I don’t usually post this late, so if you’re reading this early tomorrow morning please share it.
Reality is a funny thing, isn’t it?
Some people chose to live in it. We call them normal people. Sane people. They don’t require anti-psychotic meds, padded walls, restraints, electroshock therapy or any of the other paraphernalia of the asylum to get through their days. They manage because they are fully engaged with the here and now.
Other people embrace alternative versions of the world.
Whether they are standing naked in George Square or reciting Shakespeare in front of baffled council workers or dancing “on stage” on a scaffolding plank or believing in dead football clubs, their version of the world looks a lot different from the one the rest of us are living in.
I am not having a go at those people. I respect the struggle that those who suffer mental illness go through. I wish all of them nothing but the best, and I am not making light of their problems … I am simply making a point about the nature of psychosis and how some folk view the world. And the more you listen to him, the more clear it becomes that Pedro Caixinha is one of those folk. I don’t know if there is a diagnosis on hand, but he is barking.
This isn’t the first time I’ve written those words. But read this, from today, and tell me that I am wrong. He even uses the phrase “a reality about the moment” … but it bears no relationship whatsoever to actual reality, as we understand it.
In Pedro’s “reality” his club is not as far behind us as the league table suggests. In fact, in his reality he has the gap down to a single point. You could not make this up, which is why I haven’t bothered to try. He gives me enough material for ten articles every day.
I think I show tremendous restraint in writing about him as little as I do.
“Since the first match, that we played against Aberdeen,” he said, “we created our own league.”
Did you guys know you were allowed to just do that?
Does it come with Champions League qualification?
Do you need audited accounts, or does any old crap you have lying around the office work?
“So we said, let’s reset from zero and let’s see what position we can get into seven matches from now. We’ve already played five. You know in which position we are? Second. One point behind Celtic. Six points above Aberdeen. So that’s given us a reality about the moment …”
And that’s where I felt myself losing IQ points, where I actually could feel them leak out of my head and dribble down the back of this chair.
This guy is on another planet. Sevco fans must read this stuff and cringe. Or laugh riotously.
That’s what I did on the morning Donald Trump was elected, and I realised the most powerful country on Earth and thereby the future of the human race was in the hands of a lunatic. Because you’ve got to. Because otherwise there are only irrational responses and the world has enough irrationality in it.
So does Ibrox.
And it’s not getting any better.
Of all the blatant pitches for season ticket money, this is the best yet.
Because either Level 5 came up with that line and he trotted it out – without thinking about how it would sound – or Pedro Caixinha is a guy with more than a few loose screws.
Either way, if I were a Sevco fan I’d be worried.