A Jailbird Tried To Break Into Ibrox Today. Why? Were There No More Seats On The Board?

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Today a thief tried to break into Ibrox, shortly after getting out of prison.

Sometimes there is no need for any more than a headline. Sometimes the headline is everything. Sometimes the jokes write themselves. This is one of those times, but that doesn’t mean I am going to slack off. Indeed, I’m going to jump right in with both feet.

Never let it be said that I don’t put in the hours.

First up, why did he bother trying to break in?

Just chap the door, my man!

Introduce yourself!

If you’re a thief then surely that qualifies you for a seat in the director’s box?

How many of them have there been in that general area over the last few years?

There’s a crook sitting at the apex of the club right now, and don’t just assume it’s a disqualifier because you’ve actually been to jail and he hasn’t. The media wouldn’t mind. They wouldn’t have cared if he’d bought his shares from Robben Island.

Also, why did a thief try to break into Ibrox in the first place?

This is a club where the staff in the executive boxes are encouraged to look down the backs of the sofas in case someone has dropped some spare change. It’s the club where screwing the electric metre has been elevated to an art form. Did he hear talk about all the “silverware” and get the wrong idea? Hey, everything of value was flogged to scrap merchants long ago mate; what’s in the “trophy room” right now is nothing but old tin with a good polish on it. You couldn’t get £100 for the lot of it.

He allegedly broke into some cars, a portacabin and the stadium “with intent to steal.”

It does say he tried to get in the door first and spoke to someone on the intercom; at that point he decided to move on to the rest. What did he learn on the intercom? “Sod all worth nicking in here mate … even the computers are from 1995.”

The guy in question was supposed to have been “incoherent” when arrested; that isn’t necessarily a deal breaker either.

Has he ever heard the manager give one of his team talks?

Or Lee Wallace doing a press conference?

I thought his defence council’s explanation was brilliant; “He had been released from prison earlier in the day … Instead of travelling back to his home in Stornoway, he took Diazapam tablets and alcohol. As a result, he has little recollection of his behaviour.”

It’s weird: I had always assumed this was how most people start supporting Sevco in the first place.

They simply wake up in a seat on a Saturday afternoon and decide there’s no point in heading straight away, whilst there’s a game on.

The sheriff who dealt with him wasn’t terribly impressed by his behaviour.

He was out on licence and has a “serious record”.

She sent him down for a further four months.

In my view, he’s had a lucky escape there.

She could have got him a season ticket and forced him to attend every game.

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