A Circled Squared: Spain Are Not Entertainers, They’re Boring And Loathsome.

When Tony Mowbray blinked into life as Celtic manager in June 2009 he philosophised that he respected Spain – crowned European Champions the July previously – and their style of play.

Most Celtic fans welcomed this. Spain were the best team in the world. Their style was purred over but the transition from Luis Aragones Tiki Taka to Vicent Del Bosques Tiki Taka – Aragones left the Spanish job July 2008 – has made this something that you don’t want your club to emulate as it has become nothing but self gratificating w*nkery and a cure for insomnia.

Watching Del Bosques Spain is like being suffocated to the point that you urinate uncontrollably and then die by choking on your vomit. Against Croatia we struggled to work out what way they were shooting, if they actually wanted to win the game and whether or not the torture they inflict by picking El Nino should be reported to social services.

People will point to that they are missing David Villa. He wasn’t missing in the 2008 World Cup when they had four one nil victories in the knock out stages and played in the same manner as they are doing now.

Vincent Del Bosque is not a poor manager. He has a CV that is gold plated. Real Madrid manager 3 times, he is their most successful manager – 2 Champions League, 2 La Liga’s – since the 50’s & 60’s and is a World Cup winner.

So, why does he seem blinded by a seemingly unnerving homeage to all things Barcelona? I know that he was treated like a stray dog but is he trying to defecate his Real Madrid bedsheet in the most public of arenas?

I don’t play Football Manager but I watch a lot of football and call me old fashioned (or an old git) but I like to see at least one centre forward on the pitch. Scoring goals is a fun part of the game. It helps you reach the aim of winning games. Barcelona were found out this season. Their philosophy imploded. So why continue trying to make playing with no strikers a success?

As they wobbled like a drunk in a taxi rank through to a quarter final meeting with France Del Bosque ignored the talents of Pedro, Negredo, Mata and Llorente. Aye, Llorente a man that would walk into any other team in the Euro’s. Only Falcao is more in demand than Fernando but Del Bosque attempts to play Cesc Fabregas as a striker and rehabilitate Torres who is alongside Lindsay Lohan on the rehabilitation ladder.

There is a myth that Torres had a great end to the season. He scored against Barcelona by ignoring his managers instructions and a hat-trick against QPR is hunting road kill. Two goals against Ireland felt tipped this myth but see QPR and that Spain were like a cat playing with a mortally wounded budgie in that game.

Del Bosque is committing a criminal act with that squad and to the watching public.

Oh, how the hell did Sergio Busquets ever get the opportunity to play alongside the irresistible Inestia on a weekly basis? I can only think that a 15 year old Sergio walked into La Masia one day and devoured a diminutive midfielder then with a severed right leg bludgeoned a dwarf like striker to death. He’s now known for wandering around saying “Messi” like Hannibal Lecter say’s “Clarice”.

I’m disappointed that the French reverted to beret wearing, red wine drinking, Betty Blue watching surrender monkeys as I wanted England, the ultimate pragmatists, to out pragmatist the pretend pragmatists and for Andy Carroll to use Pique like Shakira uses Bodyform.

I want Spain to return to the entertaining under achievers with amusing failures to get out of groups and spiritless knock out round defeats. I loath them being the world’s best subbutteo team. It never used to be that way. Ask Tony Mowbray.