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Hail Hail Hail the Green Giants

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It’s Wednesday again already and time to aim your telescopic sights at the harp once more. It’s hard to believe it’s only me that agrees with me…or maybe not.

After a transfer policy in recent times that had us only signing the vertically challenged and bringing through players from our youth system that would be refused a ride on the Grand National at Blackpool Pleasure Beach due to height restrictions. It appears we’ve now recalled our scouts from the Shire of Middle-Earth. Nice bit of business that they smuggled Hooper out with them before their triumphant return.

Following the signing of Daniel Majstorovic the most evil looking centre half we’ve had since Bobo Balde was catching cross balls in his mouth, we’ve now gone a step further and brought in Fraser Forster who can do chin-ups in the goalmouth without using his hands. Rumours that he’s using a set of Oklahoma City Thunder foam fingers borrowed from Dominic Cervi as gloves are unfounded at this stage. Although look for them coming to a Celtic Superstore near you soon.

Add Charlie Mulgrew, the tallest full-back I’ve ever seen ever ever ever to the large frames of Samaras & Hooiveld and suddenly our team of hoops look rather imposing as they take to the field, or not in Mulgrew’s case. But where do we go from here? Well if we want to follow the trend and bring in a striker at the same time I fully expect to see Peter Crouch unveiled before the transfer window shuts next Tuesday. The only problem I can foresee is him and Alan McGregor living in the same city. As Bogey would say “you dirty rat(s)”

In all seriousness though (yes the bit before was meant to be hysterical) I find it slightly strange that we have brought in Fraser Forster. I’m not questioning the new bhoys ability whatsoever as I, like I imagine most of you didn’t see many Norwich city games last season. The fact he was named player of the year at Carrow Road and also picked up the Golden Gloves award for the most shut-outs in the Championship tells us he obviously has talent. The problem I have, not even a problem really, but at 22 years old and relatively inexperienced I just feel there is a massive difference playing for Norwich City and being under the intense pressure he will burden at Celtic. He need only look at how Zaluska has wilted recently under the critical eyes of the stands. Is this guy going to be our new number 1, our new number one wearing 26 that is. That on the other hand could be the clue that tells us Neil Lennon is still trying to bring in a player for the numero uno jersey. Maybe Lenny feels handing the number 1 shirt to either Zaluska or Forster would be unfair as he doesn’t know himself who he favours. Who knows, not me anyway as I would have always ended up with Dusty Bin instead of the shiny Ford Escort on 3-2-1.

Then another clue is the ongoing stories of Shay Given coming to us on a season long loan. We’re told by those in the know that we’re his preferred destination and the only stumbling block to the deal is a 24 hour call-back clause Man City want in the event of a Joe Hart injury. This one will run right up until the last minute on deadline day.

Further evidence of Neil Lennon’s intentions seem to be emanating from the Spanish press, with them reporting over the weekend that we had agreed to sign Deportivo La Coruna’s goalkeeper Daniel Aranzubia for a fee of as much as €4 million I read. Whats Spanish for Daily Record, Hola Hola.

Surely now we have all the knowledge we need to form a judgement on our leaders next move in the transfer window. No, not convinced. Well here’s the clincher.

SportItalia (in Italy funnily enough) reported yesterday (Tuesday) that, seven times capped Italian international, Cagliari goalkeeper Federico Marchetti had turned down an offer from Paradise. Not only were we turned down by the player but according to the newspaper we were rebuffed by the club too. In a fight to say who didn’t want us most their club president Massimo Cellino said “the player was holding out for a move to the EPL”. Eh sounds like that was still the player saying no, or…..just a made up pile of lies and false allegations fed to us all by his agent as he touts his player to the market.

I’ve gathered the evidence above and added it to the previous testimonies of Jacobo, Timo Hilderbrand, Julian Speroni, David James and Kieren Westwood and have come to the clear conclusion that I have absolutely no idea who will be in goals when we entertain Hearts on the 11th of September. Maybe I should find out who’s the tallest or smallest, it will be one or the other.

I hope it’s Given but I also hoped I’d get a 60” HD widescreen TV for my Christmas, I ended up with a big magnifying glass.

Harper       (Twitter @DaveHarper1888 and also Monday fun-day on www.LostBhoys.com)

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  • lordofthewing says:

    Having looked at few Toon sites the ones, ok the one, that wasn’t discussing the increasing size of moobs in the North East and spoken to a source on Tyneside who works st St James’s we have a highly rated player who will be Newcastles number one.

    The feeling is that Celtic have told Newcastle he will play. Newcastle wouldn’t have let him go otherwise.

    I fully expect him to be our first choice though finding any sane reasoning why this should be or even the point of a loan deal with no option to buy is beyond me.

  • lordofthewing says:

    Mmmm, Ceesay scores for Zilina, again.

  • Ianin440 says:

    The goalkeeping position would be strengthened if the keeper has a settled defence in front of him. I admit that Zaluska still looks hesitant but I still think he deserves a longer run before he is replaced by the new keeper. Of course the manager sees him every day.

    • lordofthewing says:

      @Iainin440

      I agree I would rather we sorted out the defence. We have always had dodgy keepers. Gould, Douglas, Hedman, Kharine, Bonner….

  • CheifInKorea says:

    There are rumours of Cervi going out on loan so I’d expect another keeper. That said, I imagine Newcastle would only agree to the loan move on the proviso he got games (no benefit to them having him sit on our bench) so it would only be another back up keeper. Problem is, it would be a boot is the baws to Zaluska to be replaced by a relatively unknown and his confidence will be well and truly shot.

    Another centre half and top finisher would be ideal and Lenny seems to have picked up a few unknown gems so far so fingers crossed.

    • lordofthewing says:

      So it looks like Stokes is that unnamed gem. As we said right at the start. Seems to have been loads of pishing about to get to this point.

  • Gerard says:

    Fucking disgrace, 4 (going on 8) nil. Complete and utter pish. Taxi for Lennon. Actually make it a fucking bus and take that useless shower of fucking shite with him. Embarrassing beyond belief.

  • Gerard says:

    Don’t know how that wee cool guy crept into ma last comment. Fuck all cool about that performance. We are going fucking backwards.

  • lordofthewing says:

    @Gerard

    The 10 made me laugh.

    I’m not calling for anyone to go, it’s too raw at the moment.

  • lordofthewing says:

    sorry its 8nil

  • lordofthewing says:

    Bollocks.

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