The winner takes it all so they say in Sweden.
Our Volvo took it home last night and it was driven by a man desperate to ensure that the Greeks are not just remembered this year for plunging the Eurozone into recession. Our Sammy is a one man deficit reducer.
Oi! Michel? Aye, yer man better know how to spell CELTIC and put us in a little blue ball as like John Bhoy Jovi we are half way there and livin’ on a prayer……
So how did we do it?
We arrived at the Olympia Helsingborg with an almost full first team squadron. Only Private Wanyama was at home due to bad behavior and though Private Stokes was injured forgive my bluntness when I suggest that he wouldn’t have featured anyway.
The team was Double F, Matthews, Tam Rogne, Mulgrew, Lizzy McGuire, Broonie, Kayal, Ledley, Commons, Sammy & Hooper. The subs were Cool Hand Luka, McCourt, Wilson, Lustig, Forrest
The team set up in the European hybrid 4-5-1 / 4-3-3. That seems the simplest for them to understand after our courtship with a 3 at the back in pre-season., Watt, & Chalmers. The subs were to be needed.
Van Helsingborg disappointed me. The red and blue strip was so Eastern European not Scandinavian. All Scandinavian teams in my mind play in blue and white, or just mainly white. This red and blue concoction reminded me of Russia even more so when during the 2nd half they had Gashi and Titi on the park. I half expected my phone to ring and a Russian pimp to ask me for my Mastercard number.
“You like girls, Mr Wing?” “No they are a bit bland and that Gashi wan is a bit of a munter”.
They kicked off and we took the ball. A bit of head tennis and desperation that everyone should get a touch saw the ball fall to Sammy. He created a yard and delivered to the back post where Commons was waiting to sign for the parcel.
We were one up before we decided that we should be one down.
We passed, we controlled. By the power of greyskull we looked like we could have killed the game in the first 15 minutes. I even came out from behind the couch to watch for a while. Before I opened my eyes we decided to make Van Helsingborgs look decent and became as slack as a slimmer of the year old trousers.
Mulgrew hoofed and they found themselves bearing down on goal. Forster saved. Rogne punted, they cameback and Forster saved again. Adam Matthews was lucky to survive with his youth and young manhood in tact after a clusterfuck of an attempted clearance saw an attacker scamper through on goal. He dithered like he was in a newsagents choosing a popular magazine and Forster again just collected the ball after Matthews got back like a man running for his life.
Double F was praised to the high heavens in every home, in the Tv studio and in the lifeblood of all considered opinion that is Twitter. He is now my favourite Geordie. He is doing all he can to restore my faith in the Geordie nation after being subjected to Alan Shearer and Ceryl Cole. If he sung Crocodile Shoes outside my bedroom window at 4am I wouldn’t have the will to shot gun him.
Half time came as we were hanging on like a widow no wanting to throw out her dead husbands underpants. Tea, biscuits and valium were needed.
James Forrest came on for Beram Kayal as he was ‘feeling his ankle’. As I am typing this I’m feeling my right boob. Our manager had sounded the attack klaxon in either a bold or stupid move. His tic tacs worked as he must have sussed the Bi-Polar opportunist nature of our opponents before I had. They were great when you let them be great but when you screamed COME AND HAVE A GO and you had your faculties together they were quite bland.
They habituated a world of long range efforts, a few scalfs, irrelevant possession and miscues for company.
Us?
James Forrest ran, ran and ran some more showing all Helsingborgers a clean pair of heels as we all cheered and whooped. A quick corner saw Forrest cross and Ledley hit the bar. We scored soon after from another corner. Commons to a Greek God. Goal. Two nil.
Samaras was at his infuriating immense best as only he can be. At this level he is invaluable. His long gait, positional sense, willingness to receive and look for the ball make him the first name on the team sheet any time we require a passport or UEFA accreditation. This is his stage. Still, he can be that loveable daft big puppy that still runs into the back door. His failure to square for Commons is a perfect example.
Commons is precious at the moment for us. Lizzy seems to want to be the 12th man for the opponents with his dithering, Rogne didn’t really look troubled and Wilson came on and was unnoticed, which is nice. Hooper was tireless, Broonie did a shift, Ledley was just Joe and Kayal looked not interested.
Apart from Mulgrews hippy hippy shakes in the first half his move into midfield saw us regain composure and take hold of the game. There was more heroes than villains as the scoreboard testified.
Sion and Utretch now seem so long ago. We have now started winning games that we should be winning or at least not losing those games meekly. That’s four away games in a row that we are undefeated. We have scored in all four and in the last two haven’t lost a goal. That Europa League was the making of our recent European results. That big annoying Go Compare fecker is singing at us.
If we don’t drop a blue whale size bollock next week then we will be shaking our money makers in the Champions League.
Hang on to your hats as that would be real progress.
Godspeed on a motorbike Hupes!