There can be few pastimes more dangerous for someone who is disabled than being an Ibrox fan.
Because they have Paul Kersey levels of bad luck.
If you’re a movie fan with any knowledge of 80’s cinema you’ll remember Paul Kersey; played by the late, and brilliant, Charles Bronson, he was the star of the Death Wish movies. And God, what luck he had.
In the first movie his wife and daughter are attacked inside their apartment; his wife dies and his daughter ends up catatonic.
In the second movie it’s his housekeeper and his new squeeze who are attacked and brutalised.
In the third, his friend Charley is horribly murdered.
In film four it’s his new girlfriend’s daughter who dies, of a drug overdose.
And in film five – despite the trail of destruction and death that follows this guy around and strikes at all around him – he finds another woman willing to take her chances, with predictable results.
I’m not saying it couldn’t happen, I’m marvelling that writers and film-makers were able to pitch that story again and again to producers and financers and get those movies made.
I’ve commented on the behaviour of a section of our support already.
I have written that they need to be hunted, found, banned and then prosecuted. I am not having any excuses, no defence of these people and want to see no mercy for them.
But the narrative out of Ibrox has a reek of familiarity about it that is too hard to ignore.
How many more times are they going to recycle the same old tired stories about their “innocent supporters” being victimised?
Whether it’s foriegn police, Scottish police, rival supporters … it always seems to be these poor sods at the thick of it.
Their “innocent fans” find themselves in more scrapes than a Russian infantry division.
If I were amongst their ranks, I’d take out health insurance before I went to watch the team every week.
I am not making light of this, I am treating the issue about as seriously as The Daily Record has done today with its lamentable, disgraceful, wilfully misleading and perhaps even wholly fraudulent article on our fans.
The scenes they describe … could they have happened?
Sure, if the 700 people they had inside Parkhead were made up solely of WAGS, the disabled, pensioners and kids.
It does seem to me somewhat unlikely that this was the case.
And if you were trying to sell that to a Hollywood producer … well, unless the people who greenlit Death Wish 5: The Face Of Death are looking for a new project I reckon you’re going to be out of luck, because this will be too much of a stretch for them.
I’ve seen plenty of pictures of those scenes since the game.
I see a lot of angry middle aged white men, faces strained with anger, others clearly loving every minute of it, trying to get at Celtic fans through the police line. I see loutish yobs throwing stuff into our section, including seats.
What I don’t see in those pictures is what one would expect … cowering innocents, people scared out of their wits.
There is an absence of fake tans in designer gear worried that their fingernails will get cracked if they hang around much longer.
If I was in their (expensive) shoes, I’d want to know more than just why Celtic’s security arrangements weren’t up to snuff.
I’d want to know why their cheap bastard boyfriends and husbands didn’t spring for an executive lounge like every other footballer out there, and instead chucked them into the midst of all those angry Peepul.
Am I saying it didn’t happen?
I’m saying that we’re the only country where the WAGS want to stay out of the papers.
They ran to the press but didn’t want to be named?
Is that because they feared reprisals from our supporters, or because one of the neighbours might remember having seen them at the hair salon that afternoon when the game was on?
What happened at the weekend was damned well out of order and I cannot repeat this enough times; everyone involved should be prosecuted to the limit of the law. Celtic fans, Ibrox fans, colours be damned.
If you’re going to act like that you are a hun, and you deserve what you get.
But I am not having this, not having this narrative that everyone in that end was a victim.
I’ve watched footage of it.
I’ve seen broken green seats get flung. I’ve heard the sectarian karaoke at full volume.
If you were close enough to be dodging bottles, maybe you were too close in the first place, right pressed up against a stewards face close … and maybe if you weren’t you might want to ask your club when it intends to make these fixtures safer by restoring the old ticket allocations and putting some real distance between the fans again.
The Record was well briefed today.
Ibrox’s PR department is working full-speed ahead.
You might think that they’d lost the title at the weekend or something, but of course that’s just coincidence.
That’s not part of this story at all, is it?