The Daily Record.
My God. Just when you think you’ve heard it all.
I’m sitting here, writing this, laughing my head off. No kidding, I am.
Today there’s a new favourite in the Sevco manager race; Pedro Caixinha. Who? Good question, but the paper has his credentials all mapped out. The former boss of Santos Laguna in Mexico, he’s now a manager in the Qatari league. Yes, the Qatari league. In Qatar, that footballing superpower.
If you were expecting actual scrutiny of his achievements – he’s won trophies in Mexico – or the kind of skepticism Ronny Deila’s appointment was greeted with you’re going to be disappointed.
No, instead The Record is gushing shamelessly.
The guy who was linked to Ibrox as an assistant just two years go – sound familiar? – is now being touted as a genius in the making, with the seal of approval from Jose himself.
Bloody hell. And if you thought that sounded like sycophantic PR cobblers it gets worse.
This guy, we’re told, is no less than the “Portuguese Bond”.
Because he can ride a jet-ski and was once a bull-fighter.
Cause sure, no-one ever rode the waves or killed a helpless animal before.
Sterling qualifications to be a football manager, right?
I mean, for God’s sake. Utter triviality. Of no relevance whatsoever to his abilities or lack thereof in the dugout.
But apparently it makes him uniquely qualified to lead a team into football battle against Celtic.
I mean, seriously.
Who writes this crap?
Where does it come from? Is this supposed to worry us? Impress Sevco fans?
Because Michael Gannon has written a piece that is unintentionally hilarious this morning. The biggest load of bull I’ve read in a long, long time.
Nowhere does he give scrutiny – real scrutiny – to this guy’s managerial career, which is patchy to say the least. Even accounting for the fact he’s spent most of it as an assistant he has never spent more than two years at one club, and he’s worked for a dozen of them.
But let’s not bother with any of that, with a real evaluation of his talents as a boss; the Record found someone who would say nice things, tell an interesting tale or two and start to build the hype.
This guy would cost Sevco around £600,000, which is a lot of money for a club that’s totally skint. The Record would represent it as some kind of coup, without ever once asking how come this guy, if he’s such a hot property, is plying his trade in a backwater.
His last sojourn in European football was five years ago, in Portugal, where he resigned with his team second bottom of the league. His success in Mexico has to be acknowledged, and respected, but I see no reason to view it with trepidation. Is a Latin manager cut out for Scotland? The failure rate for players from that part of the world coming here would suggest not.
But none of this is important to the creators of Scotland’s finest brand of novelty bog roll.
The Sevconites need cheering up, especially after almost throwing away more points last night after being in a two goal lead, and they have a must-win cup game – and then a visit to Celtic Park – coming up in the next week and a half.
So this morning they wake up to this Mexican moonbeam.
And the press wonders why we view it with utter contempt.