Last night my old man drew my attention to a wonderful story on the BBC Sports Scotland website; it was a piece on James Tavernier, dripping with honey. Or something.
A couple of the highlights from the piece include how he was snubbed by Celtic and that if Trent Alexander-Arnold were injured for the Anfield club, Tavernier could easily step into his shoes.
Oh and EPL clubs would have queued up for him but they don’t have the money.
If you are reading that, and think you can hear the distant howling of wolves, don’t worry; that’s a normal reaction.
Because yes, this is pretty bad.
The guy behind much of this claptrap is Steve Evens, who as the article takes care to remind us is a Celtic fan.
As if Celtic fans are incapable of talking tripe.
Some people think I manage it quite well every single day, and especially this week.
But in truth, Evans is praising himself as much as Tavernier.
He is, after all, taking the credit for moulding the player, and in effect for plucking him off the football dung heap.
He is followed in the piece by a gushing Kenny Miller, assuring us that Tavernier is a much better defender than most people think. Most people, in this case, including tens of thousands of the fans who watch him every week as the captain of their club.
The piece gushes about his goal and assist stats; I agree that they are impressive, but there are an awful lot of penalties in there as one would expect from the principal taker at Ibrox.
The news that Celtic looked at him after being urged to sign him prior to his move across town is not surprising, nor is it surprising that we passed on him.
Almost every right back who has played for Celtic since he signed on at Ibrox has been a better footballer and a better defender.
There are exceptions, but would he get into this team?
Of course not.
But he would, apparently, get into the Liverpool eleven, if only their world class full-back Trent Alexander-Arnold was injured.
So says this wholly ridiculous puff piece.
That, of course, is barmy and it begs the question; if he’s that good, what’s he still doing in Scotland?
And there’s an answer to that, of course; Premier League clubs won’t pay the money.
The clubs which spend tens of millions on unproven talent in every single window – look at Exhibit A sitting on the Ibrox bench right now, the Man Utd “wonderkid” – won’t give Ibrox the kind of sum that would prise Tavernier away from them?
Aye, right. Does that sound credible?
Could there possibly be a simpler explanation than that, by any chance?
How about this; he’s nowhere near as good as this garbage suggests that he is? Tens of thousands of Ibrox paying customers can’t be wrong about everything can they? And neither can many thousands of us who have watched this guy and don’t rate him at all.
But good enough for Liverpool?
I think even if you reckon that there’s a player in Tavernier you can accept that this idea is just ridiculous and for the BBC to publish that view is just embarrassing. If there really was something there, more than most fans in Scotland can see, a club from the English top flight would have taken the punt years ago.
A handful of our media, which hero-worships this guy, also ponders why Connor Goldson isn’t being tipped for England and they reckon Ryan Kent is world class on his day. Whatever day that is. Certainly one none of us has ever witnessed.
Honestly, I feel for the BBC hack who had to put this amalgam of insanity together; he must have known he was going to get mocked, without mercy, the minute the article hit social media and so it has proved.
I understand that Steve Evans is basically praising himself … Kenny Miller on the other hand, you just want to shake your head and remind him that he was once one of the sane people, on the side of the angels. Now he helps produce this.
What a come-down. What a let-down. And what a hilarious story.
I had heard that the BBC occasionally still did good comedy. I didn’t believe it, until now.