Hilarity Ensues As The Scottish Media Ends Its Own Ridiculous Speculation Over Gerrard.

The Scottish press called off its own speculation on the future of Gerrard last night with the news that Paulo Fonseca is on the brink of being appointed manager of Newcastle.

This was their own little trip into the realms of the absurd, their little dream scenario where even if he left the club netted a fortune on the release fee and then Gerrard raided them for players, giving them a January transfer kitty and keeping the club’s lights on at the same time.

In some ways this was a new Ibrox fan fantasy. In some ways it was a very old one.

This was, after all, just the “sugar daddy” dream of all, dressing in a full head-dress.

The Saudis were going to provide, at second hand, the sort of wealth they once imagined others providing.

Don’t forget, this is not the first team they’ve seen salvation in Geordie land when it was obvious to the rest of us that they were pissing in the wind. They once hailed Ashley a saviour, a fact they no longer acknowledge but which we remember just the same.

What I find particularly hilarious is that they started to change their tune about this when Gerrard appeared to laugh off the move in midweek. But he’d had opportunities beforehand to dismiss any possible interest from the English club and he chose not to do it; the truth is, Gerrard kept his options open when he believed them to be valid.

Once it was clear that he had no options to consider, of course he dismissed suggestions that he might go as ridiculous, much as I could dismiss suggestions that I’d date Jennifer Lawrence, knowing that circumstances are never going to put me to the test.

This has been an amusing couple of weeks, watching as the press tried to spin this into something real.

Did they think by promoting this idiocy that the Saudis would actually consider it? In the meantime, they opened talks with Conte (who prefers Manchester United, believing that job will be opening up soon) and Fonseca.

The job, by the way, remains empty, the great prize unclaimed. Gerrard would have taken it in a second but others with reputations to guard are concerned what this would do to them and the line-up is not as long as the club expected.

But the “speculation” over Steven Gerrard is at an end, and another possible escape route from his certain fate has been closed off to him. He remains on course for the denouement that has been waiting for since he first walked through the doors of Ibrox; to depart not as a hero but as a figure of fun, an outcast, a loser, a failure.

He is all set to learn what one in a row and the stopping the ten really means to their fans; a one day triumph, soon to be forgotten.

He’s never really understood their supporters, but he will come to, just as the rest of us do.