Oh you just knew it didn’t you?
You just knew that Kris Boyd would find a way to outdo the lot of them.
You just knew that amidst all the gibbering nonsense that he would find a way to rise about the levels of the ordinary.
You just knew it would be beautiful.
When you read the words “I reckon” in the first paragraph of a Kris Boyd piece you just know that the rest is going to be masterful, but only if you have stripped that word of all meaning and still have to apply it dipped in the bitterest sarcasm.
Because Kris Boyd couldn’t reckon his socks on in the morning without someone to help him.
This is a guy so stupid that if you put the Lucas Tower puzzle in front of him and a rhesus monkey the bookies would stop taking bets on the ape after less than a minute.
He “reckons” that Lennon played without a striker to send a message to the board.
He gambled, in effect, with his own job and the immediate future of the club, because he wasn’t happy at only getting £14 million to spend so far in the window without any corresponding sales.
This is the logic of a dog left in a hot car, staring aimlessly at the door handle.
It is the journalistic equivalent of a kid in a nursery corner, scribbling away merrily, whilst humming The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round.
The main thrust of his piece was to offer a critique of “the signing policy” at the club which has won the last eleven domestic trophies, and he does make a point when he cites the number of duds who’ve come through the doors over the years.
Here’s the thing though; nowhere in there is the slightest hint that this policy has also seen us rake in some £70 million in transfer fees over the last five years … whilst the corresponding figure at Ibrox is vanishingly small.
And if he’s interested in transfer policy, he can try this.
Gerrard has signed twenty-nine players for Sevco and brought in another half dozen or so on loan … in five transfer windows.
Twenty-two of those players are still at the club … but that includes Jordan Jones, Jamie Murphy, George Edmundson, Greg Stewart, Glen Kamara and Brandon Barker, none of whom might still be there at the end of this window.
Murphy and Jones have been told they can go.
They are desperately seeking buys for Greg Stewart, Barker and Kamara and Edmundson is the lower league player we all said he was.
The remainder includes Steven Davis, Allan McGregor and Jermaine Defoe, who are over 35. Balogun is 32 and so is Jon McLaughlin.
No fewer than seven of Gerrard’s own signings have left or been shown the door in a little over 26 months and they would accept offers for at least a half dozen others, which is to say nothing for the numerous loanees who’ve gone back to their clubs having flopped.
And all to win the sum total of nil.
If Boyd wants to talk about sheer waste let’s start there.
What’s equally incredible, of course, is that their two most consistent performers are Tavernier and Morelos … neither of whom was signed by the current manager.
Boyd’s entire article reeks of bitterness and spite. It is a contemptible piece from a contemptible little man, skewed and partisan and fundamentally dishonest at its core.
It belongs in The Sun.
That’s the standard of that rag.
So let’s not pretend this is “journalism” or that Boyd is “a pundit.”
His work doesn’t rise to the standards of a fanzine feature writer, and only in our direst of media environments would he be taken remotely seriously for it.
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