Academic Player Ratings, Buffalos And Scott Brown.

The Terrorism threat is not imminent, but the threat is constant” mumbled a Murdoch news reporter yesterday (it was something like that, I could be paraphrasing) regarding America’s announcement that travelling Americans, especially those in Europe, should take care in public places.

Our manager must have been feeling the same danger, not imminent but constant, on Saturday. ” We had to give it to them at half time” our manager grumped after a ‘slack‘ performance.

He may also be feeling it as our neighbours are being quite impressive, ok, as impressive as a bunch of excrement eating, pig-shagging, in-breeds can be. “Oh look they have learned how to walk, Bob. That’s progress Jim, wait until they can talk then we will be in bother.”

Why the ‘slack‘ performance? We are beginning to look like an A&E on a Saturday night. Loss of hair gel has seen Kayal and Lizzie MacGuire ruled out, we are missing, I mean really missing, James Forrest and Paddy McCourt and Thomas Rogne are held together by sellotape and bluetack.

Though injuries have affected our managers thinking some of the unforced changes have been puzzling. An element of keeping players happy perhaps?

Saturday, with injuries to Lizzie MacGuire and the Lampost most thought that Lidils Own Brand Jackie Mac, Mark Wilson, would play full back. Wilson is not the greatest player in the world but a game, at home, against Bottom Six Feeders, should have seen Blind One Legged Fred from the bookies, take to the field without much disruption to the team.

It would have caused less disruption than playing Joe Ledley there. Ledley is our best player. There I’ve said it. He’s the glue in the middle. Taking him out the middle leaves Scott Brown and Efrain Juarez fumbling about like two toddlers trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle.

Ki Sung Yung was tried there on Saturday. The problem with Ki, like Marc Crosas, is that intelligent footballers, don’t appeal to unintelligent watchers. Ki has a one-paced style that will see him wander through games, no matter if we winning 5 nil or losing 5 nil, at the same pace. He is the Magazine Rack footballer. Tidy and will always be in the corner doing a decent, un-noticeable job.

Up top we saw the a partnership that was vertically challenged and both were wearing ‘haud me in pants’. Hooper had a frustrating afternoon. Frustrating in the sense he was caught offside so often he was turning Australian. His partner Shaun played like a cat getting poked with a knitting needle.

He conjured up a free kick from old. Their was kids there on Saturday who had only been told that he could score a free-kick. They were often referred to the paintings in the Campsie Hills that showed small man with fat ar$e bending a ball round buffalos.

Still, that wasn’t enough to suppress Scott Brown who gave a MOTM performance of drive, determination, character and had a musk of former captains about it.

He still got booked. One swallow doesn’t make a summer.

The ratings:

Fraser, had to work for his wage, 8. Cha, a head shaving 6. Glenda, like a diplodocus wandering around looking for it’s mother, 0. Danny, steady, 6. Ledley, out of sorts, 4.

Juarez, early season promise has faded, 2. Brown, Scotland performance, 8. Ki, tidy, 7. Crosas, unnoticeable, 2.

Samaras, flakey scalp, 5. Hooper, rusty, 5. Maloney, sorcerers apprentice, 8. Stokes, unlucky to be benched, 2. Murphy, PIE, 2.

Welcome to Dating 2.0, the 21st Century way to make a date.

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