Moan, Moan The Celts Are Here (5 Facts, Findings And Thoughts About Beating United)

1) 11……..wins……..in……….a…..row. How does that sound? Good? Aye, good. 33 points out of 33 is the tobacco that we are smoking and it’s making us high maaaaaaaaan.

Still let us forget all that and just stay that little bit jumpy and grumpy, shall we?

We were caught out by “The Squigglier Part II: The Revenge”. Another John Rankin inspired hit and hope that ended up in the back of the net (via the post). Our Geordie stopper was blameless just like against The Marnocks. Queue the groans, the moans and panic level of an Italian captain.

Apart from a Jon Daly header, our opponents never laid a glove on us in the last 30 minutes. 30 minutes. Not the 5 or so minutes The Marnocks had to grab an equaliser but 30 whole, long minutes. We manned up, we saw it out.

We would all love to play the silky football we saw in the first half. But….in our run (which the only team we haven’t defeated is The Sheep) we have shown a willingness to don the overalls and get dirty. That’s what was needed when we slipped 15 points (albeit with 2 games in hand) behind.

Keep winning, keep winning, keep winning.

If that’s not good enough for some – off course we need to wear fancy suits (that’s our history and heritage) but we blew that luxury when we were 3 down at The Marnocks and drawing at home against relegation haunted Hibs – then they should find something else to do.

2) When we were taking part in the “Battle Of Balmoor” I was impressed by Scott Broons charity work. He showed the assorted carpet fitters, Postmen and painters that one day you could get lucky and land a £28,000 a week contract. He was like a living and breathing lottery advert. It could be you.

While the Ledleys, Victors and Chicos of this world were rolling up the sleeves when we were pegged back our captain was noticeable by his absence. Which is surprising as a few weeks back, when he strolled on to the park against the Jam Farts, he completely bullied, bossed, galvanized and carried the team.

He added nothing ability wise. It was ALL personality. Now we can add economics as the reason he gets picked.

3) Yes, we do seem to make things difficult for ourselves. It is in the genes ( if you know our history eh?) but……how good was Charlie Mulgrew? The twin Terrors of Daly and Russell were blunted by a performance that reached the heights we all should inspire too.

The other night I was watching Wigan. Shaun Maloney was no where to be seen. It was then that the reason (discounting ability) why Mulgrew has been so successful in every role he has been asked to play for us hit me.

Attitude. If Chicos attitude was a movie it would be Die Hard.

4) The Dead Tree Press have got fed up trying to punt Jellyandicecreamvic for a club saving £10m and are now trying to sell Gary Hooper on the cheap to The Saints that sail round The Hamptons.

Hoops scoring rate for us is 0.68 goals per game. The Eastern European war crime lookalikey is 0.75 goals per game. This can be safely put down to penalties.

So, is £6m a decent offer or should we be holding out for the unobtainable £10m?

This is another case of simple economics (see Scott Broon) except this time ability get added to the mix. Our shopping bag states: “Value for money” and we have certainly got that from Hoops. Now, it’s time to pay him what he is worth.

5) With Peter Houstesticle serving a suspension in the stand (hopefully for being a massive bellend) my gaze focused on a long haired, slightly tubby and flatfooted full back whom we had meet before as my illogical hate figure (it’s illogical as the person could be really a nice guy, but we make judgments on them as we are allowed to make judgments on them that are unchallengeable cause fitba’ isnny the real world) that all football fans have for 90 mins or longer.

Robbie Neilson played as if he was charging around screaming: “I’m Robbie Neilson, I used to play for Hearts you know, which makes me very important!” while his look (sic) was inspired by Rik Mayal in Bottom.

What a f*d.