A Blind Date with Captain Jos Hooiveld

The Diary is very, very comfortable

Of course as the transfer window drags on you do get feed up reading avowals of agents, players and fans. Liam Lawrence has gave up on ‘dithering Celtic‘. ‘Clearly, they’ve had plenty of opportunity to come and get me but for whatever reason it hasn’t happened‘ cried Lawrence. This saga grating like someone dragging their nails down a black board.

Leaving Liam Lawrence at Stoke is as cruel as throwing a cat wrapped in a pillow case into the Clyde after you have feed him some tuna and invited him into your home that is warmed by the most up to date eco friendly boiler.

Still, The Diary was expecting the highlight of his week would be seeing Phil Mitchell on crack but that was until Jos Hoovield rode into the storm wearing a lime green kit. As the ‘Transfer Window’ slips into reduced to clear territory it’s great to have Jos to remind us, whisper this, we may have a star.

The basis of this is his straight talking not his playing abilities. Off all the players we have signed in the last year the only one that can be fingered as a ‘player’ has been Efrain Juarez. The gene pool we shop in mean that players we buy will come with some genetic malfunction, which is how they end up in Scotland.

First impressions is that Jos genetic malfunction is that he lacks speed.

The truth of the matter is, that it doesn’t really matter. The Diary has developed a man crush on Jos. If this was an episode of Blind Date, his silver tongue would have me panting like a dog locked in a hot car even before we went for a weekend potholing in the Lake District.

He has a chin like an IKEA coffee table and a look of Desperate Dan if Desperate Dan had been born in 1930’s Nazi Germany. He made that Lime Green kit look buyable. He is now currently behind Lady GaGa on the men The Diary would ‘do’ if he was gay.

It’s things like him highlighting the farce that was our pre-season. “We had four games in 12 days and only 2 training sessions with the whole group.” he say’s and people wonder why some fans are worried that we are not ready for the new season when the players are worried that they are not ready.

There is also a leader in his body wanting out to come out to meet the world. “I want to be thought of as a leader but I have to win respect because of what I do on the pitch…” it threatened. The Diary feels that he would win respect if he went into Lennoxtown and used Scott Brown as a toothpick then picked up Shaun Maloney and played him like an accordion.

That would show them.

“My contribution to the team has been a big fat zero” he admitted. The Diary disagrees. He has done more than enough off the park to replace the big hole left by Artur. Any player that threatens to throttle his team-mates can be labelled a character.

Doubts remain over his ability. Talking the talk and believing the hype can take down players. See Darren O’Dea for how not playing suddenly makes you the love child of Baresi and Maldini.

Pre-season has taught us one thing. Jos and Thomas Rogne are the best centre back pairing at the club. It’s unfortunate that Rogne seems held together by those extra Panini football stickers his brother had in his drawer.

The Diary would have no beef if Jos lead the team out on Saturday against Information Computer Technology. It would make The Diary’s decision to get a J and S tattooed,  in comic sans,  on it’s arse cheeks worth it.