Noted ‘rabble-rouser’ Alastair Moncrieff returns to the blog with a very hand guide for Celtic supporters who like to use a certain social media websites…
A guide to being a Celtic fan on the internet
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Being a football fan used to be the easiest of undertakings, where possible you went to the game, you maybe bought a replica shirt or at least a scarf in your sides colours, if you were really into it you followed your chosen side around the globe. Discussion of the relative merits or otherwise of those who represent your club was restricted to the ground itself or more likely the pub. You may not have agreed with the bloke standing next to you on, for example, the abilities/conduct of your manager, but that didn’t mean either of you weren’t a ‘proper fan’ you just had a difference of opinion that was all.
The internet and twitter in particular however have doomed those simpler times to extinction. To be a football fan on the internet you need to adhere to a strict etiquette, the breaching of which will open you up to quite frightening levels of abuse. I speak from experience here, I assure you. And it is my sincere belief that to survive as a Celtic fan on the internet the rules are even stricter still. What I have therefore decided to do, is to produce a quick point by point guide on the things you need to know and do to be a good ‘Internet Tim’, essentially how not to attract the ire of the masses. You can thank me in the comment section.
- Do not under any circumstances call that side we used to play against ‘Rangers’ they are to be referred to as ‘Sevco’, ‘Zombie FC’ or if you’re feeling really generous ‘The Rangers’.
- Do however take an unhealthy, borderline insane interest in the goings on of the side whose name I dare not mention. If you think you’re coming across as obsessed and a bit mental then that just means you’re on the right track my bhoy.
- The manager of that club whose name must go unsaid is not Ally McCoist nor is it Alistair McCoist, he is to be known forevermore as ‘Fat Sally’.
- Never read the actual content of any article about Celtic, read the headline, (over)react and then head straight to the comment section.
- Whilst in the comment section discard all previously accepted grammatical conventions.
- The #CelticFamily on twitter has a strict hierarchical structure; do not express an opinion that differs from those at the top of the tree. Doing so will result in a speedy excommunication.
- If you insist on linking to a Daily Record article you must prefix an apology and refuse to actually type out the full name of the paper i.e. ‘sorry for the Daily Re**rd link…..’
- If a blogger comes along whose work supports the narrative decreed by the #CelticFamily hierarchy then hang on his or her every word/tweet/blog post, ignore the first commandment and worship them as if they were a God.
- If you merely suspect everyone is against us then you are not nearly paranoid enough.
- There are a select band of clubs who it is acceptable for you to adopt as your second side; these include Barcelona, Norwich, Dundee United and Raith Rovers. Fans of these clubs may gain temporary admittance to the #CelticFamily, however those privileges will be withdrawn if they make a bid for our striker or are judged guilty (by the hierarchy) of some other crime.
- Every single person in the media (usually referred to as the ‘Main Stream Media’ – MSM) has an agenda against Celtic except for ‘wee’ Gordon Strachan (who we like again apparently (this may change now he’s Scotland boss)).
- Never ever admit any admiration you may have for Jose Mourinho, he is the devil incarnate and a mortal enemy of the #CelticBarcaFamily
- The Green Brigade are either a brave and selfless band of ‘freedom fighters’ who light up Celtic Park or a dangerous and self-absorbed mob with a lunatic fringe (this as a tricky one as it changes on a daily basis, be very careful before you express an opinion).
- Every player that pulls on ‘the hoops’ automatically discovers a lifelong, unbreakable bond with Celtic and everything the club stands for (except Kenny Miller obviously).
- Celtic fans are special and without doubt the best in the world, anyone who says otherwise is jealous and/or a hun.
- If anyone mentions the ‘Big Tax Case’ say something about an on-going appeal process and change the subject as quickly as possible.
- WE ARE STILL A BIG CLUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There you go, if you follow (not follow follow mind) my advice, and take on board the knowledge I have imparted upon you today, then you will find the ‘timternet’ a happy and welcoming place. Fail to adhere to the etiquette set down however and well…… don’t say I didn’t warn you.
If you can think of any other tips for being a ‘top tim on the net’ then leave a comment or head on over to twitter https://twitter.com/allymonc where I’m sure the debate will be ‘lively’.
You MUST be talking about CQN, a site that has become so cliqueish introverted and up itself that it has become a self parody and outlived its usefulness.
There is a small coterie of posters who only;
Talk to and respond to each other
Suck up to Paul 67
Glory in being holier than thou
Constantly pat themselves and each other on the back
Boast about their ,usually, middle class lifestyles
Only acknowledge contributions from one of the chosen few.
As a result many people who have posted in the past, including myself, have stopped doing so, due to the site being tedious, boring, but mostly clannish.
I do check in and “lurk” from time to time but I’m afraid it’s a case of same old same old.
Spot on mate, the online Celtic community is one massive ‘circle-jerk’ it’s weird and it’s unhealthy.
Nothing wrong with a good debate, we don’t all have to agree all the time, that’d be boring.
(I wasn’t specifically referring to CQN, it was more of a general point.)
Although I do go on to CQN I normally scroll down to see the comments and then it ‘podium’ or ‘how did you and your good lady get on on holiday?’ Etc. just pish.
I registered with them and it took around 7 months to actually get a log in. By this point I realised there was no point actually commenting. Dobbers.
This is a nasty misrepresentation but skillfully done. You have taken views that some people do in fact subscribe to and listed them as unquestionable facts. This is a very dishonest thing to do but particularly so since you are inferring that you are an ‘insider’ and really know what the ‘Celtic Family’ believe
I presume that the purpose of your article is to get web site hits which generate income so well done. In the worst traditions of journalism – ‘never let the facts get in the way of a good story’.
Well you appear to have missed both the tone and the intended context of the piece. At no point do I claim or infer that I am an insider in the CelticFamily (it’s not a real family for one).
This is not my site and I do not get paid for my contribution so there is no financial motivation behind my choice of subject matter.
I was merely trying to illustrate that there is a prominent group of Celtic fans that quash any meaningful debate about the club before it starts and I think that’s ridiculous.
Anyway “skillfully done”? No-one’s ever called me skillful before, I’m going to print this comment and frame it. Thanks!
Cool glad you like it but before you frame it don’t forget the key words ‘misrepresentation’ and ‘dishonest’. You’ll go far.
Incidentally I think that the tendencies you identify are indeed present on Celtic sites and that it is good to see them being criticised. I just wish you weren’t generalising so wildly
Haha brilliant
Cheers bud much appreciated!
CQN was once a great site/blog but has now fallen foul of several of the above rules, especially the hierarchy rule. Pathetic how several posters round on others on that site.
I just get pissed off at the idea that we all have to sing from the same hymn sheet and anyone who doesn’t isn’t a real Tim. Debate and differing opinions are good things, we should embrace them.
When did we no like WGS? And why might we no like again now he’s Scotland boss?
Strachan got fair bit of stick when he was manager (much of it deserved by the way) I don’t have a massive problem with him but find the revisionism surrounding his reign a bit bizarre.
There is a section of the Celtic support who are determined to be hostile toward the SFA and therefore the national side, that is who I was aiming that particular jibe at.
Might be wrong though, I often am.
He did get a bit of stick but I wouldn’t say he was disliked. I didn’t like the football wee played under him – very boring. If I didn’t like a Celtic manager then it was Mowbray!
The scottish Celtic fans who don’t support Scotland just because they don’t like the sfa are idiots IMO (the same for those daft Huns that hate Scotland). But each to their own I suppose. I get slagged off many of my pals cos I support Scotland! No wonder people don’t understand the west of Scotland!
*we played
Hmm I always felt there was an element who were very anti-Strachan and whenever anything went wrong people were on his back very quickly, oh and the football got progressively worse under him!
Can’t really be arsed with Scotland these days but that’s got nothing to do with Celtic or the SFA (International football is just so boring the now!)
fantastic article.are you really a tim?you speak too much sense.
great points about the rangers,super ally,strachan etc.
you must feel like the odd man out.
mourinho is the special one.
fair play to you.
county down zombie king
Cheers bud, yeah I really am a tim (a self loathing tim maybe?!) glad you enjoyed the piece and whilst I’m not quite the odd one out, our merry band is pretty severely outnumbered!
Hi,
Great piece! Nail on the head. I hoped you would cover the difference made between ‘fans’ and ‘supporters’. Both follow the team but only one truly contributes anything of note whether its vocal or financial. I find twitter awash with fans who spend their whole time trying to influence supporters. Usually negatively. Extremes made up example ‘footballs pish, it’s over priced and its boring why do you even go, I gave up years ago’
Well why you still banging on about it – you gave up, we didn’t, give it a rest!
The Celtic Family comment really made me laugh. As did the biting comment about it. It’s up there with the ‘real Celtic fans never rip each other off’ sure! I know Rangers fans I would trust a lot sooner than some Celtic fans.
As someone who previously had a neutral account on twitter I am well aware of the nonsense it attracts and encourages. The use of ‘Old Firm’ once had me called a ‘Orange Bastard’ as ‘Celtic fans don’t use that phrase and we all know that, that’s how I know you’re a Hun’ – hmmm quite!
Away to laugh some more at your article! And everything that is wrong with society in general!
Cheers for the kind words mate, really appreciated. Aye your point about the difference between fans and supporters is spot on.
The idea that all Celtic fans are inherently good and decent individuals just because of who they support is barking. I know plenty of Celtic fans who are utter wallopers!
Oh aye you can’t use the OF label without accusations of being ‘one of them’ getting throw about 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.