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Looks Like Adrian Durham Picked The Wrong Week To Stop Sniffing Glue

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Aaaah back on the habit.

Stress at work? Feeling like a tit because some of your biggest calls of the last twelve months have gone up like a bonfire? Aaaah, not to worry. Get the old tube out. Pop off the lid. Take a waft of it. Then sit down, Adrian, and write your new column.

Because that, at least, explains it.

Nothing else comes close.

You picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

We’ve all done it.

But it’s easily fixed.

Less easily fixed is the standard of your writing.

I appreciate you see yourself as a “ jock”, one of those guys paid to be “controversial” but you miss the point and fail on several levels when you try to turn that into column writing, the most obvious of which is that in giving you that face for radio God was trying to tell you something about what you were supposed to be. Stick to talking crap. Speak fast enough and people miss half what you’re saying, and find it harder to break down your arguments.

Put it on paper or online …. Bad move.

Especially when it’s so filled with … how can I put this?

Shite.

I remember your previous gushing pieces over Warburton. Including the one where you tipped him as a England manager! Trolling of the finest kind, as some of us have said the same! But we were kidding. You weren’t, Adrian.

Dear oh dear.

I want to know if you still believe it?

Of course you do.

A man sniffs enough glue he will believe in fairies at the bottom of the garden, and could even be encouraged to dress up like one as he hunts for them. what you have today and putting it out there where people can see it is the journalistic equivalent of doing just that.

You need to either be out of your tree or possessing no self-awareness whatsoever. If you were trying to ape the likes of Keith Jackson and Neil Cameron, well you succeeded. You make those purveyors of fanzine-level tripe look like Pulitzer Prize winners.

In a way it’s encouraging to know that south of the border there are hacks every bit as weak, ignorant and stupid as the ones we have up here. In another sense it’s disappointing. Perhaps it was giving too many of our locals airtime back in 2012 that dropped your standards to this absurd level.

Or perhaps your work has always honked the house out like a broken lavvy after a curry buffet. I don’t know.  I usually ignore it, but I guess someone thought I could use a laugh this morning and sent it to me, and encouraged me to have a read.

That article contains every type of ignorance going.

From spiteful little Englander arrogance, a strong anti-Celtic streak, a wilful ignorance of facts … it really has it all. All products of the glue, no doubt. A mind warped beyond the point of rationality by toxic materials inhaled. Was it a poor upbringing? Did no-one ever tell you that it was wrong?

Aaaah well. Too late now.

There’s nothing like the shock, Friday night sacking of one of your icons to derail a substance abuse recovery.

My guess would be that it’s been coming. It’s been coming all this long year as Warburton’s managerial genius was exposed as another figment of your drug-addled imagination. Tell me, did you seek help at any time when you felt yourself slipping?

You’ll have noticed that little of this article is an effort to engage you on the points you made. I’m not going to bother. Because they were puerile and petty and stupid and pitched at exactly the level at which I’ve met you here. I’ve got no interest in combating your drivel with facts, because if you didn’t know it was drivel – and thus simple trolling – when you wrote it you really are one of those people who is simply too stupid – or high – to waste valuable time arguing with.

I have other things to do today.

And doubtless so do you.

I hope you’re going to take a shower before you see other people.

The trick with a glue habit is to try to maintain the appearance of normality as long as possible. Oh you blew it already, with this article of yours, but perhaps if no-one else draws attention to it you can get away with this one. It’s worth a shot. But for God’s sake man, put on a suit and comb your hair.

And the next time (if there is one) that you’re thinking about cleaning up your act, you might want to check with the Sevco directors first, to make sure they aren’t planning another Friday night special. We wouldn’t you to suffer another setback, would we?

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