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Gerrard Set For Sensational Swoop As Messi Becomes Free Agent – A Keith Jackass Exclusive.

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Gerrard Set For Sensational Swoop As Messi Becomes Free Agent – A Keith Jackass Exclusive.

Former Rangers target Lionel Messi is tonight reportedly on the brink of a move to Scotland, with Gerrard just days away from the greatest coup in all of management history.

The best player of all time, now a free agent, is known to have long harboured regrets about never having played for the SPL title holders.

Now, with a former world class midfielder at the helm and big money having been raised from the Scottish press, fan media sites and a raft of sponsorship deals, including their cut of the new SPL contract, the financial power to deal him in is available and that, and the personal magnetism of Gerrard, might just be enough to get the deal done.

Messi will have his choice of clubs, but Ibrox holds a special place in his heart since going there, and being thwarted, under Walter Smith.

His “anti-football” comments in the aftermath of that game were misinterpreted as being negative; actually, Messi was complimenting Smith’s tactical acumen and has long hoped to play for teams who played that way.

We tried to contact Chris Sutton just to rub his face in it, but he wouldn’t take our calls.

Instead we got Charlie Adam who called it “a magnificent signing which will set my club … ahem I meant their club … apart from every other team in Europe.”

Alex Rae gave his verdict, and praised the club for signing someone in his 30’s who “has all the experience and talent needed to drive the club to new heights … this guarantees that they will do their own ten in a row” before someone whispered “Joe Hart” to him, at which point he hung up the phone.

We contacted Celtic’s Dominic McKay for his comments, and after his secretary asked us what the call concerned he came on the line.

“Hello,” he said. “Is it me you’re looking for? Life is good, wild and sweet, is it? All night long? I bet you were dancing on the ceiling dialling this number, weren’t you? Everybody’s climin’ the walls, everybody’s havin’ a ball, right? You guys have more chance of signing Lionel Richie than Lionel Messi,” he said before hanging up, still laughing.

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