Date: 11th March 2018 at 2:03am
Written by:

And it came to pass that in the Final Days of King David of Lie the famine gripped the land, harder than it had before, and this famine had lasted seven long years already. In all that time, the Peepul of Sevconia had prayed hard for salvation and when salvation did not come they got together in their Temple and they wailed and grieved and mourned and they cried out to the Heavens, “God why hast thou forsaken us? Are you a Catholic after all?”

And The Lord Thy God did look down on them with great anger at their presumption and their cheek and lo he did say to them “How dare thy question thy will? For that tho shalt endure Kenny Miller on a one year contract extension and another change of manager by May.”

And lo was there much wailing and gnashing of teeth in the Land of Sevconia, and all the Peepul who dwelt there cried bitterly at their pain.

And so it was that in The East, at The Place They Call Paradise, Brendan The Great And The Mighty began to make his plans for the next great war, the campaign that would sweep the Sevconians aside like rubbish and return to The Place They Call Paradise the Famous Eighth.

And lo were the Peepul who dwelt in the Land of Sevconia afraid, for they feared the Famous Eighth and knew if Brendan The Great And The Mighty was able to capture it that the Dreaded Ninth might well be inevitable and the Shattering Tenth would be dangerously within his reach.

And lo did the Peepul of Sevconia cry out to their leader, King David of Lie, to open the city vaults and pour forth the treasure he had promised them, but King David of Lie did not answer them, being far across the sea burying his wine cellars before The Gentlemen Of Sars called to check on him, as they had sworn to do before he set out for the Land Of Sevconia, believing he could provide the leadership to stop The Lord Peter of Paradise.

And so it was that the Peepul of the Land of Sevconia began to fear that King David of Lie would not deliver the treasure, and that the few sheckles they had left would have to last them through a long and bitter summer. And they called upon the Great Eldars of Blue to give them guidance and glad tidings. But Donald of Park was nowhere to be found and Paul of Murray went into hiding and sent out his emissaries to lands far and wide to seek charity so that the Temple of Sevconia could be saved and the Bad Men of Close would not take it from them.

And lo did the Bad Men of Close watch all this with great interest, believing that the Temple of Sevconia and all the surrounding lands would soon be under their control.

And so it was that after the Great Defeat, the Peepul of Sevconia rose up in fury against King David of Lie and cried, “Get the wallet out or these bastards will be doing this to us for years.” But King David of Lie was not present, because he was in The High Temple of Laws pleading before the Justices there that the sheckles he had were not enough to pay their last demand.

And the Justices did look on him with scorn and say “Pay what you owe or be taken to the quarries where you will labour mightily cutting stone for The Place They Call Paradise and the wonderful new hotel they are building there shortly.”

And King David of Lie did curse and swear and said “I wish to God I had never got involved with these Peepul. I had enough trouble on my plate without all this.”

And at that time, in The Place They Call Paradise there was much rejoicing and praise for their armies, led by The Fearless Scott and his band of men, who had stormed the Plain Of Sevconia and laid low its own commanders and all of their soldiers in a great battle shortly before, which the Peepul of Sevconia had come to know as The Great Defeat.

And the Noble And The Good of The Place They Call Paradise sang songs of worship to Brendan The Great And The Mighty for overseeing the victory, and they even offered grudging respect to The Lord Peter Of Paradise for bringing Brendan The Great And The Mighty to their cause.

And lo did they tell their leaders, “Thank you for delivering us from evil. From weeks of Keith of Lie and Chris The Jack telling us the Sevconites were coming.”

And Brendan The Great And The Mighty did look upon his people, his handsome, wise and beneficent people, and he gave thanks to them, and to The Lord of Peter and The Lord Thy God, without whom no victory is ever possible.

And the Lord Thy God did smile down on Brendan The Great And The Mighty and said, “Nice one mucker. Now take thy armies to The Plains Of Hampden and deliver The Glorious Treble.”

And Brendan The Great And The Mighty raised his face to the Heavens and, with a smile, and a wink, said, “Lord Thy God, thy will be done.”

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