There was a time when television was full of shows about how dumb people are.
American’s Dumbest Criminals used to feature the daftest of the daft.
One story which I found particularly hilarious was that of the bank robber who had no mask and who instead put shaving foam all over his face. Anyone thinking “that could work” is perhaps right. But what elevated the guy beyond mere stupidity was that, in spite of having a gun, he took his place in the queue and waited to be served. By which time the foam had all dribbled off.
And yes, he still tried to go through with the robbery.
I thought of that guy yesterday when I read what the Takeover Panel had told King; the façade is over. They want to see money on the table, and much more besides. They want to see proof that he is complying and not just a smoke and mirror job.
Congrats, again, to the bloggers for pointing out the obviousness of what King did. We were the only people who actually said “well let’s see the small print.” As usual, the media rushed to say that King had ticked all the boxes. Do all these people get paid for just re-writing press releases or what?
Let’s talk for a second about the Sevco fans though.
It was the great PT Barnum who said “There’s a sucker born every minute.” A sucker is not just someone who is dumb, but someone who puts his money in front of his brains. He once sold a truckload of almost worthless white salmon by guaranteeing that it “wouldn’t go pink in the can.” And so he turned a disadvantage into a selling point, but one that could only have worked on the most gullible mark. He was, of course, a genius.
Think on the sort of person who buys cheap dreck because they are told it’s better than the universally recognised quality product. And whilst you do that, ponder for a moment the quaint little tale that Ronald Reagan used to tell at dinner parties, that of the kid who expected a wonderful Christmas present and was presented, instead, with a shovel and a shit-pile. The kid started to dig excitedly, announcing that “there must be a pony in here somewhere.”
Could you get a more perfect metaphor for the Peepul?
Yesterday as their club was bleeding out, they were discussing the transfer budget of a man who’s not even signed on the dotted line yet. If the Gerrard thing turns out to be a scam on their fans rather than just an all-out embarrassment for all concerned, it will be one that succeeded because of their stupidity. Distract people enough to get your hands on their wallets; it’s the first thing every hustler learns how to do.
And today the full measure of the contempt Sevco has not just for its own supporters but for the media itself has been unveiled. The media buzzes with more talk of “investment.” How yesterday’s catastrophic resignations are actually part of “boardroom restructuring”; yes, a little bit like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.
And what is this “investment” for?
To give Steven Gerrard his “war chest.” You see, this is the purest example of people Just Not Getting It. As I said yesterday, even the language is a con-job. There is no “investing” in a football team … people might invest in a football club, but that’s a different prospect entirely. Directors might write cheques to keep the lights on, but Sevco’s crawling to Close Brothers proved that nobody will do it to indulge this “going for 55” nonsense.
Read this absolute tripe from The Daily Mail; “Sportsmail understands chairman Dave King has already held discussions with external parties willing to put money into the club, via a rights issue geared to converting existing shareholder loans to equity and raising working capital.”
That paragraph is such a train wreck that you’d be forgiven if you missed the point, so let me break it down into plain English for you. According to them King is talking to people outside the club and asking them to invest in a share issue which will give those inside the club shares in exchange for the debt they have already run up.
At what point did the writer – Stephen McGowan – stop and say “That does not make any sense; how would the debt-for-equity swap involving existing directors bring fresh cash into Sevco? All it does is write off existing loans.”
But this is the level of garbage in which much of the media seems to have put its faith.
Missing from any of the “analysis” on this today, and it’s in every paper, is even the most basic recognition that this “search for investment” is an admission that the club is skint and the board all out of ideas, and it almost certainly wrecks the Gerrard deal, because any promises that are made to him would be dependent on a lot of “if’s, but’s and maybes.” If he takes the job under those circumstances, I have a truckload of white salmon to sell him.
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