We all know that in their rush to get out stories the media sometimes makes mistakes. They rush to judgement. They get their facts wrong. There are some stories, though, which are so ridiculous they ought never to have seen the light of day. They are the ones we talk about when we flay the MSM. I don’t claim that this is an exhaustive list of the times they erred, spectacularly, when it came to our club, but it’s a nice overview. These are in no particular order; when you are grading the Scottish press on this stuff it is difficult to pick out one specific piece and say it ranks as the worst. There are some which do stand out, though, and would certainly make a top five. We all know there are many, many more.
On The Eve Of A Game The Record Asks If Lennon Or Hector Is “More Hated At Ibrox?”
The Daily Record aimed for, and found, bottom when they wrote that diabolical headline prior to our final visit to Ibrox in 2012. Their objective in doing so has never been properly established, but you have to ponder the kind of mind that comes up with that when our manager had been subjected to death threats, assaults and the even bombs. What they did not expect was Celtic’s reaction on behalf of our then manager; Celtic cut off all contact and co-operation with the paper instantly, branding the headline “inflammatory and offensive.” We demanded a full apology before any sort of relationship would be restored, and just days later the paper was in full-scale grovel mode, giving us an unreserved one. “We would hope that this kind of ill-judged reporting does not occur again,” was Celtic’s venomous response.
The Hearse Outside Celtic Park
The Daily Record and Sunday Mail’s greatest wheeze. How hilarious it must have seemed at the time, when our club looked like it was in trouble. The staged picture was one that infuriated our fans at the time and still infuriates them today … but we had the last laugh. Fergus swept in, saved the club in the nick of time, rebuilt the stadium and stopped the Ibrox quest for ten. In years to come the advantages his revolution gave us swept them away. In the end, it was Ibrox that saw the arrival of the hearses as their club slid into liquidation and death.
Hugh Keevins Predicts Celtic Will Lose To God Knows Who
A few years back, as Celtic was playing in the Europa League, a supporter embarrassed the pundit Hugh Keevins live on the radio with a superb pair of left field questions that the broadcaster was all at sea trying to answer. During a pre-match discussion, Keevins predicted that Celtic would lose to Atletico Madrid with the Spanish side winning “comfortably.” He spoke with such surety that he had to know what he was talking about, right? Wrong. A fan who called in bamboozled him by asking him to name three players in the Madrid lineup; Keevins got one. He then asked him where Madrid were currently sitting in the Spanish league. Keevins guessed, and guessed wrong. Rarely has his ignorance been so brutally exposed, and although Madrid did win the game it was a treat to hear Keevins get so thoroughly schooled and shown up.
Succulent Lamb And Celtic’s “Deep Pockets”
Everyone remembers Jim Traynor’s famous, cringe-inducing, interview with David Murray which brought the world the notorious phrase “succulent lamb.” What fewer seem to recall is that Celtic were one of the key subjects at that famous dinner, and the question as to how we would cope after the departure of Fergus McCann. Murray was boasting on the future of the Ibrox club and his readiness to go the extra mile, and he issued a warning to us. “Whoever takes over at Celtic Park next had better have very deep pockets,” he said. The press loved it. Traynor wrote it up as Murray laying down a challenge we’d struggle to meet. Nobody believed we would. That was in 1999, and although there were tribulations in the two years to come what Fergus had built had given us an inbuilt financial advantage meaning we didn’t need a sugar-daddy. When it came time to appoint Martin and give him the money, we could do it and we did.
A Very Dembele Christmas Day As Sky Jumps The Shark.
Anyone who watched Sky Sports News last Christmas knows the moment the Scottish desk finally shattered its own credibility. It was the moment their “sources” told them – and they then broadcast – the “news” that Moussa Dembele was being sold to Brighton, with the clubs having agreed terms and the player was satisfied and on his way in January. There was so much wrong with that story it was difficult to know where to start. The window wouldn’t be open for another week, Celtic and Brighton had already denied that either was interested in doing business and the notion that he would have chosen that particular club was frankly ludicrous. We never did find out where that most bizarre story came from, and Sky Sports News never bothered to clarify it or admit they got it wrong, but it’s a red-letter day for their Scottish team who could not have blundered more if they tried. Somewhere, even Kris Boyd is laughing his head off.
Martin O’Neill Sues The Press. Many, Many Times.
By the time he had reached the end of his career in charge at Parkhead, Martin O’Neill had developed a reputation amongst Scottish hacks for being quick to draw his guns at the slightest mistruth. Those who had forgotten, or failed to appreciate, that O’Neill had a legal background were reminded of it over and over again during his time in charge. He sued two separate papers – The Observer and The Daily Record – over claims that he had been in talks with other clubs whilst at Parkhead (Manchester United in the Observer’s case and Liverpool in the case of The Record) and he sued a number of outlets over a story about “tapping” Artur Boruc. Mistakes will happen, from time to time, and many managers and players allow the media latitude … but Martin never did. Just how stupid they were to continue provoking him can be ascertained from a quote from a legal firm who had worked with him previously. It offered a gleeful appraisal of the case his then-legal team took on over the Liverpool story; “Those representing O’Neill against the Daily Record must have thought that Christmas had come early …”
Hugh Keevins, Craig Bellamy And Fairies At The Bottom Of The Garden
When Celtic was looking for a talismanic front man in 2005, the board were heartened to hear that Welsh striking sensation Craig Bellamy was available and might be willing to talk. What few properly appreciated was that Bellamy was Celtic-daft and would have killed to pull on the famous Hoops. Yet even had that not been the case, only a complete idiot would have ruled out the move on the grounds that our club wasn’t big enough to go for such a star. Enter Hugh Keevins and his second entry into this Hall of Shame. He reported the story of our interest with the ignorant scorn for which he is notorious. “Anyone who believes that Craig Bellamy will sign for Celtic believes in fairies at the bottom of the garden,” he said. Which was bad for him, because we now know that Bellamy didn’t need to have his arm twisted. It took less than a week before Keevins was served with a big double plate of humble pie, as the striker put pen to paper.
Pre-Season Defeats Prompt “Crisis” Headlines And Cracked Crests
This got to be such a regular occurrence that Celtic fans still talk about it mockingly to this day; no other club can generate talk of a “crisis” after losing a few pre-season friendlies. And whereas full blown crises at other clubs generate a lot of sympathy, the slightest slip from the norm at Parkhead results in something else; the broken badge, the famous “cracked crest.” The consistency with which this has occurred occasions great mirth amongst our supporters. Numerous ludicrous events have seen it adorn back pages. News of The World even dragged the broken crest out when Paul Hartley was injured before a Rangers game. The Sun once used it because Henrik had gone three games without scoring which they headlined a “Crisis Of Confidence.” It’s become so widely derided that our fans joke about it whenever we suffer even a minor setback, or when the club does something some of the fans don’t particularly like. Release a crap strip? “It’s cracked crest” time again.” But really, to have seen it in 2004 after we’d lost a couple of pre-season matches in North America was like seeing a snow man on your grass during a summer heatwave.
Dr Who? The Media Turns On Venglos With A Vengeance
How does the media cover its own ineptitude? With scorn. There were two occasions when the unveiling of a Celtic boss has resulted in the hacks getting egg all over their faces, and making colossal misjudgements in their anger. This was the first. We’ll cover the second in a moment. But the treatment Venglos got was, unarguably, the worse of the two. For months the press had believed we were on the verge of appointing Norway manager Egil Olsen. There had also been some talk of Gerard Houllier. But it was Venglos McCann wanted, and he knew exactly why. The media’s reaction was hysterical; “Dr Who?” screamed The Sun. “Celtic Sign A Blank Czech” was the vaguely racist headline in The Record. Their ignorance of the man and his standing in the game was astounding and whilst he didn’t win us a title, he made crucial signings, got us playing blindly, Celtic style football, and took on a scouting role which transformed the way we found players. So widely regarded is he all across football that UEFA and FIFA both had him on their paid lecture circuit, where he travelled the world educating people on the game. Everywhere, it seems, but Scotland.
Thugs And Thieves: The Daily Records Notorious Slur On A Whole Club
In December 2002, the Celtic squad was enjoying a night out in Newcastle when they were interrupted by a journalist working for the Scottish press, there on a trawling expedition and looking for a negative story. Something happened. The details of it are still sketchy but what certainly did not transpire was what The Daily Record was to allege in one of their most spectacular articles, a piece of ill-judged nonsense, reeking of madness, which smeared the whole of our club. “Thugs And Thieves” it screamed, next to pictures of our first team squad with the word “Arrested” stamped on them. The story was that the journalist and his photographer had been assaulted by our players and that Neil Lennon had stolen £12,000 of camera equipment. The club went tonto. The entire story was dismissed as a sham, and Lennon took it all the way to court where he won damages and a full apology was tweezered out of the paper. It seems not have been the only consequence. The paper’s editor, Peter Cox, was fired not long afterwards.
Kris Boyd And The Divided Dressing Room At Celtic Park
You didn’t really think I was going to leave this one out, did you? Of course not. Boyd’s pitiful article is what inspired this piece in the first place. His assertion – backed by not one piece of evidence, even of the “my taxi driver told me” sort – that Olivier Ntcham wanted out of Parkhead and that the dressing room was irrevocably split will go down in history as one of the stupidest ever broadcast to a wide audience. Not only was that claptrap allowed to appear in a national newspaper but the viral nature of modern journalism meant that it was soon picked up by every other title. And to top it off, in a widely derided moment of funk, Tom English of the BBC did an “interview” with Boyd that gave it even greater prominence. It led to one of the most surreal moments in our recent media history; when asked if he could prove it, Boyd said no. When asked if he had spoken to people inside Celtic Boyd said no. When asked how he knew this stuff his priceless answer was “Ah joost dae” in the manner of a Brexiteer predicting a bright future outside of the EU.
“Scott Brown Wants To Go To Rangers … A Deal Has Been Done.”
One of the most laugh-out-loud things you can do as a Scottish football fan is go back over old Radio Clyde recordings – there are dozens of them on YouTube – and listen to the nonsense that has occasionally been talked there down through the years. One of the most notorious was Derek Johnstone’s “promise” to resign from the show if Scott Brown did not sign for Rangers. “The deal has been done,” he assured listeners. And not even a bigger offer than the alleged £3.5 million which the Ibrox club had offered for him would change that. The whole exchange, which can be heard below, is wonderful for the sheer ridiculousness of Johnstone’s comments and they are especially hilarious in light of where we are now, with Brown a ten-year man at Celtic and one of the most influential and successful captains in our history.
The Daily Record Compares Fergus McCann To Saddam Hussein
Another notorious moment for the Scottish hacks, and one they were to sorely regret; the day a national newspaper compared our chairman to Saddam Hussein. It came in the aftermath of a judge’s summing up in the case between Celtic and former manager Lou Macari. In spite of Celtic winning that case hands down, the judge had a few choice words to say about wee Fergus’ management style. It would all have been water off a duck’s back to Fergus, who let’s face it didn’t come to Celtic Park in the hope of making lots of new friends, but anyone would have been piqued to see the judge’s words turned into ammo for such a vicious attack. It was the hey-day of Murray’s good relationship with the media, and that was frequently turned into excoriating Celtic whenever the chance arose, but that was a profoundly disturbing piece and one that infuriated those inside the club to the extent that certain journalists became persona non grata inside Parkhead.
Wim Who? The Media Blows It Big Time Over Our Dutch Manager.
The Scottish media must have thought all their Christmases had come early when, with Rangers on the brink of ten in a row, we turned away from the manager they had expected – all told, the man they had been preparing to slate was Portuguese Artur Jorge – and appointed a guy that none of them had ever heard of. In spite of Jansen being well known throughout the sport – no less than Johan Cruyff once said that he was “one of the four people worth listening to when he talks about football” – the media reaction was venomous. “The Worst Thing To Hit Hiroshima Since The Atom Bomb” was the disgraceful headline in The Sun, in relation to his time in the Japanese league. It was emblematic of the response as a whole. The ignorance of his record and his credentials was only part of it; the objective was to strangle his Celtic career at birth. But Jansen was made of stronger stuff than they could have imagined. Aside from having a good tactical mind he had an eye for players which was almost unrivalled. So it was that for under £1 million we signed the last genuinely world class footballer to play in Scotland; Henrik Larsson. Jansen was at Celtic for only one year but he did not depart in disgrace or ignominy; he stopped the ten with a last-day title win and added the League Cup as a wee bonus. Wim will never be forgotten by our fans and ten in a row will ensure that his legacy reverberates through our history.
Hugh Keevins – Wrongly – Calls The Title Race “Over” In November 2011.
Another Hugh Keevins entry, and this one is a beauty. On 3rd November 2011, after Celtic had been on a bad run of form, Keevins called the title race “over” and said we could not catch Rangers, that they would win four in a row. Darrell King agreed wholeheartedly. The assertion was ridiculous for many reasons; almost everyone knew, for example, that Rangers was in dire financial trouble and would need to sell players in January. There were also a couple of games between the two clubs coming in very short order. “We’re not here to tell you the story of Goldilocks and The Three Bears,” Keevins told a guy who phoned in that night, in his typically off-hand sarcastic manner. “I’ve been right this season all along.” By New Year, of course, the title race had swung in our favour after nine wins on the bounce, culminating in Joe Ledley’s goal against Rangers at Celtic Park on 28 December, which put us two points clear at the top going into 2012 … a year that was to see the Ibrox club finally slide into the abyss and put us on our ten in a row track.
Lubomir Moravcik And How We Should Have Got John Spencer Instead
No Keevins prediction was ever so ludicrous though as the one he made when we signed “Dr Jo’s old pal” back in 2008. There has never been such a monumental piece of sheer ignorance written on the sports pages anywhere than what Keevins famously penned in the aftermath of that deal, and shortly before Moravcik wowed Parkhead for the first time by dismantling Rangers in that memorable 5-1 game. “I don’t know what I find more laughable – the fact that Celtic cannot find £500,000 from their biscuit tin to sign a proven talent like John Spencer, or the fact that they then spent £300,000 on one of Dr Jo’s old pals, the unknown Lubomir Moravcik,” he wrote. And I don’t know which part of that is worse; his utter disdain for Lubo or his assertion that John Spencer would have been a better bet. 20 years on, Keevins has apologised for that, realising that he will forever be judged by the standards of that article. It matters not. His numerous places on this list show that it was not a one off. But it will never be anything less than disastrous to his reputation. It will never be anything less than evidence of how uninformed he was. This is the one that will echo down through history whenever Keevins name is brought up. And he knows it too.