Does this Lime Green Away Kit Make My Ass Look Fat?

In my last day of covering the blog here for the Lord of the Wing, I figured it would be only proper to discuss fashion.  What’s that you say?  Fashion patter is “for poofs”?  What if I were to tell you we’d be discussing football kits, would that peak your interest?  I thought so.  For some reason, most males do not like discussing clothing, unless there is a major corporation on the middle of the clothing, a little crest in a corner of the shirt, and it being made of a “space age fabric” that hides your pit sweat effectively after you get winded going up and down the stairs.

Photos of the most legitimate looking piece of fabric made by little hands in South Asia that most would call an away kit for this season hitting the Timernet.  The pictures seem to confirm the rumors that the away kit this season will be a homage to the Miracle at Love Street in 1986, confirming that both Nike and Celtic are either out of original ideas or have us figured out and realize that old heads will buy the same kit twice in order to relive the “good ole days” or the younger generation want to feel like they were apart of those magical days.  Either way, it’s not a bad looking kit.  The 1888 watermark is similar to the one that is found on the home kit that has been released this year, so this picture is probably legitimate.

It seems like Celtic’s away kits are more controversial to the fan-base than the transfer season purchases are.  “For fucks sake, we didn’t replace Lee Naylor?”  “Aye, but did you see that honking yellow away kit we’ve got this year?  Fucking terrible!”  It seems like recently, the away kits have become the biggest topic of the off-season every year, with two camps always forming.  There is the “that’s fucking class” camp, who will shell out their 40 sheets if it was no matter what is put out, even if the top was some abstract design originally made in feces, or worse, a blue top.  Then there of course is the “fucking minging” camp who need something to moan about and will dislike the top no matter what it is.  “Money grabbing cunts!” will be their cry, even if they deep down like the design of the kit.  You know you’re in one of those camps, don’t deny it.  Luckily for you, I am here to determine just what you should do with your recent Celtic away tops.  They will fit into three categories: Keep it so you can brag 20 years from now that you still have your (insert name here) top, keep it for fives after the season, you’ve got the next People’s Ford kit so get rid of it.

Ah, the bumblebee.  Every time a previous away kit was released, the “hate everything” crew would say something along the lines of “this kit is fucking minging, now the bumblebee, that was an away kit!”  So you would think that when this kit was released last season, it would have flown off the shelves.  Well if you thought that, you apparently haven’t been reading closely.  These people complain about everything!  To be fair, the kit did fit a little oddly.  Furthermore, it is not as cool owning the second edition of a kit like the bumblebee.  You can’t be smug because “you were there” when the original came out.  Since you don’t have that, you’re just a fanny in a neon yellow-green and black shirt and you look like a gay prison escapee.  The only thing saving the newest edition of the bumblebee from the punt recommendation is the fact there have been worse kits recently.  Save it for fives.

The “Tim-inter Milan” kit.  A real beauty of an away kit done in the Inter Milan like style, with a bit of a “Feeeenyan” touch.  It was worn in 1973 as well, but it doesn’t seem to have the same significance that the bumbles or the Love Street kit does, yet it is one of the better looking away kits Celtic has had in recent history.  If you own this beauty, what you need to do is put it in a box in your parents house.  Then you need to wait 10-15 years.  When the demand for this kit returns and people are calling for it to return as our away kit, phone up your mom and ask if she still has it.  If she didn’t throw it away, put on the now too small to fit over your expanding beer belly kit on and nose up all of your mates about having it still.  This definitely fits in the “keep it so you can brag about having the kit 20 years from now” category.

The “Tim-wich City” kit. AHHHHH!  MY EYES!  IT IS BLINDING ME!  Whew, found some sunglasses, much better.  Seriously, this shit is awful.  While it’s not quite the infamous “people’s Ford” kit, it is really really really bad.  Why does it seem like all of football want to by Norwich City?  Man Yoo fans are buying up their scarves for some reason and Celtic wanted to mimic their kits in 2008/2009.  Horrid.  Punt this kit as soon as you can.