Coffee & Tv – Celtic v Hearts: Papal Flags, Old Hags and Steak Bakes

Is Scotland the only country that can make a more than decent attempt to cheapen a Papal visit by selling crap merchandise in the shape of flags? Why, would anyone want to buy one of these things? If anyone reads this and bought one of these can they tell me if they are off sound mind?

If not I will send round the men with white coats, just hang the flag outside your bedroom window and they’ll knock.

Enough, of Scottish social commentary onto the football.

The first half of the first half was tedium. I spent the time marvelling at the speed, which Cha Du Ri’s hair grows, wondering if Celtic are claiming grants from the government for employing people with slight disabilities as Emillio Izaguirre, or Lizzie McGuire, and Anthony Stokes have joined James Forrest in the no neck club. They all look like they have been bashed on the head by Timmy Mallet.

Not that it effects their ability to play football.

Jeffries and Brown are two old hags. They are the type who would eat your steak bake then blame someone else even though they have gravy running down their chin. The $ex toy every women or man should have, Wullie Collum, gave them something to moan about but their holding a high line tactics ensured that a number of wrong decisions were made during the game.

Hearts were meant to the first big test. They were an elephant in a bikini and in that kit reminded me of Embassy Club tokens.

Lizzie proved that he could defend a bit, though he was what is termed ‘rash’ in the second half when he brought down a Hearts player for what should have been a penalty, Glenda and Danny tagged team Gargoyle Kyle, Forrest did well, again, and Cha Du Ri crossing came with a health warning.

Up top Maloney was wasteful and Samaras gave a comic performance that was only funny as we were 2 up at the time. Though can we expect anything less from a man knocked down the pecking order due to Darryl Murphy. Paddy McCourt had a cameo. His goal was impressive but the ball he played Maloney with the outside of his foot was jaw dropping as well as his crossfield pass to Cha Du Ri from the left back area.

The Coffee & Tv MOTM goes to Joe Ledley. When the first half was struggling to resemble a game he seemed to pop up in the right areas and play the right passes. Say, neat and tidy in a Welsh accent, bhoyo. Can I say it was Lennyesq?

This was a routine victory.

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