Compare za Old Firm

All za way from za streets of Moscow to za internet comparisons happens everywheres.

I have come to compare za old firm and za two teams zat vill possibly play against each others.

From Majstoroviches to zaa veelchair bound David Weirs, I vill compare each player, positions for positions, Seeeeemples.

Cough, cough, ok enough of ‘zat’. I heard a rumour that we have an Old Firm match coming up and that its going to be as “big and badder” as the rest out the 7 we will finish playing come the end of the season.

These matches especially in recent years have always springed surprises on us as fans. Surprises such as Celtic 6-2 drubbing, Henriks chip *Insert pause for ahhh reminisce moment*. The 5-1 win, Lubo to Henrik, those were the days.

I expect, as I do every Old Firm match, the un-expected.  I will try and disect both sets of teams and compare them as “fairly” as I possibly can.

Here is a brief look at the last 3 matches for each side. The last 3 results for each team looks like this: –

Celtic

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Aberdeen 0 – 3 Celtic

Brief pointers – Possession dominated 70% to 30%, comfortable win, could have easily have been more goals. Hooper, Wilson, Stokes the scorers.

Sunday, 6 February 2011 – Scottish Cup

Rangers 2 – 2 Celtic

Brief pointers – Celtics passing was Barca-esque as times, brilliant display with ten men and Celtic controlled the match, deserved a victory. Commons, Brown the scorers.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Dundee Utd 1 – 3 Celtic

Brief pointers – First half we took the “biscuit” out of Peter Houstons drull drabble, the second half we looked like we started to coast a little but still deserved the win. Stokes, Wilson, Majstorovic the scorers.

Gers

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Rangers 1 – 0 Hearts

Brief pointers – Hearts could have easily caused an upset in this match, Gers should count themselves lucky that the scraped the win. The possession was very close between the two.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Rangers 2 – 2 Celtic

Brief pointers – See above.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Rangers 6 – 0 Motherwell

Brief pointers – Stuart McCall in charge. Ummmm Celtic paranoia again, anyways a 6-0 win was possible as the Well are pish as pish can be right now. Awful 6-0 win against a side that pass like a spastic kitten on a game show.

So the last few matches do not tell us much other than Celtic have faced arguably tougher teams and controlled the proceedings throughout the matches. Lenny from my view has got us playing quality passing football again, total domination of possession means we will obviously create more and the latter justifies the means, 17 goals for Stokes (grand total in all matches) and 13 for Hooper. The season is far from over so I expect a skip-full more goals from our side.

Speaking of sides here is how our beloved Bhoys starting eleven compare with the nasty mob from the wrong side of the Clyde: –

Keepers

Fraser Forster -The young, but ultra talented goalkeeper is definately learning and earning his stripes whilst with the Hoops. Is capable of great saves ala a fit Boruc. Even though he is far from the levels that Boruc hit with the hoops this lad is a monster of a keeper who dominates and controls his backline in front of him, something that Mark Brown could not do. His athleticism makes up for what he lacks in experience.

Alan “Theres a matress in the back of my van don’t you know” McGregor – I think this fellow is a good goalkeeper but he strays from his net at times and his decision making is questionable. With that point in mind the pressure is brought upon him by his defence. He is beatable and I can confirm “the wondersave” that was reported against Celtic from a Samaras header, was not a wondersave, he knew eff all about it.

Centre backs

Daniel Majstorovic – He is our wise old head at the back, a sheer 15 years 😀 younger than Weir he has experience in shed loads and can captain the side if needed. We need a leader in every position from my view and he can control our backline for us. Maj will be one of the keys to our season being a possible success if he stays fit.

David “Oh my catheter has come loose, where are my bi-focles” Weir – The serial shirt-puller consistantly is a thorn in our sides who we all hate. He is the ultimate on the pitch “Bassta” that we would love to throttle, his style of play should be sent back to the middle ages where it should stay with the rest of the Chopper Harris’ and the time of the youthful mongrel Souness. No doubt

Charlie Mulgrew -Mulgrewenbauer has become a kind of cult figure. Who imagined that a player quoted to be our new left midfielder turns out to be a ball playing centreback that can bring the ball out and even slick a few killer passes to the midfield and the strikers. I do not know if he will start against the Gers but he surely deserves a shot to earn some creditials for his CV.

Majid “I will assault you if I cannot get the ball from you” Bougherra – The un-questionable killer of strikers, the gers fans proclaimed “Bess defenda in Scoland” has talent but he also stinks of death. He needs to realise the old I will smash your knees trick if you mess me about doesn’t go down too well in modern football. I think he will struggle with Hoops and Stokesy if they start.

Right and left backs

Mark Wilson -The once second stringer is now a starter for us. Just as it looked like he was leaving he has had a sensational reprieve in form and has been great to watch. Will start against the gers as his experience with matches at the cesspit is vital.

Ste “Didn’t I have hair at Hibs” Whittaker – Very talented player, has also been tinged by the darkside, will be one of their danger players. He has the ability to change matches for the gers. He will be watched closely and contained when on and off the ball.

Emilio Izaguierre -Superlatives cannot describe this lad. I just can’t get enough, seriously he has un-believable talent. His technical ability is out-standing. In the Dundee match a crossfield ball from Kayal in the air, Izzy controlled it with his left foot in the air and brought it down straight to his feet, makes it look easy like pro’s should. Rangers will no doubt try and smash his shins.

Sasa “Grottbags” Papac – He will no doubt be facing a career as a Bond villains side-kick when he finishes football, I regularly imagine that whilst at home he sits on an office chair stroking a cat in a Blofeld style whilst pouring bleech into a fishtank laughing in manic tones. He is a decent player but he is a desparate plank at times and struggles against anybody with pace running and dribbling at him.

Midfielders

Beram Kayal – He tackles like a defensive midfielder but passes creatively like a playmaker. All round midfielder? from what we have seen so far I say yes he is. Rangers will not know what to do with him. It takes two players in the gers side to do the job of Kayal, McCulloch the tackling and Davis the creation.

Steve “I’m no ginger” Davis – Gers creative spark, can get himself forward in attacking positions and will be a threat. His marrauding will leave gaps that we will exploit.

Joe Ledley – Is finding his feet nicely. Has settled into the side comfortably now and has sprung a good understanding with Kayal. Ledley can be just as creative as any player. The killer ball, against the gers for Sammys goal where Sammy rounded McGregor, Ledley supplied that Xavi-esque exquisite through ball. The gers will fear our central midfield partnership.

Mo “Am I a football player?” Edu – McCulloch-less, b*llockless gers will have to turn and face to Mo Edu. I think this could be the key to a possible Bhoys victory. He is possibly one of the more athletic style of players at the gers but he lacks some technical ability and this is where the midfield battle will be won. He will be exploited.

Scott Brown – The captain has come on in leaps and bounds since he has been moved to the right side of midfield. I once saw him play in this position when he played for Hibs and he looked comfortable. He will be vital to us in this Old Firm battle and the fierce combatant nature he brought to the last Old Firm match gave us all a pipe to smoke about how good he can be. His celebration pose in front of Diouf will be remembered for a long time, lets hope he can reproduce this celebration in the coming league fixture.

Vladimir “I am Messi” Weiss – Whatever tweet tweets or faceybooks tells us is not always the real thing, Weiss is not on his way back to Man City. Weiss more than likely will start against us “The fanc proclaimed gers wonderkid” will no doubt be told to tear us apart in his ever so “Lionel Messi” style *spit drink or food now in laughter*. Lets see him come down the same wing as Izzy and we will watch him being outfoxed all afternoon by our superior left back.

Kris Commons – The new Bhoy has been a revelation since his surprise move from Derby. I think his performances have been exceptional and he will be one of our many players that the gers will not know what to do with. Commons can be a goalscoring threat also and will ‘break his neck’ to get in behind the gers backline to provide and get a few shots off himself. Lets hope he arrives late in the box again and pops up with another goal for us to go crazy in celebration.

Steven “Tuck, roll with a pike” Naismith – He will be one of the gers problem players for us, if given space he will capitalise and no doubt dive into one of our players then roll around erratically screaming in dramatic pain. I would continue this paragraph about him but it would just be a number of horrid expletives that describe his un-couthed style.

Strikers

Anthony Stokes – ‘Unbelievable tekkers’ has been playing some great football, getting into some good positions on and off the ball and has showed a flourishing understanding with Hooper. I would love nothing more than Stokesy to slam a wonder goal in against the gers. He is capable, on his day, to produce some sensational football and can create as well as cause hassle to any defence. I expect him to be heavily involved.

El Hadji “Hock ter, c_nt” Diouf – Has bags of talent but is a horrid person to go with it. We will have to be very careful of Diouf, he can produce some good football, but lets hope he crumbles in the atmosphere. I no doubt think that he will try and get Browny at some point either with a kick in a tackle or some off the ball shenanigans.

Gary Hooper – Fox in the box? Drop deep dangerman? Call him what you want, I just know Hooper has the potential to be a Celtic great already. He has a great first touch and can find a shot out of the smallest of holes in an opposition defence. Not only is he a predator he can hold the ball up and let his team mates overlap into better positions. The gers will be crapping themselves at facing an on form Hooper. We all know Weir will not be able to cope with him.

Nikica “I was signed for rangers because I once scored for Rapid Vienna when we played against Celtic” Jelavic – I would not be wise to not worry about this player. He can finish decently, but if we stem the flow of any gers attack and not get complacent we should contain him. Maj will control this chap I imagine and keep him in check.

Ok Sergei zats it, its finish.

So thats the comparison, any questions or comments are welcome.

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