Second game of the season, then. Operation Dingwall. Escape the jail with points and look forward to Europe.
It was with a great deal irony that we rolled into the Global Energy Stadium when we are in a period that is seeing us clocking up air miles. Our ‘tour’ reads like this:
Helsinki>Philadelphia>Dingwall>Helsingborg>Inverness.
A total of 10,096.37 miles. The carbon foot print of a small Chinese nuclear plant. We are doing more to the ozone layer than a tip full of old fridges. Aye, we suit the Global Energy Stadium.
Since we are global I was glad that we paid tribute to Russian punk band ‘Pussy Riot’. Our performance would have made those girls proud. It was rubbish, verged on criminal and some should have had masks on to hide their embarrassment at this take on art.
Still, there was reasons for this.
Our manager didn’t have his troubles to seek. 10 players injured saw 3 changes to the side that played in Helsinki. Our starting 11 was Double F, Lustig, Wilson, Mulgrew, Matthews, Lizzy McGuire, Kayal, Ledley, Wanyama, Commons and Sammy.
A back 3 and no natural strikers. Should we or did we expect anything else than what we got?
Our bench was Cool Hand Luka, Rogne, Keatings, Slane, Watt, McGregor and Chalmers. It was great seeing such a young bench. It was as if youth club had burned down and they were looking for something to do.
Ross County decided that the look of their debut SPL season should be Subutteo Olympique Lyonnais. Rather than being awe French flair they were gaol guile with more than a nod to their highland neighbours but without the added c*nt factor. I get the feeling they maybe a feature of the SPL for years to come like their inbred highland cousins.
They never stood on ceremony for us as we were set upon like an intruder being found in their kitchen and they knew were the knifes were kept. They were nippy, skippy & giddy. Rightly so as “Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as PARKLIFE!” our not being beaten on your own patch since Jesus was turning water into wine.
They never took their chances. Wilson and Mulgrew hip hopped and hippited allowing a few scares and a free header, which caused them both to indulge in a bit shouting at each other. They seemed to ignore Lustig. We should all ignore Lustig and maybe he would take his daft facial hair away and work on being a defender.
Lustig played with all the composure of a shoplifter being surrounded by security guards. Everything he did was rushed, panicked and desperate. He gave away a cheap free kick for The Staggies goal and then a few minutes later chased a player towards the corner flag then attempted to mount him like a randy rhino. I struggled to grasp that he plays for Sweden and is in his mid twenties.
We did have our moments in the first half. We had a long spell in the second half of the first half when we done our ponderous passing, then attempted some quick passing, which resulted in nothing ness. Set plays and a long punt to Samaras were our most creative paints. Samaras flicked for Commons who liked the look of the goalies legs and Wanyama and the crossbar got acquainted. Is this what watching Stoke is like? If so they can keep it.
We went in at half time drawing, which is normal for us. So is losing a goal within 5 minutes od the restart. A perfect free kick or can we question the goalie being caught at the side he is protecting? I don’t care that the ball was hit with such venom that he didn’t see it until it was past him. We pay him a lot of money to save those things! Bah!
It was game on. Would we get out our ponderous ways?
Not really. Kayal feigned interest in being the player he was 18 months ago, Mulgrew was struggling with his range and was finding touch with miserable regularity and up front Samaras gave another stellar performance of a stroppy teenager on a family holiday.
The low camera angle made it difficult to see what our full backs were doing. It seemed that Lizzy McGuire was running the ball out the park and Adam Matthews was just taking throw in’s where he would throw them very, very far to a Ross County head.
Time for the manager to make his money.
On came Paul Slane and Tony Watt. A few years back Paul Slane was the original Jamie Murphy. Now after an injury hit few seasons he could be this seasons Niall McGinn. He came on and went sidewards a few times. Keep it simple son, we only had a game to try and get back into.
Tony Watt was a different fish. As direct as a boot in the baws. He bustled, he turned, he ran towards goal and he shot. THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT SAMMY! SEE, HEAD TOWARDS THE GOAL! the little man in my head was shouting as I was pacing around the living room like an expectant father.
I think Tony Watt has a future in the game. As raw as a carpet burn and has a lot to learn but he certainly needs games for us. Him going out on loan is now gone. Murphy and Bangura should be left in his vapour trail.
The County goalie thought he was a cock with a walk after his save from a Sammy header and Kayal lent back and prayed to Allah as the ball went over the bar. He failed to hold a Tony Watt shot and Kris THANK FECK FOR THAT Commons scored his second goal of the season tapping into an empty net.
Delirium.
Yes. Delirium. A last minute equaliser against a newly promoted side caused orgasmic pleasure. Has it come to this? No….LISTEN, that is just the joy of football. A last minute goal makes you forget the pigsick that went before hand.
In the cold light of day the manager picked his strongest fit 11. It wasn’t the best 11 he could have picked – Watt should have started as striker – but with, lets face it, the BIGGEST GAME WE WILL PLAY THIS SEASON is on Tuesday night. We had one eye on that.
The Hupes want to play in the big dick swinging contest. I will forgive them for all sins if this is achieved. We need two eyes on the ball though. No excuse. No passengers.
Godspeed you fabulous Hupes!