Celtic Shocked As Ange “On The Shortlist” To Be First Minister: An Exclusive By Keith Jackass.

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Celtic Shocked As Ange “On The Shortlist” To Be First Minister: An Exclusive By Keith Jackass.

Whether they want to admit it or not, every Celtic fan was resigned to Ange Postecoglou jumping ship onto a plane for England the second even the lowliest Premiership club made him an offer. What none of them expected was the shock of having him leave their club for a post in Scotland, but sources close to this paper now believe that’s on the cards.

The resignation today of Nicola Sturgeon is the latest job opening to put the Celtic board on high alert, and it is well known that he would be interested in the post of First Minister. The offer would have to be right, but as it comes with any number of perks on top of a good salary it’s clearly not something that anyone in their right mind would turn down.

An SNP source said to me, “When you see the job he’s done at Celtic, well he’s revitalised the whole place, hasn’t he? If he can do that to a football club that looked on the bones of its arse not that long ago, think of what he could do for the whole country?”

Another said, “It will be tough convincing him to do this, but you look at his record … there’s simply nobody better out there who can do the job.”

We reached out to people inside Parkhead for comment, but none would take our call which leads this writer to believe that there is more in this than just a rumour. Instead, we went across the city to people at Ibrox, and were surprised to find that their own reaction was not one of celebration, but actually one of stark terror instead.

A club director, who would only let us call him Junior, was horrified. “That bloody Fenian Hand is already at the controls behind the scenes! Can you imagine how bad this country will be when they openly declare that they’ve been running the show for decades?”

Kyle Lafferty tweeted from Linfield. “Thank God I live over here, amidst a culture where my views are respected. Within five years, Scotland will be a hell-hole run by them. Wait a minute? It already is, which is why I got a ten match ban.”

Kris Boyd was packing his suitcases when I phoned. “I said it would benefit Scotland if he moved to England! How does this benefit Scotland? I’m out of here before the Green Brigade get police powers and kick my door in.”

Finally, I spoke briefly to Ange Postecoglou. He refused to deny the story.

In fact, in some respects he seemed quite keen.

“Keith mate, you really have to stop calling me. Didn’t you get the paperwork from the courts? How can I comment on a story as ridiculous as this? You know what though? If they did actually offer it me I might have to take it. Then I’d have you bloody deported to somewhere with no internet, no telephones and where you couldn’t turn out crap for that column of yours. Then I might get a minute’s peace without you bothering me whenever you’ve had a few.”

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  • Tony B says:

    ” whenever you’ve had a few ” doesn’t exactly narrow the timescale in Keech’s case.

  • John Copeland says:

    I’m surprised Jackson has not named Ange as a possible buyer of Dave King’s Confetti ,sorry ,shares ! All to promote the value and camaraderie of Scottish football ,you understand …

  • Martin.H says:

    Ange is class she is trash, a wee blue nose from Ayrshire that used the hatred towards Westminster for her own objectives, and a lot of our supporters fell for this crap. I.e. the green brigade, that banner at the weekend was disgusting, there are children in the stadium looking at this, could have been worded better, but hey that’s the green brigade, and still no criticism, from you James.

    • Johnny Green says:

      It made me laugh at the time and I didn’t find it disgusting. Maybe they could have substituted the word fanny as it’s not quite as harsh, but just a bit of devilment from the GB.

      • S Thomas says:

        You would have found it funny.. cunts a nice word for young children. “ Hi dad what does cunt mean”. They are out and out morons. Neds and trouble makers.

        • Johnny Green says:

          I know, because you told me so, that you detest the word hun, and that is because you are one……so does the same apply here?

          • S Thomas says:

            Hun lol.. Many games you been to this season pal? Were you at Madrid, no must have been me then. The green brigade are out and out arseholes. That’s their mentality, we will use the word cunt, when there is family’s at the match. They are idiots. All they do is cause trouble, they bring nothing but bad press to our club.

  • Scud Missile says:

    There is a managers job going down at the local cleansing department Big Ange is being touted for that as well.

  • Johnny Green says:

    I mention the word fanny and Scud Book appears.
    What a coincidence!

  • Auld Chris says:

    Not good personal time for me but this cheered me up no end! You have a great gift for satire Comrade!

  • Effarr says:

    As pathetic as McGillivan’s incubator tale. A bit childish, like the Mooch nickname.

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