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Match Report: HELLsinki And Wasteful.

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It didn’t take long for the pain, hurt, hope, excitement and the feeling of hopelessness to return. It felt BLOODY GOOD to be back and to be fretting over on field matters rather than off field shenanigans.

And….CELTIC FOOTBALL CLUB have an UNBROKEN tradition of ensuring we fret during European Qualifiers and this game was no different.

Yes, I left disappointed at the slender victory. That disappointment is mainly fueled by memories of our recent past in qualifiers and that on the night we didn’t do enough to ensure that a cocktail of a plastic pitch and an away goal to mean the apparition of losing an early goal and a Charlie Mulgrew sending off hasn’t completely disappeared.

I’m disappointed that a team like HJK Helsinki has as much an opportunity to put us out before we have breathed decent Champions League air as we have to put them to the sword.

“In the balance” is the three words that will rebound round the grey matter thousands of times before kick off in the 2nd leg. The names of Braga, Utretch and Sion will also chime like a loud church bell as we count the number of goals we shipped on previous travels.

We danced like a drunk uncle at a wedding on those occasions. In this game we nearly missed the wedding.

Which would have been the shame. As you see; we were the biggest wedding in Europe. Over 52,000 guests and only 25 from Finland. I take it the Finns only give full backing to stuff they are good at? So…UP YOURS Bate Borisov, Kiryat Shmona, Sheriff and Molde! We were the biggest. The most special but certainly far from the best.

Our manager lined is up in a favoured Martin O’Neill formation. Pick your 11 best players and try and fit them into the team. This saw Victor Wanyama partnering Charles Mulgrew in defence. The watching scouts will be telling their paymasters to keep their wonga in their wallets for a rainy day or maybe tell them to get a postal order ready for Charles.

This selection was made more bemusing with Lustig, Rogne and Twardzik sitting on the bench asking what had they done to deserve this? Kelvin Wilson must have felt worse and hopefully the pain of shin splints dulled the hurt of being dropped.

In other news has Kayal joined the Stokes club of not being trusted in BIG GAMES? Or..is his perennial – so it seems – struggle with injuries the simple solution and not me investigating like John Nettles in Midsummer Murders? The mistress did it! Did she? I haven’t heard Lee McCulloch called that before.

We made a start which could be termed as blistering. A corner inside 10 seconds and Samaras hitting the side netting all before some in the queue for the ticket office hadn’t got off the London Road.

Big Samaras started of startling before fading into frustration. His lowping then lackadaisical style saw him be involved in a few things of interest. He commited the most fouls of any Celtic player, he had an assist and got our only yellow card for petulance. He was a one man Greek soap opera.

His wingman Kris Commons was the clear winner in the foul stakes. Four fouls suffered. Stevie Naismith was jealous we hear. He didn’t have his shooting boots on did Kris. The ballboys were made to work with his shooting attempts.

The reason we didn’t win was wastefulness. Thirteen shots off target. Fitness wasn’t an issue. In the second period Ledley and Brown started scavenging, destroying then scuttling around as HJK starting panting like Red Setters in a heat wave. We were in control of the ball for 63% of the match. Can you feel you sweat? Well, the Finns could.

What about them? After surviving the early onslaught they like a toddler in a nursery deciding that the bigger weans aren’t actually big our scary decided to show that they could string two passes together and not just howf and scalff.

They did to the rudimentary things well. Unlike Artmedia – who were another bland side that we made look average at best – they seemed determined not to gift us a victory. It must be a Scandinavian thing. Mental toughness in the face of bleakness and long winters.

Like Artmedia, going out this early will see us have a red neck akin to being attacked with a blow torch.

Luck and comic timing lead to their goal. A luckless Double F saw a rebound so bad that it usually ends up in bed with Kerry Katona. The 25 HJK fans went into a mild state of panic as 52,000 others went into shock.

Last season we lost 8 goals in the first ten minutes of the second half. We need more Red Bull than oranges it seems.

The equaliser came from Gary Hooper who seems to be perfecting a typical ‘Gary’ type finish. Gary Lineker – The Luggy From Leicester – made a career of scoring tap in’s and being alive in the 6 yard box. Our Hoops is surely not to far from his own crisp commercial? I claiming the #tag #hulahooper. I would buy loads of #hulahoopers. Especially salt and vinegar #hulahoopers.

The winner was from a set play. This was after a spell when we threatened to huff and puff to blow the HJK house down. Charlie Mulgrew found space and done his party trick of heading a rocket downwards before it shoots up into the net. The celebrations were a mixture of relief that our house party hadn’t completely been trashed.

The European white panel on our tops half makes me expect to see: “TODAY’S SPECIAL: TUNA SALAD BAGUETTE” appear under the players names but that’s a little gripe.

With Matthews marauding and Jamsey jinking, slinking and pulling the team up the field – something that has been missing since he got injured – we have plenty to look forward to. Jamesy will get the ball past the first man eventually. I would bet my next door neighbours house on it.

I’m worried about Lizzy McGuire. He struggled badly in the second half. Seemed to be operating in a different time zone. One that was 12 hours behind everyone else.

Looking at the widescreen picture it could be that we have slipped so far down in the European games that we now struggle against unimaginative teams and this is were we are and my disappointment felt is my sense of worth being completely misplaced. This may be as good as it gets.

As a WAG said to me. “Next goal the winner!”. It’s hard to disagree.

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