Mockodile Dundee

So another international set of matches are out of the way, Scotland at least scored 2 against the world champions but yet another defeat from the managerial helm of the Berti Vogts-esque, Craig Levein.

The vibes from some sodden gentlemen in the pub was “At least Vogts had dignity” and “I would have preferred a one hand shammy and a cup of soup compared to this pish”.

The mellow words from the second quote came from a man who I thought resembled a Greek philosopher and I ideally labelled him Pished-crates and to his utter dismay of his freshly chosen nickname he left leaving half a jar on the bar.

What can I say about Scottish international football? Not much to be honest but maybe sometime soon the headlines in “The Daily Record of uttermost Truth” (*cough bollocks cough*) may read C’est Levein or Lagging Levein Laid off or something with a similar essence of journo-cheese. Anyway I slowly lead onto the fact that Levein is an ex-Dundee United manager, so what do you expect from an ex-Arabs archaeli?

Yes that’s right I’m going to preview the upcoming fixture against “The Terrors” (Ironically they couldn’t terrorise themselves). This preview is going to be so anti-Dundee United that I may be banned from entering Dundee ever again and from tasting the ever so famous cake.

Lets talk about league title wins. Let me take you back to a time when George Michael was suave, not gay to the media, jumper-wearing-sophisticated and probably on less drugs than he is now.

The years in which athlete Tyson Gay was born, Mark Selby the snooker player and ironically in the same year as Kris Boyds birth the McNugget was introduced to the McDonalds chain of fast food stores.

This was a great year for Dundee United, they won the premier division of the Scottish league. The years were 1982-1983.

If I was to do the same above for our club I would still be here next week typing about the popular culture from the first 5 or 6 times we won Scotlands top title.

Now a withered old man of a team, Dundee United have only won the 1st division and a few cups since. Most recently against Ross County who sadly beat us, well in the final that year at least the Dundee dumpster underdogs got to play….ummm…the even more of an underdog than they were that year.

I have heard that the day The Arabs won the Scottish cup 09-10, the greatest day since the shocking news a granny was found over the age of 30 in Dundee, has now been declared a Dundee wide holiday. They spend this time with lots of cake, remembering how they beat Ross County and brainstorming ideas of how they could finish mid-table again in the SPL.

The best fact I could find about Dundee, is a fact so far from it’s sporting heritage that Dundee United could just be the name of a stray dog wandering the ‘bad’ backstreets of Dundee alone licking piss off piles of nettles. The fact is that legendary company that makes the Grand Theft Auto games, Rockstar, started their quest of the console and PC games world domination.

So what about the current Peter Houston (See image) Dundee squad. Well the ‘Tangerines’ still have key players Buaben, Gomis, Kovacevic, Conway, Goodwillie and Daly. We are one Kayal and a Browny less but luckily have a lot of midfield cover. Lenny just needs to get the tactics right for this one otherwise Dundee will play themselves into the match like they have done in the past in the reigns of both Mowbray and Strachan.

The Celts have to be on top form coming out of the frenzy of international matches just played. Dundee will capitalise on the fact that some Celts may be suffering a hangover from some away match fixtures in international matches and European qualification ties.

We need to set out a ‘tight ship’ that will keep the Dundee attack out. Daly will put himself about and Goodwillie will make runs off him (if he plays) so Maj, Loovens and whoever plays will have to be on top form. The Taysiders come into the match against the Bhoys with a current record from their recent matches, of two SPL matches played and two wins. They may have confidence but Celtic will be looking to shatter that apart and break the hearts at Tannadice.

I expect a very close encounter but Celtic will come out on top. I would take a 1-0 win right now. I cannot see this match being comfortable at all I just hope the formula of players our Lenny picks is the right mixture that will send Dundee United fans walking home early before the final whistle.

Now for the good bit, the part were you the voice of the Bhoys takes heed and pierces thy lips and says something about the above.

What do you chaps expect from the next match?

Will we struggle without Brown and Kayal? Is the cover good enough?

Has this away fixture come at the right time for the Bhoys?

What strikers will Lenny play? What formation? Will Lenny change the team about?

Comment freely below….