The Record’s Sevco Signing List Is Laughably Bad. Where Do They Get This Stuff?

Seriously, how demented and delusional are these ex Rangers players that the hacks have been bringing out, ever since we done Sevco in the last game?

Everyone has a theory on how to beat us.

James wrote about The Herald and The Times hiring Lee McCulloch; his particular genius suggestions for Sunday included playing Kenny Miller and “putting in a call to Walter.”

Jesus wept. The paper is really getting its money’s worth there, eah?

Then it was the turn of fat Ally and his own fantasies; he came up with a list of players to challenge us.

How many players?

Apparently four would do it.

I think maybe it would. If they were the right players; Messi, for one. Plus a manager, plus a £100m influx of cash and a non criminal chairman.

Just to get on a par with us.

But McCoist’s suggestion was quickly taken up by the Record, and that rag then went on to list the four players who Sevco “could” sign that would allow them to challenge us.

And it’s as bad as you might have expected.

Now let’s look at them with real sense rather than Sevcosense :

Youssouf Mulumbu

I was waiting to see how long it would take for this TBH.

Yes he has been OK for Kilmarnock and scored a few goals, including a winner against us. But he has not set the heather alight as much as the press is making out, his team mate Kris Boyd has scored more and would they want him back?

Isn’t it a sign of how far they’ve fallen the press would be touting a Kilmarnock boss and one of their midfield as an answer to their prayers?

The story is nonsense.

Killie would rightly command a fee of over £1 million, and is he good enough anyway?

He wouldn’t get on our bench.

Nedum Onuoha

Who? I had no idea who he was until this piece.

He is a Queens Park Rangers player, I gather.

There’s not much to him; he was once a highly rated rising star in England, but his career has stalled.

This one is funny because he’s been linked with us in the past five days; a story surfaced online that we had tried to sign him in the January window of 2017. Now that he’s available again at the end of this campaign, the rumour factory has us linked to as well.

Has The Record fallen for a story from a guy hawking around his CV?

Perhaps, but the idea that Sevco would have the money to enter a bidding war for the wages of the 31 year old centre back is pretty ridiculous.

Louis Moult

From pretty ridiculous to scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Again they were linked with him earlier in the season and they couldn’t afford him then; how could they now?

Especially when he would command a transfer fee.

And he has stepped up a bit from Motherwell and can’t hack it, so why?

Certainly he tore Sevco a new one, specifically in the semi final in October, but if that’s what this is about, “oh he tore us apart he must be good” it says more, I think, about how shit they are.

If it’s about his goals in the SPL then why not go for Boyd again?

The question to ask is, would Moult get in our team?

Answer; no.

He might just get on our bench, but only if we had injuries.

A lot of them.

John McGinn

I saved the best for last ….

Yes this boy is a player, but to them – utter fantasy.

Now those idiots would say “Why just cause he a Celtic fan, are you being secterian”?

I would say “No eejit, you Peepul are, and that’s the point.”

John McGinn, and his family, would be subject to disgraceful abuse if this boy signed for them, can you imagine how these Nazi sympathisers of orange belief would take to one of their players’ grandfather being the ex-chairman of Celtic?

John McGinn does not have and never will have Sevco on his radar.

I believe he will play for us one day; he would get in our team to a point just now, but he would be worth the millions that Hibs are quoting – which brings us to sunny point number two; where the Hell would Sevco get £5m plus the wages this boy would probably be on with someone like us?

He may go down south first and come back to us after Broony starts dipping, but it’s more likely than him ever ending up at Ibrox.

This is the start of the “jam tomorrow” shit for their daft fans … coming on the heels of the story about De Boer.

They will be linked with player after player using their ex players and media lackeys, with no actual bids or offers ever happening.

But it will do the job.

The Peepul will swallow anything.

Dave Campbell is a cynical man, but with good reason to be this time.

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