An Overheard Conversation Between A Gushing Sevco Fan-Boy Hack And Somebody Sane

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Conversation overheard in a newsroom toilet between a thick Sevco fan-boy hack and someone with a clearer understanding of how things work in football ….

“He’ll pish it up here. He’ll walk it. Every team in Scotland will be running scared.”

“Yeah? Like Thomas Gravesen did?”

“Oh come on, you know this is a quality bit of business. You lot are scared stiff.”

“Like we were with Kranjcar I suppose. And Joey Barton.”

“Ancient history pal, keep on telling yourself that.”

“And Lundstram. Wasn’t he supposed to come up here and dominate?”

“That one, I’ll give you … but you have to admit, he will add quality.”

“If he’s fit. If he stays fit. If he even cares.”

“What do you mean, if he even cares? Why wouldn’t he care?”

“Well, he’s on £100,000 a week, and he’s only got a four month deal … would you run through walls and risk long-term injury when you’re earning that kind of money, as a short-term stop gap to fill newspapers and satisfy an ego-led board?”

“He’s got a chance to win a long-term deal …”

“At 31? Long-term at 31 is otherwise known as ‘one last pay-day.’ He’s not jeopordising that for a four month loan.”

“He’s got a chance to stay … a chance at Champions League football.”

“Oh yeah, because he wasn’t going to get that at Juventus, was he?”

“Look at you, the fear is ripping out of you … you know this guy will be the best midfielder in the whole of the country, and it scares you to death.”

“Best midfielder in the country? You sure about that? Think about it before you answer …”

“Simply. The. Best. By. Miles.”

“Better than Callum McGregor and Tom Rogic?”

“Comfortably. Easily. Yes.”

“Better than Aribo? Kent? Kamara? In your own squad?”

“Absolutely. He’ll improve the team.”

“So let me ask you this; you’re the guy who’s been writing those stories saying those players – Kent, Aribo, Kamara – were worth tens of millions of pounds, right? And you absolutely believe that to be true, yeah?”

“Of course.”

“Then explain something to me … why would any club pay those kinds of fees for those players when a better footballer – in your view – was available in this window for a nominal fee, and none of them bothered to sign him?”

“Eh …. Eh …. Eh … well, I never quite said …”

“Na mate, listen, I said to you ‘think before you answer this’ so don’t stand there trying to worm out of it.”

“Well he’s in his 30’s now, as you said …”

“And what? You were talking about a long term deal a minute ago, right? Do you even have a clue, mate?”

“We’ve beaten off English competition for him …”

“Ha! Did you really? Just tell me straight out; why would those clubs pay big money for those players, when this guy was readily available and so affordable that he’s ended up at a club in the SPFL? Don’t stand there with your mouth hanging open, just answer the question.”

“ …..”

“Could it be that there are reasons why clubs didn’t want him? Could it be that your valuations of your own club’s players are grossly over the top and wildly exaggerated? And whilst you’re on that, answer this; do you ever wash your hands after you have a piss? Cause it’s no wonder your kids are always off school sick if that’s what you do when you’re at home.”

For my friend John Turnbull who’s already embarrassed by the garbage he’s reading and hearing in the media.

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1 comment

  • andrew james says:

    I have yet to meet a rangers supporter who isn’t as dumb as the other thicker than a tin of Campbell’s soup “well the saying goes with the soup the difference is in the thickness.

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