Last night, The Record ran one of the most unintentionally hilarious headlines ever; I’m not sure who it was meant to satisfy or what message it was trying to convey, but I found it quite brilliant, as if it had been scripted explicitly for comedy, by a genius.
“John Souttar wants Rangers January transfer if Hearts star picks Gers over Blackburn Rovers and Nottingham Forest” is what it reads, and I understand full well what the story is trying to say, but I am not less amused by it for comprehending the main point.
John Souttar will pick Ibrox if he doesn’t pick somewhere else.
That’s the message.
Are their fans meant to be cheered by that?
Isn’t it like saying “that girl you like, but who is considering five other dates, will date you if she doesn’t get the one she wants”?
He wants to go to Ibrox. If he doesn’t go somewhere else.
I mean … is that a good news story or a bad news one?
Is that a happy day or a sad day?
I can’t decide and I’m betting that nobody else could either.
The Record is trying to say that if he doesn’t get his move to England – which won’t happen until the summer – then he wants to leave immediately for Sevco … why would that be the case? What would be so different about it?
None of this speaks to what Hearts want to do, except for a single line in the article that says they would rather keep him until the summer, come what may, than lose him for a nominal fee. Well, of course they would.
What good is whatever insignificant scratch Ibrox would throw their way?
They can’t replace Souttar with it, and know it.
Imagine they let him go there for a hundred grand.
Imagine he comes up against them in the Scottish Cup and scores the goal that knocks them out. Worth the money then? It would be idiocy, and I’m sure the Hearts directors at well aware of it.
Which is why they will resist this pressure – not that of Ibrox but from Ibrox’s media stooges, the useful idiots who come to their aid and do their bidding time and again.
Hearts have spelled it out; they will not sell Souttar in this window for a piddling sum.
The media is already trying to bounce them, and the player, into choosing their favourite club. I don’t think they’ll succeed on either front, and they certainly stand no chance of doing it on the cheap.
I hate to stand up for that crowd but as someone who, like yourself James, is no stranger to a spelling mistake, I have to think thats what this is. If you replace “if” with “as” the sentence makes peefect sense and indeed is candy for the hordes of hunnery.
They’re welcome to Souttar. After his cowardly thuggish unprovoked assault on Kyogo I knew he wasn’t of Hoops class.
That mispelling of perfect is an ironic example of my point and was not deliberate.