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Gerrard Says He Won’t Obsess Over Catching Celtic, But, Of Course, He Will.

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Steven Gerrard has thrown his first bone to the Sevco faithful. And like good wee dogs they are biting on it and lapping at his hands. He used the O word, in a clearly deliberate manner, doubtless after a suggestion from a “friendly” PR man.

I advise him to stay away from “friendly” PR men and to keep them out of his press conferences in the future. Because his comments in the media today are nonsense, I’m afraid.

Gerrard said he won’t “obsess over Celtic” and that’s pretty smart of him if I’m being honest.

He can’t afford to. He says all the right things about respecting other teams and not being arrogant enough to think we’re his only problem … but the truth is – and it’s fairly obvious if you really want to see it – that he doesn’t believe what’s coming out of his mouth.

He’s already bought into the idea that we are.

It’s why he’s at Ibrox in the first place.

This guy said he wasn’t ready for the English Championship; why do you think he reckons he can handle the SPL?

Because he believes that Sevco is a slumbering giant who only needs to be shaken into wakefulness. He has already bought, completely, into the idea of how other sides should be afraid of the blue jerseys. He’s already talked absolute garbage about how his new signings “want to fight for the shirt”; a Croatian who could barely find Scotland on the map and a Brighton reserve are hell-for-leather Sevconuts are they?

Our favourite Sevco fan site writers are peeing themselves in joy that he “talks like a Sevco manager”, whatever that means. Oh yeah, it’s all about “dignity.”

We’ll see how much of that he can muster in six months’ time.

But Gerrard himself isn’t really the issue here.

The fact is, even if every word that came out of his mouth was well intentioned, if he meant every word, if he was completely sincere about all of it, he would still be forced, little by little, towards the same fate that beset his two predecessors; time is not on their side. He might believe he can stay above the fray, but King has already told the world what the expectations are. He got his claws into the club promising that he was the only one who could stop the ten.

And that remains the sole focus of everyone inside Ibrox. If Sevco was serious, at all, about not focussing on us they would be acting rationally and sensibly and living within their means, but instead they’ve opted for a high-stakes expensive punt on this guy.

In American Football it’s called a Hail Mary pass.

You couldn’t use that term around Ibrox, of course.

I’ve always loved the expression.

It refers to a last ditch, long-range, all or nothing play.

Sometimes seen as an act of desperation, it has nevertheless paid off in spades several times in high profile games; those moments are usually affixed with the word “miracle” such as The Miracle In Mowtown, The Bluegrass Miracle and The Miracle of Michigan, all historic moments in America’s absurd but wonderful national game.

When the entire club at Ibrox is focussed only on Celtic, how is the guy in the manager’s office supposed to resist that gravity? Sevco fans are already wailing at his “difficult start” but it’s not the game at Pittodrie that they have their eyes on, it’s the idea that if he leaves Celtic Park more than four points behind that the “title challenge” might be in peril before it even starts.

If he leaves Celtic Park more than four points behind it won’t be in peril, it’ll be over. The dominos will begin falling from that day, and they won’t stop until he’s clearing out his desk and roasting on an open fire. If he doubts that he’s insane. The costs of sacking him will be astronomical, but I can only conclude the costs of firing Caixinha and his backroom team were and that hiring Gerrard in the first place has put them in the bottom of the money pit.

Things like that don’t unduly concern the masters of Sevconia. Theirs is a land where money grows on trees and there’s always more of it. Or so their fans seem to think, and if they’re content in that fantasy who are we to argue with it?

If Gerrard is floundering and it’s go down with him or toss him a cinderblock the board over there will dispense with services and not even wait to wave as he vanishes below the waterline. I know they’ll do it without hesitation, and so should he.

The cost might give them a momentary nosebleed but the quest to stop the ten takes precedence over all.

The Sevco fans think of nothing but Celtic.

The board of directors there thinks of nothing but Celtic. There are players at the club who thinking of nothing but Celtic and the media will endlessly compare how he’s started with how Brendan did and how we’re doing. Their club’s entire existence is predicated on Celtic’s. We don’t merely exist in their orbit, we are their orbit, we’re what they spend their time circling around, the sun at the centre of their universe, the only thing that gives them light and profile out of Scotland.

Without us, they wouldn’t even exist. There would have been no reason for anyone to buy the shattered remnants of Rangers in 2012, and ever since their inception we’re the only thing they’ve been focussed on.

It’s not for nothing that I’ve used expressions of both fire and water in this article, because for all the advice he’s been given, and for all he probably thinks it’s wise to fly straight, this guy’s not going to be able to help himself. The closer to the sun he tries to get, the more the wax on his wings is going to melt, and like Icarus he’s going to crash into the ocean.

His ending’s already been written. All we’re doing is waiting for the splash.

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