Monza Kings Of Italy As Napoli Contemplate The Abyss: An Exclusive By Kason Jacksonio

Image for Monza Kings Of Italy As Napoli Contemplate The Abyss: An Exclusive By Kason Jacksonio

Monza Kings Of Italy As Napoli Contemplate The Abyss: An Exclusive By Kason Jacksonio

This morning, Napoli fans are in a fury, and drenched in panic, following a stunning reversal at the hands of Monza, who have the bragging rights for the summer and are now amongst the favourites to win next season’s Serie A.

Napoli, the current holders, who just won their title a week ago, are now going back to the drawing board and facing a momentous summer rebuild, brought about by this shattering result. Monza, on the other hand, would have been facing a full-scale restructuring but are now confident that they can challenge on all fronts.

“This is a massive day for this club,” a Monza director told this publication. “We have proved that the gap isn’t as large as the 34 point deficit shown in the league table. In fact, after a win like this, isn’t it fair to say that we’ve shown we’re the best team in the country? That’s certainly how our marketing team will be promoting us over the course of the summer.”

At Napoli, the shockwaves are just beginning to spread with a prominent online fan site, run by Marko Dingwalrus, already organising a petition to have the manager sacked and the entire club restructured.

“We cannot accept this level of humiliation,” Dingwalrus said. “We have proved that we are not worthy title winners. It’s time for comprehensive changes at this club.”

Directors at Napoli openly scoffed at the suggestion that their club is in crisis over this result.

“What are people getting so crazy about?” one asked me. “Your paper really isn’t fit to wipe backsides with if this is the line you’re going to take. Bragging rights? Who in their right mind cares about bragging rights? Do they come with an automatic Champions League place now? With silverware? I suggest you and your colleague lay off the vino for a while.”

We contacted UEFA to ask them if “bragging rights” do in fact come with some kind of footballing reward. Their spokesman was pretty vague, which suggests that buried deep in the rulebook there is, indeed, a regulation which Monza can use on their climb to the top.

“Is this some kind of joke?” the spokesman asked. “I’ve been getting similar calls from Glasgow, and I thought some of Keith Jackson’s questions were ridiculous … this is just taking the piss. Neither Napoli nor Celtic have anything to worry about.”

Share this article


  • Eoin Baillie says:

    The current team playing out of Ibrox are in exactly the same situation as St Mirren , Hibs, Hearts and Aberdeen, a top six club ; no more, no less. Not one piece of silverware is going to any of them , yet we are deemed finished whilst going for a treble and potential world record eighth, unbelievable , only in the Scottish press could this be deemed disastrous due to a really bad day at the office. Ah well, I’ll take this bad year over any successful blanks any day of the week.

  • Finbar muldoon says:

    James, that rag has a demographic to appease. Cut them some slack. Let them enjoy the “we won the most recent glasgow derby game cup”. HH

  • John Copeland says:

    Also in other exclusive news from the daily Record’s top sports scoops is that they have deciphered big Alfoodo’s cryptic social media message to the world ! It means that he was sitting on the bench like a spare part with agonising hunger pangs and did not get on as a substitute . How disrespectful as he could have been gorging on his favourite Scoobies . So unfair ….He no ‘ likey !

  • Darren Kerr says:

    The defeat is very bittersweet. The bitter, I hate losing especially to pond slime. The sweet, that it inflates their ego and masks reality. It now gives Ange leverage with the Board re budget and squad evolution. What mattered at kick off at Snake Mountain was the cup final. What matters after winning a treble will be squad development and prep for kick off day one next season.

  • MArk B says:

    Our possible treble is terrific. But lets not kids ourselves in the last five derby games we have one 3 lost 1 drawn 1. But its clear to me we have not destroyed them like we did 4-0 at start of the season. A couple of those wins could have been losses. They are a decent team as Ange says. They got to a Europa final only a year ago! Next year will probably be much be closer as they have figured out how to beat the rest and that by definition makes the league very close. So lets not be complacent and ensure we build our squad in areas we need to ….CH, CF, LB, DM for starters. Comparing them to the other 4 in the top six is plain stupidity. They are miles ahead of 3rd place…miles and miles.

  • Suspiciousmind says:

    Bragging rights during close season for being second to do a St Mirren. Right enough historically they have been second at everything both oldco and newco. Really they are at the stage where beating Celtic is everything. We are a stage where winning trebles is the norm. Low bar for the huns. High bar for the Tic

  • Walter Chinstrap says:

    I begin to read comments until I see a “there” which should read “their” or a “one” which should read “won”.
    I suppose it cuts down my screen thyme!!

Comments are closed.