Celtic On The Brink As Ange Is Shortlisted For Number 10: An Exclusive By Keith Jackass.

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Celtic On The Brink As Ange Is Shortlisted For Number 10: An Exclusive By Keith Jackass.

Celtic is in turmoil tonight as sources in England confirm that Ange Postecoglou is being linked with a job in the most ruthless environment of all; he is “a serious contender” for the vacant post at Downing Street. If he goes, Celtic will be entitled only to the value of his contract; one year’s salary, which is believed to be less than £100,000.

From the moment he secured the title last season, people at Celtic have been concerned that their manager would be tempted south of the border if a “big job” opened up, and there are none bigger than that of the Prime Minister.

Such has his stock risen, as the club has dithered and delayed on offering him a new deal, that he is being mentioned in whispered conversations all over Westminster, with sources confirming their interest in him.

“Look at the mess he inherited at Celtic,” one MP told this writer.

“He brought the club together, he rebuilt them into a competitive force and then overcame their rivals and he did it all running at a surplus. If anyone can drag this party, and this country, out of this current mess it’s this guy. So what that he’s not a politician? He eats you lot in the media for breakfast every time he goes in front of you, so he’ll handle these lobby correspondents easily. And Keir Starmer? Do you think he’d stand a chance at PMQ’s if this guy was behind the dispatch box?”

When news broke last night that Ange was being considered should Liz Truss be swiftly dealt with, the Celtic board were immediately panic stricken and a Zoom conference call was arranged for tomorrow, when they will start to draw up a shortlist of candidates.

I spoke to a person of influence at Parkhead, who said that job is already underway.

“Thankfully, Neil is available,” he told me. “It’s as if this was fate. If we can tie a deal up quickly, we can announce that along with my chairmanship. Think of it … the return of the Dream Team. I can hardly contain my excitement.”

Attempts to call Ange Postecoglou for comment were unsuccessful until earlier this afternoon.

“Why do you keep badgering me every time someone down there loses their job mate? Didn’t you call asking if I wanted to be the bloody chancellor last week? I keep on telling you, I’m committed to Celtic, so why the Hell do you keep hassling me like this?”

Celtic fans are said to be enraged at their club getting itself into this mess again, whilst at Ibrox talk gathers pace that the club could soon be in the hands of American billionaires.

Scottish football may be about to experience a generation of Ibrox dominance.

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  • Tony B says:

    Maybe Truss could end up managing the zombies. She has many of the attributes required:
    stupidity, arrogance, dishonesty, face like a well skelped arse and a callous disregard for humanity.

    This combined with knowing fuck all about football, like all sevcnts, would make her an ideal candidate.

    Apparently she also does not do walking away.

  • Nick66 says:

    Breaking News Jackass, Nicola Sturgeon has come in with a late bid to retain him as the Director of Independence, whilst simultaneously managing Celtic and advising Steven Clarke within the Scottish International FC. Harry Kewel is being scouted as the next Chancellor.
    Ian Bankinger is producing a new Whiskey to commemorate his failure as Chairman.

    • Nick66 says:

      Whiskey to be called, Goatfel By the Wayside.

      • Nick66 says:

        In his defence MR Bankinger was quoted as saying, ” Honestly, it’s not a Billy goat, Nanny won’t allow it.

        • Nick66 says:

          The Daily Record would like to distance itself from the Engine room subsidiary that is Glasgow Live and any inference to Goat intoxication.

          • Nick66 says:

            In the post match interview after Celtics Win over Murderwell James Forest was asked, Which Do you think is your best moment, Hidden Hills, or, Keith Jackass , With a totally bemused and total WTF response he said, “Oh! You mean the famous name, I’m the guy that joined the hundred club, with a couple of assists and another landmark made.

            Jackass was observed leaving with his tail between his legs.


    Don’t even Feckin joke about that pair.

    • John Copeland says:

      I heard Jackson has applied for the job as new communications boss at no10 ! They replied back ,they would rather have Chick Young ,the St Mirren fan .

  • Jon Malaxetxebarria says:

    Obviously, this issue is a pure joke as a whole. It´s okay having good humor at this time of the day.

  • Bob (original) says:

    Have serious reservations that Ange would take the No.10 job.
    He’d never get into Europe again!

    As for Lennon returning, again… that’s just not funny!


  • Denis Burns says:

    Well if Keith Jackass wrote this article then it must have substance. I’ve never known Keith to be far off the mark . Remember our Motherwell Milllionaire.

  • Johnny Green says:

    This is the sort of nonsense you would expect during the close season when there is no football to talk about,

  • Katana67 says:

    VAR… For ” Thrills & Spills ( Or Not !? )

    Now over to HesGoal via VPN ( Mongolia BTW )

    To see how The Sevco Fleg-Shaggers(2012) fare against Brother Martindale’s Eleven….

    Calling Big Jimmy……Mystic Meg says PenTav Hat-Trick….

    Get Your Beer-Money On….!!

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