Match Report: Beware! Idiots At Home: Celtic Twa Hibs Twa

Date: 2nd September 2012 at 9:08 pm
Written by: | Comments (10)






Och, I gie up.

Did the butchers have a great deal on mince as it seems the vast majority had their brains replaced with it? I thought in a week that saw us qualify for the Champions League, earn riches of Richie Rich, sort out all our money worries and strengthen the squad we would have been a happy bunch willing to accept a dodgy second half with a squad that is down to the bare bones?

Oh, how wrong was I. The Billy Big Time Butt Munchers were out in force. So how did we come to annoy them?

By breathing most probably.

We lined up as such. Forster, Matthews, Wilson, Lustig, Izzy, McCourt, Wanyama, Twardzik, Forrest, Watt & Hooper. The subs were Zaluska, Commons, Slane, Irvine, McGregor, Chalmers & Fraser. The bench was sponsored by bum fluff.

? A tame yellow away top by their recent standards and an attempt to attract any confused Livingston fans. A new bunch of unrecognizable underachievers who on this evidence will live up to the low standards of the previous. They get marks off for not playing Shefki Kuqi. Do they not know that this is meant to be entertainment?

We kicked off and attacked. This was a feature of the first half. Us attacking with vigorous verve. Problem was we became wasteful due to gallusness and being far superior to the mellow yellows. We scored scored from a corner.

McCourt picked out the lurking Lustig. Lustig did what any Swede with a perfectly sculpted mustache would do. He put on Roxette and got dressed for success as he stroked the ball home. This got your war correspondents juices flowing as in his bid to be a betting millionaire by Christmas he had backed Lustig first goal and Celtic to win 4-0 at 175/1.

The truth is we should have been at least 4 up by half time.

Furrowing Forrest left a trail of yellow destruction in his wake and feed the beast that is Tony Watt. Watt failed to score or get it on target. His eye was out all day. It was a predictable drop off in form as he can’t be deadly and devastating every week.

Wanyama wandered into the box and stung the keepers gloves like a particularly angry bee, McCourt dashed and dummied a ball to Watt who aimed high. So high we ducked in the top tier behind the goal.

Hibs had a chance. Leigh Griffiths had an overhead kick, which I applauded. I like acrobatics on a football park and also I quite like Griffiths. I’m glad that he can play football a bit or he would never get a burd and would lead a lonely life probably stacking shelves in Lidils. He’s living Derek Riordons dream.

Watt scuttled through on goal. This was his moment. He shanked it by the post. His punishment was to be sent out to the wing for the whole of the second half were he cut a lonely Pettaesq figure. That move also punished us. Hooper headed home but the pesky post got in the way. As the half time whistle went the only mutterings was how much were we going to win by not that we may only leave with a draw stuffed up our jumpers.

But…..we started the 2nd half badly. This is a trend with us.

Yeah he looks like a painting, Jackson Irvines number 36, Come into the forest and taste the trees, The sun starts shining and I’m hard to please. The young lad came on for Wanyama. It meant we had two 18 year olds as our engine. Those who are hard to please wrote the lad off after a slowish spooked start the kid had. For me that is understandable they can’t all be as unflappable as Watt and Twardzik.

It is the experienced ones who should be looking in the mirror. Our poor start to the second half was caused by Izzy diddling, Hooper and Forrest sulking and ill communication between Forster and Lustig. Just because you have a loaded gun you don’t need to fire it.

Hibs had hit the post before they scored. It would a damn lie to say that you felt the goal was coming as it wasn’t. It was a long hoof which saw Lustig escort his date back home only to leave her to walk up the garden path herself. Before she was safely delivered to the door she was swept off her feet meaning that Lustig won’t get a second date. Forster should have meet them at the garden gate and it was a bit windy but it was a monumental Chuckle Brother moment.

Both to blame.

Did it wake us from our slumber?

Well, not quite. The Champions League Hangover hit the players and we wandered around a bit like we were shaking off heavy session. We were still better than the yellow pearls. Watt headed over, Paddy went jazzy but lazy with his finish but it wasn’t zestful. No one was cooking the breakfast and we were willing to go hungry.

Twardzik fired in a meek free kick which Ben Williams spilled like all good Hibs goalkeepers do. Lustig reacted quicker than most to slide in and blow the ball goalwards. In their attempts to be look interested a yellow one put into his own net. 3 goals in the game and two of them comical.

We allowed Hibs back into the game like a gracious host. Matthews was too busy checking his IPOD or some other gadget to be bothered to tackle a yellow toddler who stroked the ball home with Hibees only 2nd shot on target. It was an unjust equaliser and an unjust result. All our wounds were self inflicted but we still could have won it. Twardzik humffed a scrambled egg onto the ceiling and Commons had a go deflected by the post.

And that was that.

A game off two halves and we were the better side in both. We gave game time to our young players who gave performances that ranged from genuine hope to reminders of their age, Wilson was wily and Lustig looked lively. There was positives and certainly didn’t deserve to be booed.

I booed last night when the pub closed. That was the only thing that deserved to be booed yesterday. But then I’m not a total idiot.

10 thoughts on “Match Report: Beware! Idiots At Home: Celtic Twa Hibs Twa

  • Iain
    3 years ago

    Well said ,I’d gladly drop a few points here and there if it means giving some youngsters a chance.
    Only huns boo Celtic.

  • justshatered
    3 years ago

    We should have been at least three up at half time.
    Tony Watt tried to be too clever when one on one.
    Hooper was unlucky twice.
    When Wanyama went off the midfield was too light weight with just too many inexperienced players. Twardzik will come good but will require to be nursed through games for a season or two.
    I don’t even know the young boy Irvine who came on but I think he struggled in the middle of the park and here Hibs should be given some credit as they played nice triangles in tight positions.
    As bizarre as it may seem, although Paddy McCourt was the oldest player in the midfield, the most experienced was Forrest and I don’t think the example he set was the best. Continually stopping and throwing his hands up in the air when he feels a slight tug is not good enough but to compound that, when he doesn’t get the free kick, he just stops and does not track back. Forrest has got to understand that he is playing for Celtic and he will generally not get these decisions regardless of whether the opposition do. He will eventually, if he hasn’t already, get a name for looking for fouls. He should have been helping Twardzik and Irvine by working his socks off and telling them what to do.
    I’ve been concerned by Izaguirre since the start of the season. He is continually out of position and more importantly slow getting back. He attempts to be clever in very dangerous positions. If he tries this in the CL he will get his, and our, backsides kicked.
    Celtic always have at least one comedy goal a season and the Hibs opener today was up there with any that I’ve witnessed in the last thirty years. The ball did seem to check badly when it landed and at that point, if Lustig does not get the shout, it has to go to row z. Some credit must go to the Hibs forward for at least following it in but for me Foster has to take the blame. First of all he is looking up the park and Lustig might not know how close the opposition player is so he has got to tell the defender to deal with it. However even before this his starting position was all wrong; why is it he is always within three or four yards of his goal line when a ball like today’s is played into the box. To me he should be between the six yard box and the penalty spot as this allows him to go either forwards or backwards and he is basically covering his options. By the time he decided to come today it was already too late. Lustig had no room to get rid of it as Foster was in his face and the Hibs player was in his socks. As I say Lustig, when he didn’t get a shout, should have put it out the park but ultimately communication, or better positioning, would easily have prevented that goal.
    Anyway at least we did not lose the game but it is always frustrating to come away from a ground knowing that the points should have been in the bag at half time.

    • lordofthewing
      3 years ago

      Correct the more experienced players didn’t step up to the plate esp the ones in the more forward areas. Hooper had his Scott McDonald huffy pants on and Forrest was just an excruciating bore with his behaviour.

      Jackson Irvine wasn’t helped by his first touch knocking the ball 10 feet in front of him but he recovered kinda. His first touch meant that everytime he got the ball afterwards he did the simple thing but any hope we had of him growing as the match went on was lost in the first 10 seconds.

      I like Twardzik. Seems to be a balance of Ki – passing – and Ledley – reading of the game. The lad seems horizontal. The signs are good. Watt just had a poor day at the office.

      I thought Izzy had turned the corner with his performance at Inversenkie and in midweek but I put Saturday down to more a mental issue. Hes seemed to have switched of the part of the brain that made him concentrate and want to impress. I’m more inclined to think that he has got lazy.

      Both Lustig (post match) & Forster (at the time) admitted that the Big Goalie gave the shout that it was his ball. He is a big unit to move and your point about his position is fair. If the ball hadn’t took that weird bounce the goalie was getting it.

      I’m not willing to gie Hibs any credit, the stat of only 2 shots on goal the whole game tells the story of their complete and utter ineptness,

  • Wildrover
    3 years ago

    We don’t sign Berbatov, then this ?! Sack the board !

    • lordofthewing
      3 years ago

      If we had signed Owen and McFadden this wouldn’t have happened! Damn Lawwell, only bringing in 4 players and one who has scored a few goals in La Liga. Not good enough.

      We should have signed Tiny Temps….that lad is a player.

  • Harry Monaghan
    3 years ago

    Couldn’t believe the morons booing on Saturday!!my son had too calm me down as I went off on one in a general rant at them,these will be the same people snapping up champions league tickets and enthusing about being the best fans in the world.players need encouragement on off days not Neanderthals screaming red in the face at them.Unreal.

  • Frank McGaaaarvey
    3 years ago

    We fell to absloute pieces in the 2nd half without big Vic and it was a debut to forget for young Jackson but we need to get behind the team for God’s sake!

    Getting into the CL is a dream which was beyond our wildest expectations not more that 2 years ago and we are there now so days like Saturday were the perfect time to blood a few young players, as will all weekend fixtures per and post-CL midweeks will be.

    Although we have yet to really get out the blocks (save for 60 mins v Caley and Saturday’s 1st half) we will win this league in a canter and if we manage to bring some young ‘uns through in the process this will be just as rewarding as winning the league itself.

    Now f*ck off boo-boys! Some of you eejits couldn’t even be arsed staying for 90 mins on Saturday despite the fact that there was all to play for. What is that shite all about? Talk about the former Subway loyal across the city…..

  • Pujol
    3 years ago

    Injured or unavailable on Saturday…

    Mulgrew, Ambrose, Rogne, Kayal, Brown, Ledley, Samaras, McGeouch, Lassad, Stokes, Miku. 11 first-team players.

    How anybody could boo the patched-up team on display is just mental.


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