Oh dear. Oh how sad. Tragedy strikes, and the violins come out. Who wants to put some money in the case and request a Song For Stevie?
How about the old Funeral March? Can you play that with a violin? Beethoven’s Symphony No 3 contains a very good version of it.
Trouble is in the wind, like the smell of something that died and is now being picked over by the vultures.
The sound of booing at Ibrox yesterday would have been louder had more fans been inside the ground when the whistle went.
The 700 plus in the Celtic end were perfectly audible.
Oh how the Ibrox directors wish that sectarian singing was their only problem.
This is how it begins, you know.
This is how the desperate slide starts.
The abyss swallows all of us eventually, but the life of a manager is a desperate scramble to avoid its gravitational pull. You’ve not earned your spurs until your first dismissal, and of all the questions that come out of that result yesterday, this one is my favourite:
Stevie G, how will you get yours?
Look, this guy is not a good manager and no amount of spending will make him one.
Even the SPL will not be able to dress it up.
He’s had an easy run of it in Europe, against middling teams, and yesterday he went into the home game needing a win which would have seen him anointed as the Chosen One. Remember The Simpsons? When Homer is made head of the Stonecutters?
Based on nothing but a dodgy birth mark and a smeared piece of parchment.
Who the Hell knows what the Cult Of Steve Gerrard is built on? Nothing of substance anyway. What did I say before? That this guy has “loser” written all over him. Anyone who was caught up in the media’s incessant anti-Celtic hype of recent weeks deserved what they got.
And so yes, this is how the steady slide starts. This is the pressure starting to ramp up, the first he’s been put under since this season started. The curtain will fall long before it’s mathematically impossible for them to win the title.
So where, and how, will it end?
History is full of wonderful examples, tantalising stories which might offer us a hint of what it will look like when the ship goes down.
Let’s dare to dream of how it’s all going to turn out …
Harry Redknapp Was Sacked When He Thought He Was Getting A New Deal …
In 2001, Harry Redknapp turned up for work at West Ham to sign a new four-year deal which would have netted him £10 million.
There was no sign on the horizon that the board was dissatisfied with him, in spite of poor form.
Terry Brown, the club’s chairman, entered the room and told the smiling manager “Harry, we’ve decided to let you go.” Redknapp burst into tears.
Gerrard will probably not cry when his sacking comes, because he’s on a pretty fat contract which the Ibrox club will have to make up in full … there are three and a half years of it left.
Gus Poyet Was Famously Sacked Whilst He Was On The Telly …
Gus Poyet was sitting in a TV studio for BBC3 when, in 1993, the news he’d been fired was given to him by one of their anchors. Mark Chapman, sitting to his right, stunned the viewers.
“While we’ve been on air, Gus Poyet has been told that his contract has been terminated at Brighton & Hove Albion,” he said, and turned to the man next to him. “And you found out, Gus, because a member of our production team printed off the statement and gave it to you.”
Gerrard is a frequent pundit, and as Mark Warburton was informed of his own Ibrox dismissal watching Sky Sports News don’t rule anything out.
Delio Rossi Was Sacked For Leathering His Own Player …
Fiorentina president Andre Della Valle sacked his manager Delio Rossi immediately after a game in 2012.
Not unusual in itself, but the reason certainly was.
Rossi exploded for no apparent reason during a routine match in which his side was 2-0 down in the 32nd minute.
When he made a substitution and the player going off sarcastically applauded him, his response was to leap into the dugout and start swinging punches at the guy … as the marvellous footage below shows.
The idea of Gerrard and Morelos setting about each other in the midst of a particularly tense plummet in form is just too delicious not to long for.
Saban Yildirim Was Sacked For “Humiliating” His Club On A National Radio Phone-In …
Saban Yildirim, the manager of Turkish side Sakaryaspor, was sacked whilst doing a radio phone in show with the fans.
Such was the incendiary nature of some of what he was saying, the club’s chairman phoned the station and dished out his firing live on the air.
“Saban has humiliated the club, so he is removed from his position immediately!”
Derek Johnston could have got Gerrard onto Clyde for a Q&A … that would have been quite amusing, I reckon, especially with Celtic fans phoning in asking him how he balances having a daughter named Lourdes with the “magnificent” fans forever up to their knees in Irish Catholic blood.
It’s not impossible that he might renounce them and spark the inevitable Club 1872 statement …
Trevor Francis Was Sacked On His Birthday …
Trevor Francis was sacked by Crystal Palace on his 49th birthday, and when he pleaded for his job by using that fact it mitigation it cut no slack whatsoever with their mad chairman of that time, Simon Jordan, who said “Many happy returns,” and gave him his P45.
Gerrard’s birthday is 30 May.
The season is pretty much over by then, but to lose his job a week after this season’s Scottish Cup Final … not impossible.
I doubt he’ll do much pleading, not when he can simply blame the board’s failure to properly back him.
Jackie McNamara Was Sacked By York … Who Then Promoted Him …
Our own Jackie McNamara got a bit of a shock when he was fired as York City boss … because the sacking came with a promotion to the job as Chief Executive.
Eah? How the Hell does that happen?
Well it did, as bizarre as that might sound. A little bit like Craig Levein at Tynecastle, but in reverse.
A truly mad one for bosses everywhere to contemplate.
Gerrard as the next Ibrox CEO? Do you know something, it’s not as mad as it sounds.
They hired him on the basis that his global brand was bigger than theirs and that will remain the case no matter what happens to him.
Giving him some kind of ambassadorial role, or offering him one anyway, makes a lot of sense … except that it would the end of his managerial career and he harbours demented fantasies of going to Anfield one day and taking Klopp’s seat.
Christoph Daum Was Sacked For Lying About His Part In A Cocaine Orgy …
Christoph Daum actually played a minor role in giving Rangers a free run at Champions League glory in 1992 when, as Stuttgart manager he stupidly fielded an ineligible player in his team’s qualifier where they routinely took care of Leeds, only for the match-result to be overturned and the Elland Road club sent to play at Ibrox instead.
The German press rechristened him Christoph Dumb, but he almost had the last laugh when he took a Bayern Leverkusen on a glorious run and was named the next manager of the national team.
But his derisive nickname was soon re-applied when he was sacked from that post before even starting … after being accused of taking part in a hookers and cocaine orgy. Even when forensic tests proving that he left hairs on the scene – ugh! – came to light he continued to deny it.
Under threat of arrest he finally admitted his guilt, and was fired instantly.
He later went on to success in several countries and was appointed manager of Romania … where another spectacular breakdown on live TV factored into his eventual dismissal.
The idea of Gerrard involved with cocaine and hookers … too tough for my stomach to contemplate after a night on the booze.
We’ll skip over this one, I reckon.
Mark Poulsen Was Sacked By Sussex Minows By Phone … During A Game …
Chichester City boss Mark Poulsen was sacked over the phone … whilst sitting in the dugout watching the second half of his team’s eventual 4-2 defeat in the Sussex Cup against local rivals Redhill.
One of the directors actually called him mid-game to tell him the news.
He kept his composure, sat through the game until full-time and told his players in the dressing room.
He then launched into quite the rant when talking to the media.
“There had been a lot going on ever since I started at Chichester and I feared it might end like this. It’s the most unprofessional and shambolic organisation I have ever been involved with. There are people there who aren’t interested in the good of the club, only in waging their own personal wars.”
Gerrard will certainly have plenty to tell the press when he is dispatched from Ibrox; imagine some of the stories if they don’t get him to sign a Non-Disclosure?
Would he be sacked during a match?
I don’t even think King is as unprofessional as that though, do you?
Peter McCormack May Have Had The Most Humiliating Scottish Sacking Of Them All …
Peter McCormack of Cowdenbeath was sacked at a roadside burger van near the Forth Bridge.
No joke.
He had been at the club for only 10 days, but his methods weren’t going over well with the players and they complained to the directors … and the board backed them.
McCormack called it a “coup d’etat” and said, “I’ve been made to look a fool.”
Gerrard will probably get his marching orders in somewhat more salubrious surroundings; the club restaurant maybe, over a plate of Eggs Benedict.
Notts County Sacked John Sheridan For A Foul Mouthed Rant At A Ref …
In December 2016, John Sheridan was sacked as Notts County manager after an absolutely incredible, deranged, outburst against a referee.
““You’re a f**king disgrace, you’re f**king useless, you’ve not f**king got anything right today, you should be f**king ashamed and you’re f**king s**t,” he raved, before adding the priceless and immortal, “My kids aren’t going to get any f**king Christmas presents because of you.”
And in a sense, that was correct as the club chairman, who was highly unimpressed by that outburst, fired him as soon as it was full-time.
Gerrard’s outbursts against officials both during and after games are pretty notorious, but I think it highly improbable that the club would see that as grounds for dismissal, considering some of their own deranged press releases to the same effect.
And Leroy Rosenior Lasted TEN MINUTES At His Managerial Gig At Torquay …
Leroy Rosenior had the best sacking ever, or the worst if you want to be that way about it.
His tenure at Torquey lasted for just ten minutes.
Because just after getting the job the club was taken over in a buy-out and the new board wanted a fresh start … and he was gone.
Gerrard has lasted longer than that, of course, but could a club takeover be what forces him out the door?
Unlikely, as if nobody wants to buy their useless Colombian striker who the Hell is going to pay for the entire club?
Lenny Silenced The Critics Yesterday, And Put His Rival Boss Under Real Pressure …
Yesterday, we put the Ibrox club back in its wee box.
The sands have shifted under Gerrard’s feet.
The cult that has been built around him has begun to collapse.
Under pressure, his team of expensive freebies folded like a cardboard box left outside in the rain.
Lennon, on the other hand, showed what he is made of. He kept it simple. He told his players to press high up the pitch, and they did. He insisted on a patient counter attacking plan, and it paid off in spades. Everything went just perfectly.
The Ibrox supporters already fear the worst. Gerrard’s team has survived two majors scares in the league already, with a last minute winner and a single goal win from a free kick at St Mirren … their start has not been as impressive as some in the press have made out, and after yesterday some of their fans are asking the question, the one I asked at the start.
Where and how does it end? Fear and loathing are stalking the halls at Ibrox again.
Steven Gerrard, how will you get yours?
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