Hail Hail Hail the Green Giants

It’s Wednesday again already and time to aim your telescopic sights at the harp once more. It’s hard to believe it’s only me that agrees with me…or maybe not.

After a transfer policy in recent times that had us only signing the vertically challenged and bringing through players from our youth system that would be refused a ride on the Grand National at Blackpool Pleasure Beach due to height restrictions. It appears we’ve now recalled our scouts from the Shire of Middle-Earth. Nice bit of business that they smuggled Hooper out with them before their triumphant return.

Following the signing of Daniel Majstorovic the most evil looking centre half we’ve had since Bobo Balde was catching cross balls in his mouth, we’ve now gone a step further and brought in Fraser Forster who can do chin-ups in the goalmouth without using his hands. Rumours that he’s using a set of Oklahoma City Thunder foam fingers borrowed from Dominic Cervi as gloves are unfounded at this stage. Although look for them coming to a Celtic Superstore near you soon.

Add Charlie Mulgrew, the tallest full-back I’ve ever seen ever ever ever to the large frames of Samaras & Hooiveld and suddenly our team of hoops look rather imposing as they take to the field, or not in Mulgrew’s case. But where do we go from here? Well if we want to follow the trend and bring in a striker at the same time I fully expect to see Peter Crouch unveiled before the transfer window shuts next Tuesday. The only problem I can foresee is him and Alan McGregor living in the same city. As Bogey would say “you dirty rat(s)”

In all seriousness though (yes the bit before was meant to be hysterical) I find it slightly strange that we have brought in Fraser Forster. I’m not questioning the new bhoys ability whatsoever as I, like I imagine most of you didn’t see many Norwich city games last season. The fact he was named player of the year at Carrow Road and also picked up the Golden Gloves award for the most shut-outs in the Championship tells us he obviously has talent. The problem I have, not even a problem really, but at 22 years old and relatively inexperienced I just feel there is a massive difference playing for Norwich City and being under the intense pressure he will burden at Celtic. He need only look at how Zaluska has wilted recently under the critical eyes of the stands. Is this guy going to be our new number 1, our new number one wearing 26 that is. That on the other hand could be the clue that tells us Neil Lennon is still trying to bring in a player for the numero uno jersey. Maybe Lenny feels handing the number 1 shirt to either Zaluska or Forster would be unfair as he doesn’t know himself who he favours. Who knows, not me anyway as I would have always ended up with Dusty Bin instead of the shiny Ford Escort on 3-2-1.

Then another clue is the ongoing stories of Shay Given coming to us on a season long loan. We’re told by those in the know that we’re his preferred destination and the only stumbling block to the deal is a 24 hour call-back clause Man City want in the event of a Joe Hart injury. This one will run right up until the last minute on deadline day.

Further evidence of Neil Lennon’s intentions seem to be emanating from the Spanish press, with them reporting over the weekend that we had agreed to sign Deportivo La Coruna’s goalkeeper Daniel Aranzubia for a fee of as much as €4 million I read. Whats Spanish for Daily Record, Hola Hola.

Surely now we have all the knowledge we need to form a judgement on our leaders next move in the transfer window. No, not convinced. Well here’s the clincher.

SportItalia (in Italy funnily enough) reported yesterday (Tuesday) that, seven times capped Italian international, Cagliari goalkeeper Federico Marchetti had turned down an offer from Paradise. Not only were we turned down by the player but according to the newspaper we were rebuffed by the club too. In a fight to say who didn’t want us most their club president Massimo Cellino said “the player was holding out for a move to the EPL”. Eh sounds like that was still the player saying no, or…..just a made up pile of lies and false allegations fed to us all by his agent as he touts his player to the market.

I’ve gathered the evidence above and added it to the previous testimonies of Jacobo, Timo Hilderbrand, Julian Speroni, David James and Kieren Westwood and have come to the clear conclusion that I have absolutely no idea who will be in goals when we entertain Hearts on the 11th of September. Maybe I should find out who’s the tallest or smallest, it will be one or the other.

I hope it’s Given but I also hoped I’d get a 60” HD widescreen TV for my Christmas, I ended up with a big magnifying glass.

Harper       (Twitter @DaveHarper1888 and also Monday fun-day on www.LostBhoys.com)