Nein Nein Red Balloons.

Suppose it’s a case of being spoiled.

I have seen, a 9-0 before. Seen two 8-1’s and numerous 6 and 7 goal victories but never a 10. That was attainable on Saturday and my annoyance that we never got 10, against a top flight club – albeit only in name and status – lead me to bemoan that our set plays were sh*t on Saturday.

Ki was meant to have a mean delivery. He hasn’t found Free-Scoring-Dan’s (well, he was Free-Scoring-Dan until he came us) baldy head once with a mean delivery. Thousands of first goal-scorer bets have been wasted due to this. Saturday, saw us facing Zander Diamond who still managed to clear most things with his lugs.

Ah, Zander. Playing Aberdeen gives us the opportunity to laugh at the big fellow without him needing to get behind a keyboard. Watching him collapsing  like a deck chair being sat on by James Corden, after trying to barge Gary Hooper of the ball was enjoyable.

I’m fearing for Gary Hooper. He looks too good. I remember thinking that Scott McDonald looked too good in his first few months and looked what happened to him. A bloated breakdown brought on by moaning, an increasing ar$e size and friendships with people in the press. I hope Hooper’s action-man styled hair-cut is a sign of stability.

Aberdeen looked that they were brought up on Morrisons Value Weetabix. Mark McGhee looks ragged and beaten. He had a healthy look before hand now he looks gaunt with a weight loss so sudden his loose skin makes a flapping noise when he walks. We saw this last season with Mowbray who looked more like Zelda at the end than those who said he did at the beginning.

The Celtic support even gave The Beard a standing ovation for getting the hell of the park before the humiliation started. The Beard is meant to add stability to The Sheep. He was failing his arms around like a windmill on speed before he decided enough was enough.

It didn’t always look that it was going to be easy. The most interesting part of the opening 20 minutes was when Lizzy McGuire took a Veruca Salt tantrum after being put on his ar$e by Darren Mackie. It looked like the only entertainment was going to be the half time draw.

But 4 goals in 20 minutes changed all that as Aberdeen’s let sit so deep that the if we were a butt plug a doctor would need to remove it game plan was ripped to shreads.

Though Aberdeen were bad, let’s not take away that Celtic were very good. The sight of Jos Hoovield warming up – by running stoically touch-line to touch-line at half time, it wasn’t hard to think that he was bricking it as the crowd was in a frenzy due to the appearance of a 40 year old Swede. Then again, such is Hoovield confidence he probably thought the adulation was for him. – even couldn’t give the watching Celtic support the willies.

Just when hearing ‘I Just Can’t Get Enough’ was becoming grating – after two or three times they need to change it – , Celtic brought on what many see as the main event. Paddy McCourt came on. It was like being at the circus and after the lions, tigers, clowns with custard pies then they bring on the court jester who will amaze you with his ability to be set on fire and shot from a cannon.

It was like reversing over road kill to ensure it was dead. The human way would have been to bring on Samaras.

Paddy looked uncomfortable. He seemed to have taken pity on Aberdeen and decided to look if he was trying but not really. His game was up though when we were awarded a penalty and Neil Lennon forced him to be noticed and take the kick.

As he placed the ball sheepishly on the spot, the urge to look away was unbearable. This, a cult hero, was putting his reputation on the line on the say so of his manager. If he had missed then I fully expected him to shed his skin and reveal Anton Rogan. He scored. He shrugged.

Suppose it was a lucky day. The DJ had already looked out the Magnificent Seven to be played and everything we hit seemed to go in.  The team is boiling along quite nicely, thank you and Wednesday is a massive test.

I’ll take 8-0.

Carlsberg and Sky 3D treated a London cinema audience to the most incredible experience last week when Kelly Brook made a surprise live appearance.