Date: 18th February 2018 at 10:47am
Written by:

The folks at Ibrox Noise ain’t happy, readers.

Last night, as Scottish football sniggered at their idiocy, as it laughed at their stupidity, they came out with a hard hitting piece slamming their critics (who they call the doubters) which had all the punching power of a 90-year-old flyweight.

It was full of the usual nonsense – Scottish football is jealous because they are “back”; from the dead one would presume – and written in the usual whiny tone; you know, like Charlie Cheswick demanding that Miss Ratchet give him back his cigarettes.

According to this gibbering missive, the way we’ve responded to the Morelos story is all about fear. Fear that they are “creaking back to the summit”; I love the way that particular phrase conjures up images of that 90-year-old flyweight.

Called “The “Fake” News About Alfredo Morelos” it was like a greatest hits of how dumb they are. It starts with praising the SFA’s decision to appoint “a good blue nose” and then launches into an attack on those who have slammed McLeish for previously walking out on the national team. This from a website that was expressing its anger at Walter Smith just last week when he seemed set to take the job after “snubbing” them.

Consistency? Please, don’t look for any.

Notice, too, that nowhere in there is the idea we might balk at a famous EBT recipient and someone who admitted they won trophies through cheating being hired by the very organisation he was hiding his contract from; it’s like a nod and a wink to that whole era, somebody’s way of saying “look, we got away with it.”

The article then begins warming to the point; sift through this grammatical train wreck and you’ll find it in there.

“Scottish football is absolutely falling all over itself to claim the Alfredo Morelos saga is absolute fiction, that (Sevco) have made up a bidding war for reasons unknown to themselves …”

Jesus. Was the guy drunk when he wrote that?

For reasons known to themselves … actually, those reasons are well known to the rest of us too.

The club is determined to try and start a bidding war for this guy, and a number of their other players, come the summer. A bidding war usually starts with an opening bid. There was no opening bid. So they invented one.

They did this with Tavernier, with Windass and Morelos during the window … they planted utterly fictitious stories in the media about interest in these players and waited for it to come.

This doesn’t take a high degree of intelligence to understand.

Clubs do it all the time. Sevco just does it badly, woefully, over-blowing the valuations all to Hell and gone. They did this with Barrie Mackay, the last player there we said wasn’t worth an alleged bid reputed to be in the Stupid Zone.

They sold him, eventually, for a quarter of that supposed offer.

Don’t these yahoos ever learn from the past?

It talks about how “free scoring Gary Hooper” moved for only £6 million; these clowns have yet to twig that this is part of the reason we know this is all bollocks. Hooper scored goals in the Champions League. He frequently put OldCo Rangers to the sword. He was on the cusp of international recognition for England …

Read this bit. But be sitting down first.

“And guess what – all the doubters may be correct. But is it not funny that this story must be fiction but every other player who moved to China for £stupid is perfectly above board?”

Eh no … cause, and I know this is hard to grasp but … they actually did move there!

Honest to God.

“Is it not odd that immediately so many think it is all fabricated but did not have the same instant dubiety at the £9M for Craig Gordon, the £6M for Hooper, the £13M for van Dijk and the same for Wanyama?”

Once again … and I appreciate this is difficult (for an IQ on the level of an amoeba) … those offers were real, those moves actually happened, those players actually went to England for that money. So too did Boumsong and Hutton and others, although the less said about the Frenchman’s move to Newcastle the better, right, Sevconuts? Cause that move was so bent that Ibrox was raided as part of the Stevens Inquiry … the SFO didn’t find evidence to support a prosecution in that case, but what they did uncover was the biggest tax scam in British sport.

Which they handed over to HMRC. The rest is history.

This next bit is … genius. Twisted genius, but give them their due.

“No, because it is (Sevco) Scottish football immediately calls foul, lies, misdemeanours et al simply because they are genuinely concerned beneath the faux mockery that (Sevco) are actually starting to get somewhere and lo and behold we have a few assets on our hands?”

Untangle the sentence structure and just marvel at that; the idea that our mockery actually covers fear that they might get money for a player nobody had heard of until about six months ago. As I’ve said, they really have managed to simplify this whole scouting-signing-sell them on thing that we do to a few easy steps; buy unknowns, offer them for sale, inflate their values through the media and wait for the offers. Idiots.

Here’s the final question posed by the piece; it’s a beauty.

“How can, in this day and age of transfer fees going into the hundreds of millions, a free-scoring Colombian 21-year old NOT be worth £11M?”

Ahem … assuming this isn’t a trick question let me try to answer it; he was 21 and free scoring last season. How much did Sevco actually pay for him? It wasn’t nearly £11 million, was it? I am sure there are a lot of free scoring Colombians of that age doing their thing in their own country, in the lower leagues, or abroad. Are they worth £11 million?

Does a player have to be Colombian, 21 and free scoring to attract a bid like that? Don’t you think there might be players at clubs, of various nationalities, all over Europe scoring goals right now who aren’t worth £11 million?

I could go on, but it’s like talking climate science to a row of dogs.

When attacked and called on their bullshit, some websites come out swinging. This one comes out howling at the moon. They are one of the best reads on the internet, but not for the reasons their editorial team seem to think.

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