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The Greatest Transfer Window Ever!

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Wow!

Just wow!

A transfer window bonanza!

Two signings – count them; two – on the final day!

Although we’re only actually taking one on now.

Because of the strength of our midfield as it presently stands.

But hey!

We have a recall option in January and who knows?

We may even have a vacancy by then, if we get a megabucks offer for Johansen or Biton!

A young Scottish footballer from Inverness will slot right into their place easily!

Always look on the bright side, eah?

One of these deals was so difficult to close we must literally have been fighting off competing clubs for his signature right up to the paperwork clearing at the very last minute.

There are many possible reasons why it was left until this late, until after the Champions League qualifiers, but I’m not going to go into those because that would take too long.

Besides, this is a day for being positive!

So let’s be!

These two are joined, at Celtic Park, by a further six players – count them; six – who have arrived from all around world football.

Mainly the Under 21 leagues of England.

They’ve been brought here as we try to take our club to the next level.

Which we narrowly missed out on this season, but no matter.

There’s a level below that, called the Europa League and a good showing there will make all the difference.

Our seven signings who can actually take part will almost certainly be good enough to overcome the Dutch masters of Ajax and Fenerbahce, who spent a mere £40 million or thereabouts during their own transfer window bonanza, although they didn’t get eight – count them; eight – players for their money.

No value in that, for me.

We will definitely, positively, be good enough to beat them.

We have Anthony Stokes.

We have Griffiths.

We have Ciftci.

If they stay fit.

And then we still have Calvin Miller.

So although we’ve failed to get to the “next level” we’ll certainly be okay and well prepared for the level just below that, right?

Yes, this team will be back at the top table.

No doubt.

Unless some are sold before then.

In which case we’ll make millions!

And some of it will even be invested back into the team!

So, there’s that bright side again!

In the process of signing these eight fine footballers – count them; eight – we have allowed some of our more wasteful signings to depart, along with a couple of very decent ones we’re still trying to develop into multi-million pound players, in order to recoup our losses.

In the process we’ve decided not to sign anyone up front.

Which in hindsight is probably for the best because as anyone who follows football knows the spending of money does not guarantee you quality, or success.

Forget those clubs who actually seem to disprove the rule.

They will find out to their cost that it doesn’t actually work, that even the Darlington’s of this world can take on Manchester City and triumph, on the day.

What matters are fundamentals like a healthy balance sheet.

This nonsense about previous form being a factor are just that … even a players previous goal scoring record is no real indication as to what someone will do when they are playing in the SPL.

My joy at our taking this wise and prudent decision springs from a recent realisation that we are, after all, a complete footballing backwater.

That our scouts have scoured the Earth looking for genuine football talent.

That they know – that our board knows full well – there was not a single striker out there who would improve our current squad, who would come to Parkhead and play in this league.

Not a single striker, anywhere, at any club in the world.

Except at Dundee United.

It’s the weather they don’t like, really.

Because this is the only country where it ever rains.

That and the standard of opposition.

Because it’s clearly so much better in the Ukraine, or Croatia, or Sweden, or the English under 21 leagues.

There’s so much competition there; so many high quality games.

See what I have realised, as the wise men running Celtic already knew, is that with Griffiths, Stokes and Ciftci we have actually realised the pinnacle of our football possibilities.

There’s no higher we can go.

I accept this now.

Happily.

I am grateful to all those who put my wild ambitions – which went as high as getting Steven Fletcher on loan – to rights.

He wouldn’t have come anyway.

It appears that we only found that out yesterday.

In our defence, even in this world of high tech modern communications; fax machines, mobile phones, hand-held devices that can send a message, even a contract, in the blink of an eye, and despite there being a list of registered agents available to every club, and the details of those players they represent, and a hundred ways we could have contacted the player even without said list …. well there was simply no way for us to have found that out before ten minutes to twelve last night.

But still, it matters not anyway.

Nadir was the manager’s “first choice striker” in the window.

And he got his man.

Clearly there is simply no-one better out there who would have come to Scotland and we have no business trying to tempt them with frivolous nonsense like wages and bonuses.

Money doesn’t matter to footballers these days anyway.

If we offered clubs a reasonable fee and promised those players decent wages, hell they’d still have to live in Newton Mearns, Giffnock or Milngavie.

And who really wants to do that?

Besides which, we have a wage structure.

Which is important.

It keeps your best players happy and your slightly less good players mildly satisfied.

Because otherwise what would you have?

You’d have Anthony Stokes banging on the manager’s door asking why the guy who’s goals have you top of the league and in the Champions League groups is on more money than he is.

And then, of course, you have to give Anthony the same.

It’s only fair.

One good player signed on good wages and that’s the end of everything you see.

In the end, it’s just not worth the risk.

After all, we don’t want to end up like Rangers do we?

Cause sign any player above the level of the SPL and that’s the very real risk we are taking with our future.

So yes … within those very sensible confines, I’m sure that Ciftci is the very best there is.

The manager and the scouting staff have clearly done their homework, and to the satisfaction of everyone but a malcontented few.

Why don’t more Celtic fans just know this already?

Why has it taken me so long to work this out?

All hail The Strategy!

£13 million brought in, and some of it even spent!

And all that with eight players – count ‘em; 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 – players signed!

That’s almost one for every position!

Except left back and striker!

This really was the greatest transfer window ever!

“Oh Peter, why are you so good?”

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0 comments

  • steven says:

    ajax and fenerbahce will still have a enough to beat you no matter who you have signed I mean you have signed scott allan and ryan Christie and fenerbahce signed Robin Van Persie and Nani . get a grip

  • Jimthetim says:

    Deppresingly true James.

  • Ross says:

    Your deluded mate

  • Fraser says:

    Utterly pointless, you should have just wrote in massive font SHITE! That’s what this summer signing spree was and that’s what the article was!

  • Chris says:

    Yes Because in no way shape or form was James being Sarcastic! for the love of god!

  • brian says:

    some people just don’t know the meaning of the word sarcasm James

  • HoudiniBhoy says:

    Irony, sarcasm… how does one see that in the written word? Good grief!!

  • tamtim says:

    Hello James,I reckon that Cifci will come good for us in the end.keep the faith guys.HH.

  • Althetim says:

    You’ll need to get your tongue surgically removed from your cheek James.

    HH

  • Ath Cliath Celt says:

    C’mon James get off the fence and tell us what you really think.

  • Pabs says:

    Here lies Celtic Football Club
    Butchered by it’s own custodians
    MEDIOCRATY RULES!!

  • Chrissy bhoy says:

    God help us if Griffiths gets a bad injury.

  • Jungle Jim says:

    Lawwell needs his baws toed.

    Surely even he can see that the key to a fantastic balance sheet comes from success on the park.

    His bullshit he serves up, year in, year out is costing the club money in the long run.

    I CGAF who we signed yesterday. ALL of our business had to be completed prior to our CL qualifiers bar any cherry on top had we qualified.

    He’s slowly strangling us.

  • MC1888 says:

    You have finally seen the light James, welcome to the cult of Peter Lawell.

    Now bow down before the balance sheet and repeat after me: Peter is good, Peter is great, the team doesn’t matter, just the profit we make.

    You may also want to familiarise yourself with some of the coded language Peter uses in his teachings:

    Celtic Football Club = The Business – Celtic Supporters = The Customers – Celtic’s Identity = The Brand – The Celtic Family = The Revenue stream – Celtic Team = Company assets – Celtic’s Strategy = The bare minimum. That’s enough for now, it’s your first day after all.

    Now kindly deposit your soul and of course your cash at the ‘Altar of Lawell’ were it will nourish Peter until the end of the financial year.

    Praise be to Peter.

  • It is what it is says:

    Did you actually mean to go fishing or was the ineptitude a surprise? ????????????????????

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