Fools And Their Money II.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO THE MEDIA: FROM CASTORE.

Following a tremendously successful season Castore is proud to release our new range of clothing for the more discerning Ibrox supporter; The Tina Turner Range of fully customised jerseys emblazoned with the words “Simply The Second Best.”

Available in various sizes all the way up to XXXXL, these will be a wonderful addition to any burgeoning collection of our official merchandise!

You too can strut like a boss, like a captain, like Hall Of Famer James Tavernier and show off your credentials as a bona fide winner of runner up medals! You can model yourself on Fashion Sakala and boast of being the understudy to Alfredo Morelos!

But this is much, much more, of course, because with this tasteful selection of tributes to the late Tina Turner Castore is going above and beyond. Inspired by her most famous songs, we wanted to make this line of new products absolutely unforgettable.

Now you can pose in your “What’s The Gap Got To Do With It?” commemorative jersey and sicken all those Celtic fans who think that’s the only thing that matters. You can wear with pride your “We Don’t Need Another Hero!”” shirt emblazoned with a smiling image of Rabi Matondo! We have our “Private Chancer” range, with hated SPFL chairman Mike Mulvaney’s face on them. We have our “I Really Wanna Fight” commemorative t-shirt of Cantwell refusing to give Hatate a water bottle!

And if that doesn’t impress you step right up and get your “Proud Mary” t-shirt; this is the masterpiece of this summer’s clothing line, emblazoned with the image of a “fine upstanding Protestant woman” in her blue Castore home strip, posing with her fine husband Big John, with his vape pen and half bottle of the finest club whiskey, and at their feet their magnificent children Betty and Trev, dressed in their annual marching band outfits!

These strips are one-of-a-kind, hand-made to mass produced perfection in Turkey.

They are guaranteed not to fade for the first six washes!

And due to changes in our manufacturing, just one in every fifty might carry slight defects like loose threads that lead to general unravelling, just as the team does when it’s under pressure!

All items in the Tina Turner “Simply The Second Best” range are priced reasonably at £75 for adults and the same for children. We even have schemes to help in these cash-strapped times! Our “buy now pay in instalments” packages are available for people who buy four shirts or more!

The “Simply The Second Best” range will be limited to a run of ten thousand shirts of each design, with the club contracted to buy back any unsold stock in the Sports Direct warehouses. (Does not imply the existence of an official link.)

We do anticipate a high purchase rate; who would not want to get their hands on this fine attire?

We expect these to go fast, so get your orders in now.

The “Simply The Second Best” range offers the very finest splendid official merchandise, and a fine tribute to a woman who gave our fans so much pleasure, that no self-respecting club supporter should be without it! You will of course get 100 MyGers points for every purchase … and not to worry! We will be releasing our “Pro-Shirt” versions in the next few weeks.

Castore: For That Extra Edge (To Help You Finish Comfortably Second.)