A weekend Celticless saw me catch on some viewing. So I spent most of Sunday watching the Football Years an STV production that is as Scottish as shortbread and shit Hootenanny programs.
The Football Years is a program that you should hate. It dresses up nostalgia as great. Everything was great in the good old days while in reality it pokes fun at someone suffering. The first program was 1974 so Wullie Ormand was the subject. The second one was 1986 so Hearts was the object of mirth. Albert fecking Kidd. I was laughing so much that I wet myself. The third was 1994 so it was our turn.
Instead of just focusing on 1994 they decided that because Celtic had been shit from 1989 that they would inform the viewer of this. Numerous clips of a balding long haired prick called Hateley scoring goals against us. A constant reminder that we finished 5th and that we were fair game for humpings from Motherwell and Falkirk. The mocking muppets. I expected to them to find some footage of me ruining that girls 21st birthday party when I was sick on her little sister. It was a sign of affection I tell you.
Our terrible signing policy was highlighted. For a few minutes I struggled to work out which one of Andy Payton and Rudi Vata we had saved from a lorry in Dover. They were both cheap shell suits and mullets. Andy Payton was a player. I liked Payton. Rudi Vata was the Albanian Anton Rogan. Presumably they couldn’t find Stuart Slater to interview. Like in his years at Celtic he was probably hiding.
This was all shown to a Britpop soundtrack.
Like most of these programs they attempt to make the interviewees look interesting. So we get the camera zooming in and out of focus on the subject. When it was in focus Kevin McCarra’s jacket was still out of focus. When Michael Kelly appeared I thought we were watching an advert for Alien v Predator on the XBox.
Celtic’s impending doom was brought to us by Shereen Nanjiani pre her Jackie Dziekanowski muzzling. The build up to this momentous moment never missed a double top. Gefinor, Cambuslang, Robroyston and Lou Macari were all in their morning glory.
David Low informed us that Celtic were 8 minutes from going out the game. STV gave more credence to the original ratboy, Dougie Arnott, inflicting another defeat.
The program reminded us that Michael Kelly will deny any wrong doing or self interest until the day he dies, Kevin Kelly was ultimately clueless and even after all these years Chris White still has the most punchable face ever of anyone connected with Celtic.
While it was great to see the old ground, the bad dress sense of the car park protests and a lot of footage that you have forgot or want to forget about the program hammered home something.
I love Fergus McCann and I thank my lucky stars that Raunjers don’t have one.
The Football Years van be seen here.
I had just about forgotten Michael Kelly was a twat after his interviews during the referee dummy spitting earlier this season. Then I watched this programme and I was reminded just how delusional he and his cohorts were.
And, maybe more worrying, still are. They have learned nothing in the 17 years that have gone by since.
True, their we did nothing wrong attitude is bizarre.