That Was The Week That Was #5: Charles Green Is Not Mr Ben Edition

Monday 10th September 2012

International weekend (well, it’s now international bloody weeks thanks to FIFA & UEFA attempting to milk a bull!) is usually just an irregular bowel movement to me, a customary glance up from a pint or a reminder that my life would be a level just slightly higher than comatose if bookies never gave you loads of European leagues to bet on a Sunday.

But the Greeks and Georgios Samaras changed that this weekend (week!).

The intermittently fabulous and often absent minded player forgot all about his back problem and turned out for Greece. Our reward for that is him being out for 4 weeks with torn ligaments in his elbow. His elbow? Yes, in the name of Zeus soiled loin cloth, his elbow. He can’t even get injured properly.

The player deserves to be reminded who pays his wages and has put up with him disappearing like a teenage runaway for long periods with a big swift boot to his sweaty bollocks and a taking away of hair care products at Lennoxtown. . A player who has the natural ability to play at the level we are going to see in Europe blows it through sheer and utter twatitude.

Greece? Did they threaten Samaras with stopping his grandparents pension and taking away their home if he didn’t play? For a country that delivered philosophy to the world they certainly drop a clanger when they didn’t learn how to count. The country is down the $hitter, which is ironic as they couldn’t develop a decent sewer system.

The next time your in Greece stuck handfulls of toilet roll down the pan and flush. Twice. That will cause them the same amount of arseache this injury will cause our leader. Except they will be drowning in a sea of $hit and pish while we will be drowning in the loss of an important player and hoping that James Forrest stops throwing his hands up in the air like an extra in a The Village People video while claiming for non-existent free kicks.

Tuesday 11th September 2012

I have just discovered that Thomas Rogne is not happy with the new contract offer our club have put on – what I am sure – is a solid oak table carved out of a thousand year old tree that grows in one of Dermot Desmonds many hectares in Southern Ireland. I know this is old news but the internationals make me as alert as a jackey drinking Domestos.

The player calls it a “much worse” deal compared to others who he thinks are his peers. Pardon me but I have just checked and we don’t seem to have any other horsed faced, injure prone players who are held together by bluetack, sellotape and used chewing gum.

He comments that he has played when he has been “healthy” make this feat sound like some rare occurrence for a footballer and not a fundamental part of the job. I’m sure ‘YOU MUST BE FIT’ is written in comic sans BOLD on all contracts so that it catches the attention of those with the mental capacity of a toddler.

The deal probably reflects the chance of getting over 30 games a season from the player who seems to have the bone structure of an 82 year old who is on their 4th hip.

Talking about senile goats, Charles Green the CEO of Sevco Scotland who recently created a franchise club in Govan tells the listeners of Good Morning Scotland that ‘The Rangers FC have never been in the SPL’, but that he ‘doesn’t play to the gallery’ and that ‘all titles and history were purchased as assets’.

Hold on. I just need to check if today is Tuesday 11th September? Aye, it is. I really thought it was April’s Fools Day or allow a Completely Utterly Hilarious Buffoon To Speak To The Media Day.

This man is a living and breathing horses dick. He’s spun, flip flopped and cartwheeled so many times that he couldn’t find the truth a big pair of Kenny Everett hands. He’s forgot what lies he has told to who and when he get’s up in the morning his nurse has to tell him what club he wants to be today. He’s a living Mr Ben, that children’s cartoon character, who spent all his time dressing up and going on fantastic adventures as the person he was dressed up as.

Thing is, Mr Ben made it seem cool. Green makes it seem the vocation of a madman and a dismal existence which will end up with him eating his own pathetic liver and other organs.

Wednesday 12th September 2012

Today it became law to physically assault anyone still reading The S*n newspaper. Shoving it up their right nostril is my method of attack…..

Thursday 13th September 2012

I read to today that Josh Thompson ripped up his Celtic contract to sign for financially stricken Portsmouth. He say’s it was the right decision for his career..

Well, I do hope it’s not too cold up their on your plinth of self righteousness. For a player who had no visible signs of ability to be a top level footballer him getting the chance to rip up a professional contract makes us the mugs! His contract should have been ripped up after the first 10 minutes he was seen on a football park!

His punishment for the pain he put us through is to play for a club who apart from being a financial box of frogs most famous aspect is having fan is a big annoying fandan with tattoos, a stupid hat and a big cow bell!

Karma Lurch!

Friday 14th September 2012

Like a child picking an infected scab they can’t leave it alone can they? Ally McCoist, the manager of the Sevco Franchise, has come out blubbering about a witch-hunt by the SPL over the dual contract investigation and moans:

‘You would have to ask them (SPL) how it works. But it does baffle me ever so slightly. ‘At the same time, that’s another decision that doesn’t surprise me. ‘My reading of the situation is that the SPL have accepted that (Juninho) EBT because the money was paid to the player after he left the club.‘What has that got to do with his performances while he’s at the club? Nothing. ‘You would agree that’s a strange one.’

After Greens delusional rant earlier in the week I am going to apply on behalf of Sevco that they get Government funding for Ibrox being a certifiable mad house. Is is this just one big giant experiment to see how many thousands have sand for brains?

If imbeciles like myself can see through the lies why can’t university educated journalists? Did they actually spend their Uni days in a haze of Scrumpy Jack, bad skunk and Neds Atomic Dustbin records? The MSM should be handing Sally and Green their arses on a plate but instead they are struggling to give the impression that they have fully functioning brains and not just rocks in their heads.

It was Fat Sally’s reading of the situation. His reading of the situation? Lets stop the clocks and end the investigation now. This well read failed Tv presenter has progressed from Heat magazine to be being a fully paid up member of the law society!

The FACTS are such. The failed Brazilian severance pay which was stipulated in his contract was paid via an EBT, which are not illegal. The payment was declared on the contract which was lodged with the SFA, SPL, CIA, Mi5, MFI, DFS & The Pope. How it was paid was irrelevant. It could have been paid in Tesco’s vouchers for schools.

The payments made to god bothering Marvin Andrews, the dispicable rats knob Nacho Novo and just the plain utter affront to football Paolo Vanoli were not declared to the all of the above. That’s the problem youse pair of gutterballing heffalumps!

How was your week?