Last night I had a vision;
There is a company in my area that in the last twenty six years has had unprecedented success.
During this time the company expanded into Europe gaining quite a vast financial advantage over its national competitors. The company managed to buy components for its factory that were of a much higher quality and far more consistent than its competitors. The company had a wealthy owner who expended substantial amounts of his own money while at the same time enticing backers to invest large sums of money in his company.
The owner of the company also had the foresight to recruit local journalists who were happy to print stories regarding the success of the company while at the same time deriding their competitors.
Unfortunately the company has now fallen on hard times and, after a brief change of ownership, it has sadly entered administration. The last owner seems to have borrowed money against assets of the company but then paid that money into the account of another one of his companies.
The company also seems to have been victimised by HMRC who appear to have taken an unhealthy interest in its historical tax affairs. Although the local journalists have attempted to deflect/deny the tax accusations against the company there has been a concerted attack from internet bloggers who have simply refused to let the matter lie and subsequently blackened the name of the company.
One of the governing bodies which overseas the industry that the company operates in is run by an ex-board member of the company. More than this there are more scurrilous internet rumours that he may well have been involved in some of the decisions that HMRC are investigating both at the company and one of its competitors.
HMRC are attempting to claim back taxes for the components which made the company so successful in the last ten years and which gave it an advantage over its national competitors. HMRC appear to claim up to £50M.
Unfortunately the company has been badly run for the last nine months whilst in new ownership but as administration loomed the company has been supported by the local journalists who have coined a slogan telling everyone that the company ‘is too big to fail’. Some of the company’s national competitors also claim that it is ‘too big to fail’. Not to be undone politicians are now also stating that the company ‘is too big to fail’.
The company together with one of its competitors make a product that is quite highly prized but for some unknown reason the competitor now wishes to distance itself from the company.
I believe that HMRC should leave this successful company alone and allow them back to there pre-eminent place amongst the national companies. The debt should be forgiven.
The politicians are correct that the company is ‘too big to fail’. To ensure that the company gets back to its elite place amongst the national companies I believe that there should be a national subsidy of £10 for every adult which will assist in this endeavour.
It is not the company’s fault that they have overspent not only their own money but everyone else’s, not paid tax, not paid National Insurance, and set up tax scams.
I don’t normally do sarcasm but I thought I’d give it a go.
Cleverly written….. well done.
But to put a wee damper on it …..
What humps me is……
There are companies out there , who despite paying their Taxes etc; and playing by the rules …have fallen victim to the recession and are closing down..and forcing people out of a job.
Where’s all the clamour of support for them…??
Do MP’s go on national television and talk about forming select committees….??
Do Scottish media pundits write about the misery these companies and their workforces are enduring?
Of course they don’t ……
They don’t matter.
Talk about a wee bigoted country…
You couldnae make it up.
Great post. I have to disagree about the £10 subsidy, while i agree this poor ‘company’ is cleary being victimised & there is a conspiracy by everyone from the media to the Vatican (yeah right)before we all pay i again call for all the loyal fans to sell a kidney to raise money. It is illegal to sell a kidney in the UK but them at Ibrokes don’t seem to have any problems by bending the rules (allegedly)
The big house must stay open
Hear Holywood is making a film of this company. There are co-directors
1. KEVIN KOSTNER – so the saga will go on ‘n on ‘n on……
2. TARRANTINO – so it will be dark, scary, full of blood and guts and loads of pals in the cast.
3. SIR DAVID (ANOTHER ONE) LEAN – so it will be in the social interest and have enhanced photography to produce a visually stunning finish.
3. SPIELLBERG – so that the story can be a fairytale that is made incredibly realistic by using computer graphics and made-up blockbuster images.
4. JAMES CAMERON – so that the setting can be as big and unbelievable as possible.
5. JACKY CHAN or CLINT EASTWOOD (trying to check which one’s the fenian in the pack before choosing) – to stave off any opposition.
6. DISNEY (aye, they are digging him up. Saw them at the graveyard myself) – it can only be a cartoon.
7. MARTIN SCORSESE – only the very best for a
gangster movie.
Leading roles are available only to orangeman,
masons and those who will make it a very happy ending. Upright and honest citizens, anyone called Patrick, anyone who went to a school beginning with a saints name or anyone in Fathers for Justice need not apply.
The finished version is not due in the cinemas till 2878 to celebrate Raggers’ 1000th anniversary, by which time it will be a guaranteed international hit having been continuously promoted by government using unpaid tax money.
The directors’ cuts will never, ever be made public.
HH
Forgot to mention
Costumes will all be red, white and blue. Even grass will be digitally enhanced to come up green. It is expected fans of the film will not object.
HH
Age is a b*****rd. should read “come up BLUE”. Been doing too much reading about the Orks!!!!
HH
Mike Bhoyle – I agree with your comments but must correct you on your spelling mistake.
“wee bigoted country” should really be “wee bigoted cuntry”.
For the record, I have been a supporter of independance and SNP voter for 30 years.
President Alex, Margaret Curran, Christine Clark and McAskill (amongst others) have done us all a huge favour in the past year, they have given us a glimpse of what an independant Scotland would look like.
I’ll never vote for the SNP again. Huns.
Hail hail!
I’m listening to history being re-written with ‘the company’ being voted back to the top table with no loss of honours or history. I’m really waiting for a law being passed to grant ‘the company’ charity status and then they claim all the tax relief they want.