Monza Kings Of Italy As Napoli Contemplate The Abyss: An Exclusive By Kason Jacksonio

Monza Kings Of Italy As Napoli Contemplate The Abyss: An Exclusive By Kason Jacksonio

This morning, Napoli fans are in a fury, and drenched in panic, following a stunning reversal at the hands of Monza, who have the bragging rights for the summer and are now amongst the favourites to win next season’s Serie A.

Napoli, the current holders, who just won their title a week ago, are now going back to the drawing board and facing a momentous summer rebuild, brought about by this shattering result. Monza, on the other hand, would have been facing a full-scale restructuring but are now confident that they can challenge on all fronts.

“This is a massive day for this club,” a Monza director told this publication. “We have proved that the gap isn’t as large as the 34 point deficit shown in the league table. In fact, after a win like this, isn’t it fair to say that we’ve shown we’re the best team in the country? That’s certainly how our marketing team will be promoting us over the course of the summer.”

At Napoli, the shockwaves are just beginning to spread with a prominent online fan site, run by Marko Dingwalrus, already organising a petition to have the manager sacked and the entire club restructured.

“We cannot accept this level of humiliation,” Dingwalrus said. “We have proved that we are not worthy title winners. It’s time for comprehensive changes at this club.”

Directors at Napoli openly scoffed at the suggestion that their club is in crisis over this result.

“What are people getting so crazy about?” one asked me. “Your paper really isn’t fit to wipe backsides with if this is the line you’re going to take. Bragging rights? Who in their right mind cares about bragging rights? Do they come with an automatic Champions League place now? With silverware? I suggest you and your colleague lay off the vino for a while.”

We contacted UEFA to ask them if “bragging rights” do in fact come with some kind of footballing reward. Their spokesman was pretty vague, which suggests that buried deep in the rulebook there is, indeed, a regulation which Monza can use on their climb to the top.

“Is this some kind of joke?” the spokesman asked. “I’ve been getting similar calls from Glasgow, and I thought some of Keith Jackson’s questions were ridiculous … this is just taking the piss. Neither Napoli nor Celtic have anything to worry about.”