Ramsey “So Good He Could Win The League From The Stand.” – A Keith Jackass Interview.

Ramsey “So Good He Could Win The League From The Stand.” – A Keith Jackass Interview.

Those who are worried about Aaron Ramsey’s continued absence from the team at Ibrox should hold off on their criticism of the board, according to a former striker and now broadcaster, who spoke to this paper.

“He is so good he could win the league from the stand,” Kris Balls said in an exclusive interview with me earlier today.

Fans at Ibrox are clearly concerned that their club has squandered big money on the signing of Ramsey, who has barely featured in the eight games since he was brought to Scotland, amidst much fanfare, in January.

But fear not, says Balls, because he hasn’t been a flop.

“This has increased the club’s profile all across Europe. Any number of teams who have big money players on the bench now know Ibrox is the right place to send them, because the press here has given this guy such a welcome. Did you see the coverage of him taking his kids to the fun-fair the other day? Amazing. That’s just what the fans need to see as this league race starts getting ugly; a player enjoying himself, enjoying being part of it all.”

The fans have certainly taken Ramsey to their hearts, but I pointed out that they would prefer to see him out on the pitch, where his football ability can actually influence games.

“But look at the remarkable difference he’s made to the players already at the club,” Balls said. “Take Ryan Jack. He was sitting on the side-lines for months doing nothing. Now that Ramsey has arrived and taken his place on the treatment table, he’s featured in more games. Since Ramsey monopolised the use of the hyperbaric chamber at the local hospital, Helander has had to get involved in the first team again.”

Still, I suggested that Ibrox fans would probably like it better if they could actually see some of Ramsey’s own famous brand of football; that, after all, is why he was signed?

“Well there is more than one reason why you sign a player, isn’t there? I mean it gave the fans a huge lift and it give the club a big profile bounce, didn’t it? Surely that’s got to be worth at least a couple of points at the end of the season? And I think he’s easily the best player in the country, just based on all the money he earns. I mean he has to be, right? A guy earning that much, you’d expect him to be so good that he could win the league from the stand.”

I tried one last time to get Balls to focus on the issue of Ramsey’s playing time, and how little there has been for the enormous sums being spent on him.

“Aye but he winds up the Celtic fans, doesn’t he? I mean they are just insanely jealous that there is such a colossal footballer at Ibrox. And he’s got that bit of class, you can see it already. Look at what he did on Valentine’s Day, taking his girlfriend out and renting a whole restaurant? That’s classy, isn’t it? Who at Celtic would have done that? I heard that Callum McGregor took his missus to a local restaurant; they waited in line for a takeaway and went up the road with it.”

Finally, I asked Balls if he thinks the club will see the player actually change a game in the course of the season, and thereby maybe justify the move?

“Well I think certainly he changes games. Teams get scared just seeing him in the squad. Look at the matches where points were dropped; he was nowhere to be seen. Put him in the team though and it’s a different story, sides just can’t handle it. All he has to do is focus on putting on more aggressive displays from the treatment table and the results will come.”

Ramsey is at Ibrox only until the end of the season, when the club will have an option to buy him.

Fears that Juventus might be hard to deal with on this are believed to be unfounded. I spoke to someone in Turin this morning, and he was confident a deal could be done.

“Juventus will happily let him leave if we can find someone silly enough to take him off our wage-bill and put him on theirs. We might even do a good deal on the transfer fee; even if we got a couple of hundred grand the savings on the medical bills would more than make up for it.”

I called Celtic to ask them how scared they are of the prospect of a fully fit Ramsey facing them at some point in the campaign.

Their club official seemed shaken.

“Mate, it’s four o’clock in the bloody morning! Even if we were on Aussie time this would be taking the piss a little bit, don’t you think? If you’ve woken up my missus I’m seriously gonna have to pull you aside at the next press event. Don’t even bother with your stupid question, just let me get a little bit of kip alright? And stay off the bloody Fosters!”