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Timurovision 2012: Group B Preview

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Germany

Timurovision Rating: 9

Celtic and the Bundesliga have went hand in hand for years. Since Murdo McLeod left us for Dortmond & Mark McGhee arrived from SV Hamburg we have seen a steady flow of players arriving and leaving or ending up in Gemany.

Brian O’Neill, Mark Fotheringham, Morten Rassmussen, Lubo, Vidar Riseth, Rudi Vata, Jackie Dziekanowski, Thomas Gravesen, Andres Hinkel Andy Thom, Rambo, Cha Du Ri, Edson Braafheid & Paul Lambert have all worn the Hoops and graced the Bundesliga.

Add to that when you go abroad in Europe the massive German Tim presence from Stuttgart, St Pauli & Dortmund plus the FACT that the German are the sexy footballing in vogue and they have a green away top!

Sold.

Flippant View that will lose me money:

Die Mannschaft haven’t won a major tournament in 16 years. In a period of major rebuilding they have still reached a World Cup Final & Semi Final and a Euro Final. In the last two tournaments they have only lost to Spain who we will ALL agree have been the best in the world during this period.

In the past two seasons they have beaten England, Argentina, Uruguay (twice), Brazil & Netherlands. In 5 of those games they scored 3 or more goals. Qualifying for this Euro so them with a perfect 10 out of 10 record, scoring 34 goals in the process and only losing 7.

Klose is a big tournament player meaning that they don’t need to rely on the unreliable Gomez. The only problem I can see is that Bayern players play such a major part in the squad that their crushing end to the season may effect them this summer. My money is on them winning it.

Netherlands

Timurovision Rating: 1

Even though we have had Dutch Internationals during the years – Big Jan, Sno, Blinker, Petta & Glen Loovens – and Edson Braafheid was listed as a Celtic player when he came on in the 2010 World Cup Final but – let’s be honest – the whole Oranje, Little Dick, Bert Konterman, lets-wear-oranje-to-the-scottish-cup-final malarky means that we love the Dutch to lose a penalty shoot out.

How did the song go? “Ones called Ronald, ones called Frank, one missed a penalty, the other had an EBT…”

Flippant View that will lose me money:

The Dutch were the top scorers in qualifying averaging 3.7 goals per game as Bert Van Marwijk attempted to reverse the accusation that he had destroyed 40 years of tradition with their ‘strong arm’ tactics in the 2010 WC final. In Hunterlaar and Van Persie they have two of the ‘in form’ strikers in Europe.

Potential finalists but I’m putting money on them being the top scoring nation.

Portugal

Timurovision Rating: 1

With Jorge Cadete being the only Portugeser that has wore the Hoops we look to occasions when we have faced his fellow country men as foes or that night in Lisbon as memories and links to the country.

Yes, Lisbon will always be the pinnacle achievement of our club and we have gave some doings out to Benfica over the years but Porto – for me – will always make the majority of Celtic fans see Portugal with a sneer and not a loving look.

I remember enjoying their Golden Generation fail in Euro 2004. The wound was still raw then and has subsided over time. But….really as a football fan can we love a team that contains Pepe, Ronaldo and Nani?

Flippant View that will lose me money:

They lost 12 goals in 8 games in qualifying, which saw them finish behind Denmark. For the first time in generations they may have a genuine world class striker in Nelson Oliveira but are heavily reliant – not probably through tactics or team choice – on Ronaldo being the main man. They have quality but just seem lack that wow.

Will finish bottom of the group.

Denmark

Timurovision Rating: 3

Since the days when we used to dislike the Danes due to a certain Mr Laudrup we have seen a few of his country men pass through our gates. Morten Wieghorst & Marc Rieper were likeable characters while Thomas Gravesen & Ulrik Laursen bemused at best. Morten Rasmussen came to us as a blossoming Danish international before he became a bit rubbish and just boil on our wage bill.

Flippant View that will lose me money:

It’s 20 years ago since the Danes left their beaches (sic) and won Europe’s premier international tournament. The myth has grown that they were plucky over achieving underdogs who had no right to win. That stretches the truth.

They finished behind a Yugoslavia team that was one of the best in Europe (and would have won that Euro’s if they hadn’t started a damn civil war) and had a decent record in European competitions in the previous decade.

This years crop are a nirvana of smells like team spirit whom I believe would have got out any other group. The draw has been unkind to them but will beat Portugal again to finish third.

Prediction Time.

This group is a mouth watering prospect. It will be like eating a full packet of Starbursts (Opal Fruits in old money) and will tickle erogenous that you didn’t know you had without the use of vegetables or triple A batteries. All games are a must watch.

I will go for Germany, Netherlands, Denmark and Portugal and for those that like a wee bet look at over 2.5 goals in all games.

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