The Diary curses like Midge Ure curses Bob Geldof.
I hope you enjoyed the company that The Diary left you. It was good and if the contract talks don’t go all ‘Jimmy Bullard’ – “sometimes you overlook the fact that you were born to play football” was Lennon’s retort to Cheeky Cockney’s wage demands –Â then you may will be getting weekly visits from Harper and Matt.
Still, being away from a few days without any Timternet access was like getting a bollock cut off. So here is a plea. If anyone wants to give me a smart phone I will give their company and product a fantastic review. I will say you are the best thing since fingers or butter or chip fat or nose hair.
The Diary knew he would get THE NEGATIVE. The Diary does like Joy Divisions Closer. The Diary knows that a few more pre-season defeats will see us go for the razors, the bottle of pills and Radiohead.
But The Diary is smart cookie. The Diary knows that pre-season is like having a sandwich with meat paste. It’s just kid on.
So headlines like “Union Shut Out Celtic“, “Celtic Open Tour With A Whimper” and “MLS Second-Most Famous Frenchman Sinks O*d F*rm Side” are met with a shurg, a scratch and a look at the Tv Guide to see when I can watch dope upped men riding bikes at 60mph.
In what was described as a “soggy, chaotic affair” match where “the friendly’s substitution rules were a mystery to observers and coaches alike” and we were informed that there was “no sign of the 3-5-2 formation” that Lennon “supposedly favours“.
With 18 players used and our first run out this season being told that we “are lacking in match practise” and that we were “well off the pace” is no great surprise and either is not playing a formation “supposedly” favoured by our manager. He was probably playing players that he doesn’t “supposedly favours”
Though other more favourable outlets comment that “Hoops dominated much of an insipid second half” and a lot will be made by those who make a lot of these things of that we had a goal disallowed, from Paul Caddis, and had “the last shot of the game bouncing off the cross bar” from a bhoy named Ben Hutchinson whose existence has now been proved by more than his weightwatchers membership number.
With Arthur Boruc away for either £1.7m, $3m or packet of Morrisons own chocolate digestives, our “shattered Hoops manager” admitting that “Aiden hasn’t said to me he wants to leave in so many words. But the initial vibe came from his side of things” and a defeat inflicted by a banks works team – whose goal was scored by La Roux who was taking time off from playing wishy washy 80’s synth pop and being June Acklands daughter – meaning that the result leaves “Neil Lennon’s Hoops with a lot of work to do before their game against Manchester Utd on Friday” doesn’t have you running for the darkened rooms playing country and western then your in good company.
Sandwiches need meat before you can comment on the taste.
