Sevco Fans Concoct Hilarious Plan To “Buy Out” Sports Direct

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Mike Ashley Laughing 2014

Aaaah Sevco fans … they really are a funny bunch!

In the course of the club’s involvement with Mike Ashley and Sports Direct these guys have been through every extreme on the emotional ladder.

First, there was delight; this was a genuine bona fide billionaire and not the Daily Record variety.

The money at his disposal would be put at theirs, and lo and behold their club would be transformed beyond recognition, into a European football superpower. Not because he had Rangersitus but because he “needed” the exposure of Champions League football to get the most out of his brand.

In the beginning it was impossible to dissuade these people of that belief.

Logic and common sense did nothing to combat it.

Pointing out that he could sponsor any number of clubs around Europe who were in that competition with chump change and get Sports Direct on their jerseys did no good, nor did reminding them that during those big nights the competition’s official sponsors pretty much wipe out all other in-stadium advertising. Suggesting that maybe a guy who’s club played in the Premiership, with its own global TV audience maybe didn’t need to worry about that additional exposure … all of this was waved away, or dismissed as the ranting of “bitter tims.”

When it became clear that he had other plans for the club, they changed tack.

For him to make money, the club had to make money. That was their logic.

As it dawned on them that this, too, was wishful thinking the first “campaigns” got underway to negate his nefarious influence.

Who can forgot the sterling success of the £1 protest? Or the one that followed it, wherein people would walk up to the Sports Direct counter with arm loads of merchandise and then decide they weren’t going to buy anything after all?

Mike Ashley must have been hiding under the bed. Laughing.

Boycotts came next, but no-one knew Ashley had written a clause into the retail deal that meant the club had to buy any unsold stock!

This one … this one is my favourite.

As outlined last night on VideoCelts, the proposal here is that the Sevco fans will utilise their “spending power” to buy Sports Direct shares.

Why? To force a hostile takeover?

(Stop laughing, this is supposed to be serious!)


To give the shares away. Err …. That’s it, really.

The objective here is to make the shares in Sports Direct worthless, by buying them in monthly lots of £100,000 and then give them away like free samples at a cash and carry.

The “logic” behind this is that the overall share price will collapse as a result of so many freebies being available … a plan that demonstrates an understanding of the stock market and share trading which could only have come from the kind of mind that would put their “genius” shareholder Keiran Prior (the second smartest individual in human history according to The Daily Record) in the shade.

Could it work?

That’s like asking if the asteroid from the movie Armageddon (it was the size of Texas, remember) really could have been stopped by a couple of deep core drillers and a nuke. In some kind of bizarre parallel universe where the natural laws don’t apply, anything could work I suppose … but in this particular reality, where Rangers actually did die and Sevco fans only raise their game when it comes to terrorising journalists, I suspect this one is a bust.

The current market value of Sports Direct PLC is over £3 billion.

Over £20 million in shares were traded just last month.

£100,000 represents 0.5% of those transactions … and 0.003% of the total value of the company.

You see where this one has some … difficulties, yes?

The idea that maybe their money could be better spent – on their own club, for example, as part of King’s “master plan” that they should outspend Celtic fans – appears not to have dawned on those amongst them hailing this as a stroke of genius and something worth exploring.

Believe it or not, there are quite a few of them willing to give this a go.

I wish them luck with this, I really do.

If there’s any spare cash at the end of the scheme, I have a bridge to sell them.

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