The technology of Lennon’s Celtic signing spree.

The Diary is mostly looking at technology in football, Neil Lennon signing some footballers for Celtic Football Club.

Of course it was in. But it is fun wading through Glastonbury toiletesq sludge headlines like “Franks For Nothing“, “Mullered” and “They Think It’s Four Over” before we get to the mighty meaty Celtic non-news. Today is one day that the Scottish editions and English editions of the papers join forces in the 4 yearly English bashing that they seem to enjoy.

We can now eat Kit Kats and Mars Bars again. John Barnes is still open to ridicule.

Ok, technology in football. David Cameron, taking time out from ruining the country, says “I’m a keen follower of cricket and tennis and I think the third umpire has been a great thing and the machine that bleep at Wimbledon are quite handy too”.

Firstly, that bleepy thing at Wimbledon is called Hawkeye and folk who get drunk on Pimms watch tennis. Cricket is full of bores who would complain to their local papers about the High Streets road works taking 2 weeks or dog mess or chewing gum. I hate those coffin dodgers.

Football is different. It’s watched by folk who like lager and require some one to blame for our own failings. We can’t blame a machine that bleeps. We require a human to declare war on. Officialdom to fire bomb. David Beckham to burn.

The game has moved on. It’s quicker and played by athletes not artists. We need more guys to blame. Yesterday’s honest mistakes would have caught by 5th or 6th official standing behind the goals, or next to the goals.

Those who want machines remember, David Cameron wants to replace you with machines and force you to live in a cardboard box. The fact he say’s that it’s a good idea should put you off. For once I’m backing Blatter.

Do you know how hard that is?

To the important stuff. We are told that “Lennon sparks signing spree”. The technology used to conclude this? Well, Lennon has returned from holiday and went back to work.  Imagine someone returning from holiday and returning to work.

So “Lawwell will talk to Campbell” but wishes to “speak to Arsene Wenger” and Liam Lawrence has been “told to expect movement with next 72 hours“. A Doctor once told me that as well after a particularly bad week all-inclusive in Benidorm. “Hull have also given the Hoops permission to speak to midfielder Bullard” about using our hair care products for a year and Daryl Murphy is “ confident a £1m switch will be agreed.” Joe Ledley meanwhile is “in the balance” somewhere between Glasgow, Stoke and Rome.

Still, it ominously predicted that “Neil Lennon will complete his first signing as Celtic manager within the next 48 hours by clinching a deal for old Bhoy Charlie Mulgrew.”  and before we can have a measured debate about the reasoning we are reminded why he is getting another chance, “Mulgrew’s contract with Aberdeen expired this summer which means Celtic are picking him up without having a pay a transfer fee.”

With an agreement reportedly “been reached with the player’s representative Kevin Drinkell” than it looks like Mulgrew will be an underwhelming first signing for Lennon.

Talking of Kevin Drinkell, a friend of The Diary used to drink in the same boozer as ‘Drinks’. Said that he used to hang around the bandits and watch punters put cash in. When they didn’t win he would pounce like a coiled rattlesnake, shove in a few quid and win the jackpot. He would then laugh in the face of the previous player while buying another Tartan Special.

Sounds like a right cad the bandit hanger.