An audio report from The Ipswich Star …
“The tension is palpable. You can feel it in the air. Or maybe it’s just me.
“Here I am, sitting here surrounded by warm bodies. You’d think this was a rock concert or some evangelical event. There’s enough euphoria in the air that it’s more like the first than the second, an air of not quite make-believe but certainly a feeling that makes you want to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming. Again, that might just be me, but other people have to be feeling it too. Except the guy from The Daily Star, who’s picking his nose as he checks his emails.
“But to me, this small studio the club has set up feels more like a wedding hall, waiting for the bride. Honestly, I’m trying hard not to pee my pants with excitement.
“And here he comes, into the room. Frank Lampard. Manager. One of the greatest players ever to pull on a jersey, he’s now the boss. El Boss Man. And of course, he brings with him a wealth of experience. Just not as an actual manager.
“A hush descends. Oh I’m so grateful to be here on this auspicious occasion. I could cry, I really could. I’m not alone. Everyone in this small press area feels the same. If I crane my neck to look around surely there will be representatives from across the world press; why wouldn’t there be?
“They’ll be there somewhere, in the sixth row maybe, the one two from the wall. Squeezed in between the nose-picker from The Daily Star and a bored looking Marina Hyde from The Guardian. What’s up with her? Doesn’t she know this is The Man?
“Speaking earlier to fellow fans outside – there are at least two hundred of them, although some of them were holding a protest banner – they get what’s happening here. One of them gushed about how he saw a guy with Lampard on his shirt already; or maybe it was just a washed out Chelsea strip, glimpsed from a distance. Doesn’t matter. All Chelsea fans will be Ipswich fans now. Our little town, our little club, is about to expand its football footprint!
“And oh how the money will roll in. Frank Lampard. He’s here. I asked the club marketing manager if he thinks shirt sales will shoot upwards. He gave me a funny look. ‘Tracksuits sales, maybe,’ he said, ‘But people don’t wear them at games, do they?’
“No matter. Worldwide media attention will focus on this place. It has started already. There’s a guy two seats down from me, he definitely looks foreign. Then his phone rings and I realise he’s Scottish when he starts yammering down the line about how great it is that his own team has just won a double treble. He’s a freelancer. I ask him which title he works on and he laughs derisively. He clearly has a problem with his own local media.
“But all that is by-the-by. We’re here today to see the Great One. Lampard. His name alone will fetch top stars. They will flock to this club like wild birds heading for warmer climates in winter. We’re not rich, but that’s beside the point. They will come here just for the chance to touch the helm of the winner. The champion. The leader.
“I suggest this to Marina but she stares at me like I’m thick and says something about how they all know him from playing against him week in week out and how they’re not exactly star-struck. Not like me.
“I wonder; is she suggesting I’m lacking professionalism?
“A guy I know just sat down beside me; he’s from BBC Radio Ipswich.
“I turn to him and say ‘Crazy, right?’ and he agrees, and lurches into a spiel about how the Hell the club can afford to take such a punt on a guy with no experience as a boss and give him a four year deal … I can’t believe this.
“There’s no excitement in the air except for me.
“That silence that greeted Lampard when he walked in, it wasn’t awe, it was people putting up pictures on Instagram ….
“What’s wrong with these people? Why are they being so negative?
“This club, this town, is on the up and up. Surely now we’re headed for greatness … just think of all those players he’s played with, those connections he has, the cream of Chelsea’s youth academy, coming to play here … Charley Musonda for starters, what a difference he could make to us …
“Honestly, I find this disheartening.
“A mate of mine was at the Gerrard press conference up at Ibrox and he told me the place was buzzing, there were thousands of fans there, the media were eating out of the guy’s hand … and we get this?
“What’s wrong with this picture? What’s wrong with the media here? Why aren’t people more excited? Isn’t this … historic?”