This headline is not made up. It is not a joke.
You are not reading it wrong. This is not a parallel universe.
This is the real world.
And in the real world, a Sevco fan website wants there to be a inquiry inside the club itself in order to find out who in it is friends with an ex-Hibs striker who has just signed for Notts Forest.
And why?
Because when Cummings signed for Forest this morning he praised the manager, ex-Sevco boss Mark Warburton, and said players inside Ibrox, who Cummings counts amongst his mates, said nice things about him.
And because Cummings referred to Sevco as “the manager’s former club” instead of calling them Rangers.
Which isn’t even their real name.
All this is revealed in a demented rant entitled “Jason Cummings just can’t bring himself to say ‘Rangers’…”
This was interpreted not so much as a mark of disrespect but of actual hate. And as such the site in question wants to know who these friends of the hater are, presumably so they can be immediately thrown out the nearest door.
I’ve asked this question before, but it evidently bears asking again and again and again until we get an answer that the rest of society can live with; what’s wrong with these Peepul?
Check out the following section, put with all the grace of an inquisitor, administered under threat of torture:
“Question one: Who were his mates in the squad? Question two (more of a statement): presumably they were Warburton pals, given only positive comments were apparently made? Question three: are they still at Ibrox?”
And you have to wonder why this muppet even cares at all, far less why he’s in such a strop about it. Are they so easily offended these days that something as innocuous as this can lead to a full-scale meltdown and such a bizarre, clearly unhinged, editorial?
The summer heat must be getting to them.
And it’s not even that warm yet.