It’s been a long time since we had something on here from the notorious – but unintentionally hilarious – Ibrox Noise website.
But last night, shortly before their game kicked off, someone sent me a classic article from that barmy blog.
Entitled “(Is) James Tavernier in line for shock England World Cup call up?”, it is every bit as bonkers as it sounds.
It starts off talking about how an injury crisis has cast doubt on whether the English national team’s first choice right backs will be fit for the tournament and offers its readers the tantalising prospect of seeing their man play at that level.
And then the article – which I was howling with laughter over – goes and ruins its own story with this brilliant qualifier;
“True, his chances of playing in the World Cup for his country are close to nil, but they’re still a lot higher than they were a few days ago when England were embarrassed by the riches they had at RB … Gareth Southgate doesn’t even look at Scotland, and would sooner play his pet dog than use any players based in the SPL, but desperate times call for desperate measures and there’s every possibility Tavernier could well get the call as backup to Trippier, should none of the injuries clear up in time. There’s something we never thought we’d hear – James Tavernier whispered as a world cup call up for England. Funny old game isn’t it?”
Once you stop laughing – I know, it’s hard to do – consider that we’d still never have heard that whisper and neither would they if they hadn’t whispered it themselves. That is the definition of loony-tunes stuff … but it gets better because here was the headline on their article on the same player last night in the aftermath of that calamitous performance.
“Should James Tavernier be stripped of the (Ibrox) captaincy?”
And here was the text. Sublimely brilliant, all of it.
“It may be knee-jerk, it may even be fickle, but an overriding reaction from last night’s debacle is how badly James Tavernier undid all the good work he’s done as captain the past 12 months and became a true shame of the jersey … for us, Tavernier’s time as captain is done. A captain leads. They take responsibility. They certainly don’t in part cause the collapse then run away when it’s time to take numbers. He showed his true nature – hiding, no accountability, and yet another deeply wounding blot on his fairly modest record as captain. His mistakes cost the team yet again, and he didn’t even say sorry. James Tavernier is no Rangers captain, and while we may process this and think differently in a few days, as things stand, he should be stripped immediately.”
So, no England call up then? Whatever will Gareth Southgate do?
You could not make that up.